A fresh start

[muppet]

Sometimes, isn't a change exactly what you need? It's so hard to stay motivated, when day in and day out, it's the same thing. I know people wonder how I can feel that way. I have a husband and 3 kids. They do keep things hopping. But still -- I work part time. I teach preschool, so structure and routine are very important. That's ok there. It makes my days go more smoothly. But everything else is a schedule too. My kids have to be shuffled to and fro for their various activities. And of course, every day off I have laundry, cleaning, cooking... blah blah blah.... I get so sick of it. I have those days where I just have nothing left. What's for supper? Eh-- I don't know-- I don't care! I just don't wanna!!!!
I hate these ruts. I feel like my family deserves better. And I have been in one of these ruts for a long time. I have felt pulled in so many different directions. my husband, each of my kids, my job --- I was getting so I just wanted to scream 'leave me alone!!!'
But, with only a day and a half of preschool left, I can see that much needed change in routine around the corner. I was nervous about our preschool program finale tomorrow night, but I've even gotten over that. It's mercifully short ( yes, I wrote it!), and we are also showing a slideshow of activities throughout the year. 34 three, four and five-year-olds standing all together singing some songs should be a real treat! But I'm not nervous anymore. It will be what it is. Parent's can make me nervous, because sometimes I think they are expecting too much from us, and from their kids. But everything will be fine. I can't control what parents' might think. I can only do the best job I can.
I feel like this is a good time to start a new journal. A fresh start. It's HOT today. I even have the AC on. I just got back from a walk. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm very very saltly! Told you it was hot!
I ate really bad the last 2 days, and totally felt like crap. Cream puffs, and rice krispie bars--- ugh. They sounded so good, and those little bite size cream puffs - so hard to just eat 1!!! But after indulging, my stomach revolted. It's not worth waking up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache. I'm also feeling really fat. All my bad choices are catching up to me.
So, I'm more than ready to put a stop to it. I pushed hard on my walk. I even jogged a bit. I have made excellant food choices today so far. I went to the grocery store, and bought some good fruit and veggies, and fat free yogurt. I also bought some cookies for the kids, but I can resist those.
TOM started this month's visit on Monday night. I was miserable waiting for it to start. I think this has to do with my diet and exercise-- or lack of it this month. Gonna get graphic here -- but TOM usually makes me constipated, just before it starts. When I eat right and exercise, I can manage this problem much better. But when I don't, it messes up everything. Bloated, sick, and crabby!!! So, if by simply eating right, and geting regular exercise, I can alleviate this issue, then I'm going to do it.
Anyway -- this is really long, but hey-- it's my journal. No one has to read it if they don't want, so I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to spill my guts.
A fresh start. A new beginning. That's what today is. I know the benefits of taking care of myself. I know how over-eating makes me feel. It's not worth it. Even if the weight doesn't come off, I know I'll feel better. I'll look better, I'll act better.

[amandads]

I know exactly were you are coming from I believe we all feel like we get stuck in a rut and are being pulled every which way but the way we want to go. Hang in there and things will get better. Try to do something you enjoy atleast once a week. When I take my daughter to her church group meeting on Wednesday nights, I have an hour to do whatever I want. This really helps me to take time for myself.

[Missy]

I'm glad you are able to make a fresh start for yourself. It's so easy to fall into old habits, especially if you are really stressed or depressed about things going on in your life. I have been pretty crabby all week myself. Things just never seem to go the way I want them to. I guess that's the way life is though and we learn to deal with difficult situations. It just takes one of those moments to trigger the light bulbs and switch them back on...basically like waking up and realizing you're not doing what you're supposed to do or what you'd like to be doing.

I bet you are looking forward to the last day of preschool being done and over with. The program sounds like fun. I hope you enjoy yourself tomorrow night and don't stress to much

[Jules]

I hope you're able to have a bit more time to yourself now that preschool is ending. I'm sorry you don't have more free time and feel so pulled in so many directions. I think you have very high expectations for yourself too. Your family is lucky to have you.

Don't apologize for anything to us. It's your journal and I'm glad you're using it for you. That's how it should be. I'm really glad you're looking forward so positively, I need to take a page from your book.

Thanks for sharing how bad you felt after giving in to your cravings. I've had this wierd super craving for mac-and-cheese lately that I don't understand. That sticky fake cheese powder and processed cheese product are so unappetizing, but somehow I feel I need to mix up a box. Just need to remind myself how bad I know I'll feel, huh?

