muppet's journal II

[helena]

I am totally with you on the smoking issue. its a fithy horrid habbit and it amazes me why people do it. my grandad has lung cancer. and it broke my heart to see him when i went home at christmas, and the worst thing is he hasnt smoked for 18 years!
I am sorry that your son has been lying to you about it, it must be quite hard for you. I cant really offer any advice as i just wouldnt know what to do myself, i think the lying is very hurtful, have you told him how much his lying has hurt you? The worst thing about teenagers is if you said something is blue they would say it was pink!! Do you think he really does like it or do you think its because his friends do it ? He may come to his own senses and just stop.
but even though you were angry you never reached for that chocolate bar that deserves some recognition!! you exercised instead that is great did you feel better?
Take care muppet
Helena

[Missy]

Sorry to hear you are upset about your son. My parents had the same problem with my sister. Nothing will work unless they want to quit. My parents tried and tried to get her to quit...and if they took them away, she'd go buy more or get them from someone else. If he wants to do it, he will find a way.

It's like trying to get an alcoholic to stop drinking or a person to stop doing drugs..you can force them into rehab, but once their out, guaranteed they start the same old habit...reason being, they didn't want to quit in the first place.

[muppet]

Thanks Helena and Missy for the support. I don't want you to think he's a bad kid. He's not. I do think he's addicted. It's really shocking, how many high school kids smoke. Really shocking. He knows how much it hurts me -- his smokng and his lying. When he left for school, I was in tears. So, yeah, he knows. And I know this bothers him. I don't know why he insists on lying about it. We have told him we'll help in anyway--- help him to quit. But he obviously has no intention of doing that.
It's strangely comforting to know that there's really nothing I can do. I think my husband and I have done what we can. We ground, we take away the car keys, we even stopped giving him any money, except for real necessities. We figure if he has money to waste on ciggies, he has more money that we do! But he has a job, so he has enough money. Anyway -- it's pretty much out of my hands. I'm not just accepting it, but all I can really do now is pray, and hope he will decide to do what is right.

Well, back to me....I did the Leslie Sansone Pilates. Not the challenge, just the mat workout. I think next time I will try the challenge. I liked it. It wasn't too long. She explains everything really well, and she takes her time. There also wasn't anything I couldn't do. So, if the challenge is too much for me, I'll just go back to this basic workout, and stay with it till I feel strong enough for the challenge again!
Then I just turned on some tunes and danced and worked out to that. It was pretty fun, and I worked up a good sweat. I'm quite sure I looked like a total moron, but hey -- no one was watching!!!
I ate grilled chicken with my salad today. It was really good. And had a granola bar for dessert. Not the best choice, but not too bad . Not too many calories in my lunch, since it was only salad greens, carrots, and some chicken breast. ( with a raspberry walnut vinegarette-- yum!) I'm not a big dressing lover -- I don't use too much, and it is reduced fat. And-- really good.
I'm going to make lasagne for supper. So, all I have to do it get through the day without any outrageous snacks, and eat a small portion of lasagne. I'm hoping to get to bed early, and get a good night's sleep.
Later 'gators!

[Trying4Thin]

Hi Muppet,
I am sorry to hear that you had a rough day today with your son. Peer pressure is a horrible thing to have to go through. You said he is 16 right? Sounds like he has also hit the rebellious stage in his life. I am sure that he will outgrow it sooner or later. Please dont think that this is because of anything you have said or done. All you can do right now is be there if he needs to talk, but he needs to go out and make his own mistakes and learn from them. He sounds like a good kid who just needs to find himself. We have all been there. Use your frustrations to fuel your workouts. If you need angry music, let me know. I have suggestions out the wazoo!
Sounds like you are having a lot of fun with your workouts. Who cares if you look silly? Your body doesnt care how you dispose of the calories and fat. I find that the sillier I look, I am usually burning more calories because I am adding extra moves. So keep up the silliness. Plus, if you have fun while you work out, you are more inclined to keep doing it.
Grilled Chicken....YUMMY! You cant go wrong with that. Homemade Lasagne! Wow...can I come over for dinner??? I dont think your family would rebel of you made veggie lasagne. However, if you want to make it healthier, try ground turkey. It has the same meaty consistency. Bet they dont notice, or complain.
Have a great night! Hang in there!

