Blame your parents??

[muppet]

Funny how one comment can stick with you. I remember a family gathering at a lake one summer. I suppose I was around 8 or 9-- I was running around in my swimming suit, and I remember my aunt and mom talking about me having a spare tire! At first I really didn't know what they were talking about, but I soon figured it out. It's kind of weird thinking about it -- I hope I never do this to my own kids. But it's like they were talking about me like I wasn't even there. I was standing right in front of them! It's wasn't a meant to be mean-spirited or anything -- and they laughed a little about it, but I don't think I ever looked at myself the same way after that.
I wasn't fat -- not at all. I just had a little belly, as lots of girls do, especially at that age. And as I said, I know they didn't intend to hurt me. It was like they didn't think I could hear them, or something.
That is the first comment I can remember, that really affected me. I think I became more aware, after that, and probably took a lot of things the wrong way.
It's just amazing to me, how one little comment can affect you so much though. You could say it to one person, and it wouldn't have any effect at all-- but to someone else, they never forget.

[pathoulihanuk]

Its true its the small things that stick out (pardon the pun) and can cause damaging effects long term and can take years is more psychological than anything else.

[Patty_Ann]

My daughter has what some would call a "ghetto booty"...you know "bubble butt"...I have had to tell some of my siblings, even my dad not to mention it b/c it bothers her. She has a very CUTE butt - I love her butt. I wish I had one like it...lol. The sad thing is that when she was 8 years old she felt that she was fat - she has never been fat. She has an athletic build - she is heavy in weight - she weighs 100 lbs. (She is 10 years old now.) It is just sad to know that kids this young are worried about their looks - now she is flipping out over her eyebrows. She asked me to pluck them for her tonight - no way am I doing that...I have explained to her that she is too young.

[pathoulihanuk]

i know very damaging i undersand and can be very psychological long term as well.
Patrick

[Trying4Thin]

It really bothers me that people dont think about what comes out of their mouths before they say it. Depending on the age of the child, they cant really be blamed for what they say. Older children, adolescents, and adults know the difference between right and wrong. Not taking the time to exercise caution in certain statements can be life scaring, like the "spare tire" comment. People tend to comment on anything that they consider "different" and "abnormal." People look first and judge, not even trying to get to know an individual. That really annoys me about this society's "Look First Complex." Sure you can be beautiful on the outside and mean on the inside. I choose to know people from the insides out. Have I prejudged people first? Yes, but I am open minded about it. A while back there was an episode on Dr Phil about a mother who wouldnt let her daughter play with "unattractive children." Never have I wanted to lay out somebody so badly. She did come back for a second show a changed woman, but this woman really angered me. Children ultimately learn from their parents; the people that they idolize early on in life. They take those teachings and pass them onto other children. No wonder why everyone thinks that fat is bad. Centuries ago, being fat was considered sexy. Ok so your daughter has a "ghetto booty." It may be genetics and she could grow out of it yet. If she cant, then start pointing out all the people that are not a size zero and have used their bodies to do positive things. JLo, Beyonce, and plus size model Emme have shot to stardom in a society that thinks thin is the only way. Mandissa put Simon Cowell in his place on Idol and now much of America loves her for who she is and what she can do. Size shouldnt determine success or failure in life. Help your daughter build her self esteem now, so if and when she does encounter hurtful comments, she can just brush them off and move on.

~Carrie

[muppet]

Along these same lines, it bothers me how some of my preschool girls come to school. You can tell some of these girls have had to sit for a long time getting their hair done. And, outfits are always perfectly cooridinated. No way are these kids allowed to pick out their own clothes! I mean, parents need to guide their children and make sure it's appropriate for weather, or specific activies, but kids really don't need matching socks and hair bows!
Don't get me wrong -- I understand dressing up your kids. They have so many cute clothes to pick from, and it's hard to resist it, for girls especially. But I feel bad for some of these girls. I know they spend more time on their looks than I do -- or I should say their moms do. And not just for special occasions! I love the kids who come, looking like they are ready to play.
I have kids who say they can't get dirty either. What??? Come on!!! We use paint, glue, play doh, and we play outside everyday, weather permitting. We have snacks that sometimes they help prepare. We don't set out to get them dirty, but it's inevitable. They shouldn't have to worry so much about getting dirty, or messing up their hair.
They are going to be obsessed with their looks soon enough. No need to accelerate the process!

[Missy]

Originally Posted by Patty_Ann

My daughter has what some would call a "ghetto booty"...you know "bubble butt"...I have had to tell some of my siblings, even my dad not to mention it b/c it bothers her. She has a very CUTE butt - I love her butt. I wish I had one like it...lol. The sad thing is that when she was 8 years old she felt that she was fat - she has never been fat. She has an athletic build - she is heavy in weight - she weighs 100 lbs. (She is 10 years old now.) It is just sad to know that kids this young are worried about their looks - now she is flipping out over her eyebrows. She asked me to pluck them for her tonight - no way am I doing that...I have explained to her that she is too young.

Awww, I think that is so sad that your daughter already feels that way. I'd compliment her everyday and tell her she is beautiful inside and out.

You could also look into getting her some books/videos on the topic.
http://www.webehave.com/SelfEstVids.htm

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/157...76650?n=283155

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/155...lance&n=283155

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/193...76650?n=283155

http://www.veganfamily.co.uk/kidsbookslove.html

[pathoulihanuk]

exactly i agree with those sentiments beauty is inside and outside as well.
Patrick

[Missy]

I really think the campaign that Dove has going on right now is awesome. The commercials always make me want to cry. If you want to find out more, here's a link.

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

[Missy]

oooooooo and there's a book you can get with activities for kids in it
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/dsef/