Do you ever feel like you hide behind your weight?

[susieokla]

Thanks Cyn-

I'm sorry you've had a rough past but I really like your attitude about it now. Sounds like you have learned alot through it all and choose to rise above it instead of letting it bring you down!!

I say let's do this for us!! Let's lose the weight, be healthy, have self confidence and if nobody notices, then it's their loss!!

[chunkee]

I totally know the feeling. It is something I have known for a while, but really afraid to admit. I went through terrible depression when me and my son's father broke it off. It was while I was pregnant, and I had gained quite a bit of weight during my pregnancy. But after I didn't even try to loose it, and kind of gave up. Before I became a mother, I was really cute, had a great figure, and never had to worry about gaining wait. I didn't really pay attention. Then I figured that if no one asked me out, i would never have to deal with being hurt ever again. So here I am 10 years later, and over 100 pounds heavier. Now I feel like such a failure. I have been alone, and unhappy for so long, now how can I ever feel good about my body, and myself. I am terrified of being in another relationship. I am terrified that no one will ever think of me as being attractive. It is a scary place to be.

[susieokla]

Originally Posted by chunkee

I totally know the feeling. It is something I have known for a while, but really afraid to admit. I went through terrible depression when me and my son's father broke it off. It was while I was pregnant, and I had gained quite a bit of weight during my pregnancy. But after I didn't even try to loose it, and kind of gave up. Before I became a mother, I was really cute, had a great figure, and never had to worry about gaining wait. I didn't really pay attention. Then I figured that if no one asked me out, i would never have to deal with being hurt ever again. So here I am 10 years later, and over 100 pounds heavier. Now I feel like such a failure. I have been alone, and unhappy for so long, now how can I ever feel good about my body, and myself. I am terrified of being in another relationship. I am terrified that no one will ever think of me as being attractive. It is a scary place to be.

Oh Chunkee-I'm so sorry you feel this way also. I totally understand but you know we can do this. I figure if we lose the weight and get our self confidence back it's not going to matter if any man finds us attractive or not. But just think when you feel good about yourself it's going to show and people will notice.

We're going to feel so much better about our selves and be so much healthier. You have a 10 year old? Boy or Girl? I've got 3 kids. Two girls 16 and 12 years old and a 4 year old little boy. Just think how much happier our kids are going to be when we're healthier and able to do more things with them and better yet they'll be proud of us and we'll be an example to them.

Hang in there!!!! Please feel free to send me a PM or e-mail me anytime. I'm here.

[ehyatt]

I have a 11 yr old son, and I was very depressed after I had him. I have always been a single mom. I gained a whole lot of weight when I was pregnant, was 206 after I had him, then I joined Jenny Craig and got down to 173. When I was fighting with my son's dad in court and dealing with a newborn on my own, I got really depressed and gained back all of the weight and then some. No matter what I have done, I haven't been able to take the weight off. I really identified with you saying that maybe it is an excuse so that we don't have to get out in the dating world again and get hurt. I am always telling my friends that I am not even interested in meeting anybody now because I want to be happy with myself first. The question is, am I really ever going to get happy about myself, or get over the fear and just get out there? I surely hope so....

[Patty_Ann]

[quote=susieokla] Just think how much happier our kids are going to be when we're healthier and able to do more things with them and better yet they'll be proud of us and we'll be an example to them.

QUOTE]

My son, 8 yrs old, stung my heart when I asked him why I should be on the BL - he said that when I lose weight we ALL will be happy...it hit hard! My daughter, 10 yrs old, is my walking pal and number one supporter - she tells me all the time of how proud she is of me. It makes me feel great - and always puts a on my face!

[susieokla]

[quote=Patty_Ann]

Originally Posted by susieokla

Just think how much happier our kids are going to be when we're healthier and able to do more things with them and better yet they'll be proud of us and we'll be an example to them.

QUOTE]

My son, 8 yrs old, stung my heart when I asked him why I should be on the BL - he said that when I lose weight we ALL will be happy...it hit hard! My daughter, 10 yrs old, is my walking pal and number one supporter - she tells me all the time of how proud she is of me. It makes me feel great - and always puts a on my face!

Patty-I bet that did break your heart when your son said that but just think that's an even better motivator to do this! You're doing so good!!