~Carrie

[helena]

hiya muppet!!
hope everything is alright with your son!!
I think i might just try and dance around the room to music that sounds like fun!!
with regards to the chicken and mango, you could try any combination you like, just experiment and have fun with it, cooking is there to be enjoyed and not thought of as a chore!!! alot of people mention mac and cheese on this board, im gonna sound really daft to you but what is it? LOL...
You are doing really well with your healthy eating and exercise you sound like you are totally motivated!!!
well take care
Helena!!!

[Jules]

Hey Muppet, sorry about your son. We would never think he's abad kid, just made a bad decision is all. WE've all made plenty of those (or we wouldn't be here trying to lose weight, now would we?) Sometimes choices just don't seem to make sense though. My friend growing up had horrible asthma, made worse around her mom who smoked, especially at home. She hated so much that her mom smoked and how it made it hard to breathe. And what did she turn to in high school? Yup, she started smoking herself. Peer pressure?

I hope he changes his mind about smoking. I'm sorry you've had so much to deal with lately. You definately deserve some you time for exercising and healthy foods to fuel you. Glad you're having such fun working out. Granola bars aren't too bad -depending on the bar. It's great that they're portioned out and all. I just bought some Kashi whole grain honey almond flax ones that I'm very excited to try. I'll let you know if they're any good. Keep that spirit up and stick with that dancing!

PS -helena: Mac and cheese? It's macaroni and cheese. It's typically elbow pasta usually with a creamy cheddar cheese sauce. You can probably see why it's not on our diets much anymore. See a pic of it here: http://www.kraftfoods.com/velveeta

[muppet]

Thanks for all the support and kind words. We're doing ok. I think I have at least gotten him to be up front about it. I don't know why he insists on doing it. After having a heart to heart with him, I really don't think he's as addicted as I thought. I think there are just certain times -- if he's bored at work, or hanging out with friends, that he wants to do it. But he does say that is relaxes him, and I know he has gone outside to smoke-- saying he was just out petting the car or something. I'm not sure why he would do that -- but anyway -- he's a teenager. I do remember being a teenager, but that was a long time ago-- and never having been a teenage boy, I probably can't relate to everything he's going through.
He tells me it's just a fad, and that he'll probably quit when he gets tired of spending money on it. I've explained, that unlike his hair, or the odd way he chooses to dress, this is a fad that can hurt you. It can't be so easily changed. But, whatever happens, I'm not going to let this hurt our relationship. I'm going to hope and pray that he will decide to do what's right.

I just ate a bunch of pretzels. I ate my lunch, and was still hungry -- I tried to wait, but I couldn't get 'cookies' out of my head. I needed to crunch something , so I ate some pretzels. They were good, and now I'm full.
I've had a good day. Had a meeting at work. I always hate going to these things, but I always leave happy and excited about my job. We are discussing changes for next year -- a lot my ideas--- and I'm excited to implement them.
Eating hasn't been stellar -- note the pretzels. But I know there are worse things I could pig out on!
I've been trying to drink my water. Not very successfully, most of the time. I have started drinking some crystal light. I know plain water is better, but I figure that the crystal light is better than diet soda.
The scale was down 2 pounds from last week, but I have been up and down with these 2 pounds for the last month. However,I do think I made progress this week. I ate quite a bit better, and got more exercise this week. Also, TOM started yesterday-- so I figure if I can be down, even with that going on, I might be doing ok. Hope so anyway!
I was a wal mart -- did my Easter shopping, and had to get my daughter hose and shoes for the father/daughter dance on Friday. I got them some DVDs, and a book, as well as the required candy. I wanted to get 'The Passion of the Christ' for my son, but they only had the full screen version. I really prefer wide-screen, so I'll keep my eyes open. Got "Narnia' for my daughter -- the book , for 1 son, and a silly 'Mr. Bill' video for the other. Too young to remember Mr. Bill? He's a clay guy from SNL-- from the 70's I think. They will all love it.. Worst thing -- they will all be saying "OOOHHH NOOOO MR. BIIILLLL!!! ' time. Anyone who remembers this will know exactly what I mean. Can get kind of annoying!
So yeah -- I'm good. Life's good. It's a beautiful day, and I need to get out and enjoy it.
Blessings to everyone,
Carol

[helena]

i am glad everything is alright with your son, he probably appreciated being treated like an adult and not a child, and that was maybe why he opened up to you!! You sound like a great mum!!
Well done on the 2 pound loss and hopefully when TOM has passed you may lose more next week.
Take muppet
helena

[muppet]