Good luck with your new beginning Muppet. Cheers!

[muppet]

Thanks for your support and understanding.
I am happy to say that preschool is officially over. I have one more work day, and lots of things to think about over the summer, but I'm feeling excited about it. The program went really well -- lots of positive comments.
I'm telling you guys -- if your kids have a teacher, and you think they're doing a great job--- TELL THEM!! It will make their day. Some kids bring a little gift -- really nice, but not necessary. A card, a note, or a simple 'thank you' really mean a lot. I got so many positive comments last night-- I am just feeling really good about my job and what I'm doing there.
Eating has been pretty good. I did eat some goodies last night, but I was really hungry. One lady brought some veggies, so I munched on them, as well as a few cookies.
I haven't done any official exercise, but I know I got 10,000 steps in yesterday!
I have done pretty well with my yoga challenge. I think it ends today. I'm going to extend it till the end of May, because I did miss a few days. And some days, it was more abbreviated than it should have been. But I loved doing it. I always felt really good during and after. And I could do it anytime, because it doesn't make me all sweaty. I usually did it an hour or so before I went to bed.
My husband still has his kidney stones. He has been to the hospital twice now, to try and break them up so he can pass them, but they aren't moving. So, round three will be a different procedure. He goes back in next Friday for that. I'm sure he'll be fine, but keeping him in your prayers, if you're inclined to do so can't hurt. Also keep us in your prayers, once those hospital bills start rolling in! I don't know how bad it will be -- we have different insurance now, than we did the last time anyone needed anything done in the hospital, but I'm not sure how well they will cover. Our current plan seems to do a better job than our previous one, so we're hopeful it won't be too painful!
Off to eat lunch -- I think a healthy choice meal is what is on the menu today.
Later 'gators

[Jules]

I'm sorry about your husbands health problems. I hope all goes smoothly as the surgery and with the insurance company too.

I'm glad your preschool year ended well, I'm sure you've meant a lot to those kids. Great job on extending your Yoga till the end of the month to make up for those missed days-sounds like you really like the Yoga. Cheers!

[muppet]

What is with this site lately? It's so slow to load. I hope it gets back to normal soon, or I won't be responding to too many posts, as long it's been taking for everything to come up.
Anyway -- today is a mixed bag. I got a nice walk in this morning. And I have done a bunch of laundry. I was good, and hung it all up outside, instead of using the dryer. I think I'm a dying breed. I just love to hang my clothes outside. I know some people think it's gross-- like there are bugs crawling all over everything or something. But I can assure you, that's not the case. I love the smell. And it's so good for whites, to hang out in the sunshine. It really brightens them up. Also, if you have a tomato based stain on your clothes, the sun will bleach it right out!. I also hate to use the dryer when it's hot, and we have the AC on. Why make things work harder than they have to? Plus, on days like today -- hot and windy-- the clothes dry faster outside, than they do in the dryer. My dryer takes forever. It's frustrating always having to wait for it to get done, before I can move on to the next load.
Ok -- enough about my thrilling adventures with laundry. I have accomplished a lot. Walk -- laundry-- vacuuming.... but I have eaten more than I should. I made some bad choices again. Not really that bad, but certainly not smart. At least it wasn't candy, or complete junk. And I didn't overeat, or eat more than a proper serving. I guess I ate like a normal person -- not a person who wants to lose weight. I will do my yoga later this evening.
I took a little nap today too. It's been ages since I have done that. I fell asleep on the couch, watching something on tv. I don't think I've been relaxed enough to be able to do that, for a long time.
Don't know if we made a big mistake or not tonight. My son's best friend's birthday is today. They wanted to go to the drive in. It's about a half hour away from here. They were going to take 2 cars, but we let them take our van, so they wouldn't have to. They also got a huge 'don't be drinking' lecture from both of us. I know they will tell us whatever we want to hear, but I'm hoping that we were very blunt, and that they know we are suspicious anyway, that maybe they will behave themselves. I told them several times -- I just want everyone back safe and sound. We decided to give him a chance. I hope we don't regret it. I told him, this is an opportunity to maybe regain some of the trust he has lost from us. I realize I can't be with him 24/7. I know I can't keep him grounded forever. I can just give him a chance. Pray that he and all his friends will have fun, and be smart about things. I want so much to be able to trust him, and let him do the fun things teenagers ought to be able to do. I don't want to have to be so suspicious. But, I have to be. You can't ever think 'my kid would never do that.' I've never been that way, but I have been shocked at some of the stuff my son has pulled this past year. I never thought I had blinders on, but if I did, they are now off.
So, it's a good thing I had a nap. I'm sure I'll be up late, waitiing for him to come home. For peace of mind, and also to check up on him. Look for signs of drinking and smoking. If he's smart, and he really is, there won't be any. If his friends are any kind of friends at all, there won't be any. They are all smart, but do such dumb things. I'm hoping my son realizes that life is much better if he isnt' always trying to get away with something. If he behaves himself, he'll have many more opportunities to do stuff with his friends. That's really what he wants. He can have it, as long as it isn't the party crap he has done before. I'm not the type of parent who will say, 'aww, their just kids -- all kids like to party'. I think that is such crap. I mean, I know it's true, but that doesn't make it ok. That doesn't mean we should turn a blind eye to it. It's very clear to me why the drinking age is what it is. These kids have no clue how do drink responsibly. No clue at all.
Well, I'm not really sure why I went into all that. But I must have needed to express these things. Get them out of my head, and in black and white in front of me-- I think it helps me sort out how I feel about things.
Pretty boring read, but as I've said -- this journal is for me. I have caught myself thinking before '' oh, no one wants to hear about all that...' but I have to remember -- I'm not writing a letter, or a story. I'm just getting stuff off my chest. No one wants to read about it? I don't care.

