Blame your parents??

[Brian]

In the recent episode of The Biggest Loser - Sapienza's vs Senti's both mothers broke down crying when their daughters got on the scale and weighed in for the first time. Their commentary on this was that they blame themselves for their weight.

Personally I do also agree with them. Parents have the biggest impact on your life growing up. If your parents feed you junk food or just way too much food then you will suffer.

Now I am getting ready to have my first kid and one thing that I am going to do is teach my kid about food/health. This is a very important topic but rarely discussed in homes now days. Food kills TONS more people than drugs but that seems to be a popular topic to talk to your kids about.

I am curious of hearing from you on both sides. Do you blame your parents?

[LorifromFla]

Growing up, my mother always said, "You eat EVERYTHING on that plate because there are starving children all over the world who would do anything for that plate of food in front of you." So with that in mind, I always cleaned my plate. Out of guilt. I thought I always had to eat everything on my plate, no matter what. I could blame them for putting too much rice on my plate, or not cooking with the right oil, or not giving me a balanced meal. I could even blame them for not encouraging me to get enough exercise and instead stay inside and play Nintendo. And while its important that parents instill good health values in their children, it gets to a point where you stop pointing fingers. It gets to a point in your life, where you stop blaming other people and you take a long look at yourself, and realize that its your fault. It's no one else but your own. When you are young, you can blame your parents. You can think back on all of their ways and pick the good from the bad. But once you are older, you take responsibility for yourself. You think and say, "Well there may be starving children in Somalia, but i am FULL and I have had enough to eat." You grow up and you have a responsibility to yourself and your health, because no one is going to live life for you.

[Brian]

"You eat EVERYTHING on that plate because there are starving children all over the world who would do anything for that plate of food in front of you."

I forgot about that one. That does say it perfect though on how many of families make children eat more then they probably should and put in their minds that they must eat a bunch off of food each meal.

[HappySmileGirl]

I can see LorifromFla's point in taking control of your own life, but with me, I think it started as a form of rebellion. When I was only about 10-15 pounds overweight (when I was 16), my mother would say, "are you going to eat THAT? It will make you fat!" etc. She would hurt my feelings, and my way of getting back at her (because I knew it would make her mad) was to look right at her and shove it into my mouth! Childish, yes...but at the time, I didn't understand that she was trying to help me, and was only venting her frustration; I took it as her ridiculing me, and putting more value on my looks than on my feelings and value as a person. I think subconsciously I have tried to prove ever since then to make people like me for ME, not for what I look like. The fatter I got, the more validation I got that they MUST like me for me, because it was no longer for my looks. Of course, now, it has completely backfired on me and I have trouble getting people to give me a chance for them to know me because I feel repulsive to them, and myself!

[MiaDVito]

I gained long after I left home... But I do hear my mother saying I was wasting the food starving children wished for and my father refusing to let me leave the table until I cleaned my plate. (I sat hours!)
They threatened to have a feeding tube inserted!
Now I joke they should have to pay for the liopsuction! LOL

My son is 14. (first time I wrote that -his birthday started an hour ago)
He is thin. But he eats junk. I make meals and he picks then goes to my moms and eats 12 pizza bagel bites and ice cream. He & my dad sneek off for fast food too. I have threatened to have him take a cholesterol test. I am worried about him, heart disease runs in my husbands family.
When he was little he ate fruit and veggies and wholsome proteins, beef, chicken etc. Now he wont touch peanut butter, potatoes, veggies, and barely eats fruit. Only grapes or straberriws.
I don't want him to suffer when it all catches up to him.

[ehyatt]

Originally Posted by Aaron

In the recent episode of The Biggest Loser - Sapienza's vs Senti's both mothers broke down crying when their daughters got on the scale and weighed in for the first time. Their commentary on this was that they blame themselves for their weight.

Personally I do also agree with them. Parents have the biggest impact on your life growing up. If your parents feed you junk food or just way too much food then you will suffer.

Now I am getting ready to have my first kid and one thing that I am going to do is teach my kid about food/health. This is a very important topic but rarely discussed in homes now days. Food kills TONS more people than drugs but that seems to be a popular topic to talk to your kids about.

I am curious of hearing from you on both sides. Do you blame your parents?

Your post really struck a cord with me. I look at my son and he is super skinny, so I don't worry as much when I see him eating fattening things. We eat really nutritious meals but I do not influence his snacking/activity level as much as I should. He is only 11, but I wonder if I am creating bad habits that will come back to haunt us later in life. Definitely food for thought!

[ehyatt]

My parents were a big meat and potato family. We always had huge slabs of meat on our plate with mashed or baked potatoes slathered in gravy or butter, cheese AND sourcream. Then when I went into the Military all I heard from my parents were "you are getting heavy, you better watch it, or you will be in the weight program!" The more that they pushed it seems like the more that I ate. 10 years later and I heavier than ever. It is like when someone tells me to stop smoking, I light another one up. I would really like to break this rebellious side that I have. Why can't people just start supporting each other? I am so glad that I found this forum, I am hoping that together we can help each other break these terrible cycles!

[Patty_Ann]

Aaron...
I do not blame my parents for ANYTHING I have done. I was never overweight growing up...my weight didn't get bad until after having my three chidren (more after my last child).

Although - I have a sister who is really overweight, her husband is overweight, and their daughter - who is only 4 years old is overweight. I do blame them for her weight - it is awful b/c they allow her to get into the fridge and eat anything she wants anytime during the day. I have NEVER seen my neice sit at the table and eat a full course meal for dinner. They eat lots of junk food - fast food - and convenient foods like hot dogs, bologna, chips, etc. It is heartbreaking when I see her go into my mother's fridge and grab a polish sausage and just start eating it. We have tried to get onto them for this but my sister doesn't see a problem. There have been times when she says that it is cute that her daughter (remember she is only 4 years old) has boobies. It isn't cute and it is not healthy!

So...my answer is that when the children are young - the parents are responsible for their child's well being and health. As they become teenagers I see that the responsiblity is with the parents as well as the child. The child should know at this age what is good and what is not.

It is sad to see someone you love not take care of their children in the way my sister has done. I just wish and pray for the best for them all.

[Patty_Ann]

Lori...
One thing that I know has caused me to gain weight over the past year is that when my children do not finish their plates - I did it for them whether I was full or not. It drives me nuts to waste food but have realized that doing this has caused me to gain so much weight. I have also learned not to give my children more food than what I expect them to eat...if they want seconds then they can have seconds. I have stopped eating what was left on their plates and have started using my "mechanical" garbage disposal. I am no longer the garbage disposal!

[Patty_Ann]

HappySmileGirl...I'm sorry to hear that your mom would say such things. I would have taken it as ridicule, too. She should have found another way of expressing her concerns of your weight back then instead of asking in a harsh way.