Busy busy busy.....
Father/daughter dance tonight-- no, I don't have to go, but I do have to help her get ready. Such a sweet thing! And I think next year is the last year they can go. (only through 5th grade) Boohoo-- my baby's growing up!
Prom tomorrow. Get to see my son all dressed up in a tux! He is going with at girl, but they are just friends. They are going with a group of friends. I think they will have a great time!
I have a conference tomorrow. All day! Ugh -- but I think it's supposed to be kind of yucky out. That helps a bit, when you have to be stuck inside all day.
I have felt like a bottomless pit these last few days. I just can't get enough to eat! I have fallen off the wagon.
I think my problem has been that I am so tired! I can't adjust to the time change, and haven't been getting enough sleep. I think I eat more when I'm tired. My body needs energy. So I eat. Well, I do need energy, but not from food -- I need to sleep!
I'm disgusted with myself. And I have no hope of any kind of weight loss. But I'm going to turn it around. I've done damage, but no reason to continue to do so. I've gotten my blood sugar out of whack too. I'm just not eating the right kinds of food, and that's got to stop!
I'm going to try and get a good night's sleep tonight. If everyone will leave me alone, I could go to sleep by 9. I have to be out the door by 6:45 tomorrow morning. So, I need a good night. Also, if this conference is boring ( hope not!!) I still need to stay awake!!!
I hope you all are doing well.

[muppet]

I am feeling so stressed -- so sad-- so angry. My son has been up to his tricks again. He breaks my heart. It causes so much turmoil in the family, it has got to stop. I don't know what to do. He puts on such a good front, and everyone thinks he is such a wonderful boy. He does have wonderful traits, but he also shows you what he thinks you want to see. Well, that isn't quite right either --- it's not like he's fake or anything. But he has another side that people don't see. It's like he likes to push and push, and see how much he can get away with. And he has no problem lying. Doesn't seem to bother him in the least. So, I'm always suspicious. I never believe him. I can't. I have been sucker punched too many times.
Had a little break-down this morning. I'm not handling this well at all. Prom was last night. I had been at a conference all day, and was so tired. I had only a few hours sleep the night before, because he had snuck out, and I get so upset, there's no way I can wind down to sleep. But, I got home yesterday a little earlier than I thought. So I was able to go take some pictures of him and his friends. Well, my husband had found 5 bottles ( liters, quarts?) of liquer in the trunk of his car. That's a lot of booze! He swears it wasnt' for him ( yeah, right). Even if he was telling the truth , why in the world would you hold that much booze for someone else? He got in trouble last summer for this kind of stuff ( got caught buying beer at a quick shop-- he was 15, and another kid, 14, and the clerk sold it to them -- didn't care one bit!) So, for him -- it's a really big deal to get caught with something like that. His earlier incident is resolved -- and it's not on his permanent record. But he used his chance -- if anything else happens, they won't be so easy on him. He knows this, but I guess is just sure that 'nothing's going to happen!'
My husband and I really don't drink. Maybe an occasional drink, at a wedding, or if we're out with friends. But we don't have beer, or anything in the house that we drink on a regular basis. If we do have that stuff, we usually have to throw it out, because no one drinks it. And we also both hate smoking. Both grew up with it -- both find it completely disgusting. All these commercials -- about being an example to your kids. That they watch what you do. We HAVE been good examples. We HAVE talked to them about smoking / drinking. Over and over again.
I feel useless -- -helpless-- a failure. He had everything growing up. I stayed home. I was involved -- he's always been a good student. Always gone to church. He is still involved -- really enjoyes his youth group. We have always been finacially stable. And generous with the kids, while trying not to spoil. We have always tried to teach them the value of a dollar. And that superficial things don't matter. We never pay big prices for something that is 'cool'. We shop clearance racks, sales. We don't give in and buy the latest, greatest electronic device to entertain them. They have chores, and are expected to pitch in around the house.
My husband and my son have always butted heads. They are both stubborn, hard-headed. So they clash. But, I don't think that is that unusual.
I'm driving myself crazy, trying to figure out why, or what we did that has him so screwed up. Why is he so self-destructive? But, I don't know. I feel like I never should have had kids. I feel like I should leave before I do any damage to my other 2 beautiful kids. I feel like I screw up everything I touch, and I wish I could just disappear. I think I need to go cry now.
This has nothing to do with weight loss. This is just thereputic for me. So, to anyone who has read this -- I don't expect a lot of comments. I know this is pretty heavy, and it's tough to know what to say to someone you only know through a web site. I type if all out, and post it, because I have to put it somewhere. Maybe getting it off my chest, and putting it here, helps take some of the sadness from my heart. But I don't type it looking for advice, or solutions.