[muppet]

Today isn't going to be a great eating day. No time for exercise either. Well, maybe there will be later tonight, but it won't be more than some yoga.
I think I"m going to try having Sunday's as my 'cheat' day. I don't know if that will help me or not. I'm hoping that I'll be better able to resist, thinking I can wait until Sunday. Then, my hope is, I will decide that it just isn't worth it, once Sunday rolls around. I don't know -- just a little mind game I'm going to play with myself. 'Cheat' day doesn't mean 'binge' day, so even if I do cheat, hopefully it won't do too much damage.
I have a BBQ with friends this evening. Saw a movie with the family this afternoon. As I said -- eating isn't going to be good. I should be pretty good tonight, but these types of gatherings are notorious for large spreads of food. I'm sure there will be all kinds of choices. But I'm not going to completely pass up my favorites. I'll just be careful. MODERATION!!!

[muppet]

Well, I didn't blow my eating last night -- not completely. But I did blow it in another way. I hurt myself playing volleyball. I went after a ball, and my calf cramped up. CHARLEY HORSE!!! I've done this before, but never this bad. I'm still hobbling around today. I'm sure I'll be back to my old self in another day or two. But, walking, and pretty much any form of exercise is out. We were out super late last night, and stayed up even later when we got home, so I've been napping today. Probably a good thing, with my leg! My goodness- it really hurts. I can't straighten it out all the way -- it's like my calf muscle is about 2 inches too short. OUCH! My husband wonders if I didn't do something else, but there's no swelling, or discoloration of any kind.
Oh well -- like I said, I'll be fine.
I looked up online what I might have done to my leg. It sure sounds like a good old charley horse. It's caused by sudden movements that the muscle isn't used to. And it did say it can take a day or two for the muscle to relax.
I am psyched this summer. I really want to kick it into high gear, and get some of this weight off. I saw myself in a video last night, and I thought I was looking pretty darn dumpy! But then again, I saw myself in the preschool program video, and thought I looked ok. Clothes' really do make a difference! But I don't want to have to be constantly thinking about what is more slimming. I just want to be healthy. I want to look good too, but that will come, if I can get myself healthy.
Hope you're all having a wonderful holiday. Please remember why we have this day. This is a wonderful day for remembering, and honoring all veterans, and those who are currently serving our country. as well as all our loved ones who have passed on.

[Missy]

I have a cheat day once a week too. The health people at my gym gave me 800 extra calories to play with on my cheat day. I stick to eating healthy the entire week and then on cheat days I get to have 800 extra calories if I want and I won't gain anything.

I have found that it helps me a lot. I find that I look forward to my cheat day and I can actually enjoy the food. Before when I ate it all the time, I thought nothing of it..now I can savour the flavours. I also have found I don't crave fast food or junk that much anymore either. I use it as a treat, but not a daily necessity.