Do you ever feel like you hide behind your weight?

[susieokla]

I've been thinking the past few weeks as I've been losing weight. I think that I kind of "hide" behind my weight.

I don't have very good self esteem and I don't think I'm very attractive and since the break up with my ex fiance' and thinking about being single and the possibility of dating other men I'm kind of scared that I'm losing weight.

Before I could always tell myself that men aren't attracted to me because I'm overweight. Well, if I lose the weight I'm afraid men are still not going to be attracted to me and I'm going to have to admit to myself that it wasn't the weight, it's just that I'm not very attractive.

Does that make any sense at all??

[lunaticsx6]

Sounds to me like your depressed not only about your weight but others things in your life. (the brake up).
Anyway everyone is beautiful, your beautiful and don't you ever think otherwise. It makes me feel sad that you feel this way about yourself. Your worth losing every pound. Your working on you and making yourself better.
Cheer up . Focus on you and how good you will feel about yourself and not for what men think of you. DO IT FOR YOU!!!

[ehyatt]

What you have to ask yourself is do YOU really want to lose the weight? Don't worry about what anybody else thinks (big or small) about you. You need to make this change to be the best and healthiest you that you can be. When you love yourself and are happy with the changes that you have made others will see that and won't be able to keep from loving you too. Cheer up!

[susieokla]

Yes, I am depressed but I'm slowly coming out of it. I guess my biggest problem is that he ran to another woman, doesn't do much for the ego when your fiance' goes to another woman to get his needs fulfilled.

Yes, I do want to lose weight!!!!!!! For me!!!!!!!!! I want to feel better, look better and be healthier and be an example to my children.

[sandollar1977]

Yes I do hide my weight. I find that I feel like I can hide it if I wear bigger clothing...clothes that hide my tummy, etc....which is kind of crazy since there is no way to hide that! Its there. I'm slowly learning that people see me for what I am. If they choose to accept me based on what they SEE then I don't need their influence in my life. In the meantime I'm working on changing it!

[Patty_Ann]

Hi Susieokla! I want you to know that I have been there...my husband and I have had a VERY rough marriage. We have overcome those obstacles and are very happy with each other now. The one thing that stung my heart while reading your message was when you mentioned that knowing he ran off with another woman - that is always heartbreaking. The one thing I hope that you will soon understand that it was NOT you that made him run - he chose to be with another woman b/c of HIS insecurities! I used to tear myself up everyday b/c I thought that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, or skinny enough to fulfill his needs - I later realized that what he had was the BEST! I know that at this time he knows and understands that I have always been what he wanted - his insecurities made him run. Please, keep your head up!

I don't know how you feel about prayer but when you begin to feel that it is your fault that he ran - PRAY! Getting through this is very hard - I am here for you, as well as others on this forum. You can get through your heartache and focus on your health. Focus on what YOU want! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or wants for you!

[susieokla]

Originally Posted by Patty_Ann

I don't know how you feel about prayer but when you begin to feel that it is your fault that he ran - PRAY! Getting through this is very hard - I am here for you, as well as others on this forum. You can get through your heartache and focus on your health. Focus on what YOU want! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or wants for you!

Thanks Patty Ann for sharing your story with me. I know deep down that it wasn't me that ran him to another woman and it's funny that you said your husband now realizes that you are what he always wanted. I've been talking to my ex on the computer and through e-mail and even now he says that I am the one that he loves and still wants to marry. He just has to get his "single life" out of his system first. We'll see, maybe it'll work out for us.

And yes, prayer is the only thing that has gotten me through all of this.

[ehyatt]

See Susie, I think you do have a pretty good outlook on the situation. Just remember that you should only take him back if it is what YOU really want to do. Is HE what you have always wanted? Make sure that you don't settle because I believe that you can find happiness. Just follow what is in your heart and you can never go wrong. Good Luck!

[Patty_Ann]

No problem at all Susie! I just wish the best for you and for him. If you are meant to be together it will happen...sometimes God's time frame is not the same as ours. We just have to trust Him!

[Cyn777]

Hey Susie,

I understand completely! I was abused by men and the weight became my safety - I'd decided it was being cute and feminie that caused it, rather than the truth that bad people hurt me - nothing to do with looks. So now - even though the old way of protecting is in there (I've lost weight and hit a certain point and gained it back for such fears) it's about telling myself the truth. Making healthy choices, looking great, feeling great have nothing, zero, nada to do with why people hurt other people.

Hold your head high - you are important enough to do this for whether anyone notices or not, whether anyone asks you out or not. Bottom line, if they don't then it's no different form what you're dealking with now, except that you will feel better, be healthier and like yourself more - and my guys friends tell me that is a turn on. You go girl!!!

Cyn