[Trying4Thin]

You make a great point Susie,

I found that the more weight I gained to try and become invisible, the more I actually attracted attention to myself. People tend to stare at (and treat differently), those who are overweight and morbidly obese. In a society where looks come first and personality comes second, it's no wonder that people who dont fit into a size 6 or less, just want to run and hide. That and the fact that Plus Size clothes are awful....I also agree with you about having the fear that nobody will like you, and things will never change despite weight loss and lifestyle changes. That thought scares me everyday..."What if I lose it all and I am still alone?" Rest assured, there is nothing wrong with any of us. If guys are too blind to realize what great thing they have in front of them, then they arent worth it. I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. I too am trying to win somebody's heart. Your fiancee made the decision to strap on the walking shoes, and the decision should be yours and yours alone whether or not you take him back, or slam the door on him forever. All I can tell you is, keep your head held high, and dont let anyone ever tell you that you arent good enough. As far as I am concerned, the man needs to start groveling!
Ok Dr Phil time...
~Carrie

[susieokla]

Originally Posted by Trying4Thin

You make a great point Susie,

I found that the more weight I gained to try and become invisible, the more I actually attracted attention to myself. People tend to stare at (and treat differently), those who are overweight and morbidly obese. In a society where looks come first and personality comes second, it's no wonder that people who dont fit into a size 6 or less, just want to run and hide. That and the fact that Plus Size clothes are awful....I also agree with you about having the fear that nobody will like you, and things will never change despite weight loss and lifestyle changes. That thought scares me everyday..."What if I lose it all and I am still alone?" Rest assured, there is nothing wrong with any of us. If guys are too blind to realize what great thing they have in front of them, then they arent worth it. I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. I too am trying to win somebody's heart. Your fiancee made the decision to strap on the walking shoes, and the decision should be yours and yours alone whether or not you take him back, or slam the door on him forever. All I can tell you is, keep your head held high, and dont let anyone ever tell you that you arent good enough. As far as I am concerned, the man needs to start groveling!
Ok Dr Phil time...
~Carrie

I don't get to watch Dr. Phil but I do go to his website, he has alot of good information on how to deal with different life situations.

I'm sorry that you can relate to these same feelings. It's not good for us to feel this way about ourselves. You are so right there is nothing wrong with us, whether we're over weight or a size 6 we are the same person inside and if somebody truly loves us it will be for what's on the inside, not the outside. I know there has to be a physical attraction especialy in the beginning but if men are too shallow to look past the physical and get to know the person then they're not worth it in the first place.

The thing about my ex fiance is that he always told me I was beautiful and sexy and that he loved my full figure and I truly believed him. This did so much for my self esteem, even though I knew I needed to lose some weight I still felt loved despite it.

We are actually trying to work things out now. After we broke up I guess he realized that he does love me and I am the one that he wants to be with, the only one. I do truly love him with all my heart. I know he made a mistake, a big one in my book but I don't think it has to be a life sentence for him or for me. I think we can move past it. I said some really mean and hateful things to him during the break up which I regret my reaction and the way I handled things but I've forgiven myself and I think it's made it easier to forgive him as well. So, time will tell. If we're truly meant to be together then we will be. I believe it's worth another shot.

But, I am still going to focus attention on myself and getting myself thinner and healthier! I've got to do it for me now, not just to spite him or the other woman. It's all about me! LOL

You can do it too and I believe God has somebody in store for you that will love you for all of you, not just the physical. Between now and then just learn to love yourself and know that you're worth it.

[Trying4Thin]

I have to say that the major reason that this guy and I arent together is not because of my weight. He didnt like it, but he could have delt with it had I not been so lazy, unhappy, and insecure about it. My weight made me extremely shy, and self conscious. I couldnt reach out to him like a normal person would have. And when I was ready, he was fed up with me. I am not giving up, but I am going to back off for now. It is going to be really hard to ignore the new me. (I mean that I will have changed so much inside and out.) However, I am scared, no terrified to meet and go out with anyone else. Yes there is somebody interested (online thing). Help!! The 1st guy is still #1 for me. But the second guy is really sweet. I hope you and your significant other find your way back to each other, if it is ment to be. Life is too short to be spent without your soulmate.
Hope you taped Dr Phil. I was all but crying my eyes out.
1 hour and 15 mins til it's Loser Time!

[ehyatt]

Originally Posted by Trying4Thin

You make a great point Susie,

I found that the more weight I gained to try and become invisible, the more I actually attracted attention to myself. People tend to stare at (and treat differently), those who are overweight and morbidly obese. In a society where looks come first and personality comes second, it's no wonder that people who dont fit into a size 6 or less, just want to run and hide. That and the fact that Plus Size clothes are awful....I also agree with you about having the fear that nobody will like you, and things will never change despite weight loss and lifestyle changes. That thought scares me everyday..."What if I lose it all and I am still alone?" Rest assured, there is nothing wrong with any of us. If guys are too blind to realize what great thing they have in front of them, then they arent worth it. I am so sorry to hear about your breakup. I too am trying to win somebody's heart. Your fiancee made the decision to strap on the walking shoes, and the decision should be yours and yours alone whether or not you take him back, or slam the door on him forever. All I can tell you is, keep your head held high, and dont let anyone ever tell you that you arent good enough. As far as I am concerned, the man needs to start groveling!
Ok Dr Phil time...
~Carrie

Now she's got her own "walking shoes" and a new attitude!