muppet's journal

[muppet]

I am 42 years old. Married to a great guy -- mother of 3. 2 boys -- 16 and 13, and 1 girl 10. I adore my entire family. I am so incredibly blessed. I teach preschool 2 1/2 days a week. My faith is very important to me. I pray for God to take my hand, and lead me through each and every day.
This is a very long entry. Read at your own risk. At the end, I am more of less giving myself a pep talk. It probably won't make a lot of sense to you. I'm kind of all over the place! Thanks for a place to let me do this!
I hesitate to do this. I don't know exactly why I feel like I should do this all on my own. I feel like I shouldn't burden anyone else with this battle. I am the reason I got this way, and I am the only way it's going to change. So, why should this type of thing be necessary? I also feel very strongly that if I want to lose this weight, and keep it off, I need to do it myself. No programs, no support groups, no crazy restricted diet, no pills, or any other aids. It has to be me, eating sensibly, and healthy, exercising consistantly. It has to be me, doing this, on my own for the rest of my life. I guess I'm afraid support systems can fail, and if you rely on them too much, you are setting yourself up for failure. Any diet that is too odd, or gimicky is bad. Yeah, I'm sure you lose weight with a lot of them, but do you want to eat that way for the rest of your life?
So, why am I here? I don't know. Accountablity? Kinda--- I have to be accountable to myself. Support and encouragement? Yeah, maybe. It's great to hear those things. But I don't want to need it. I don't want to feel disappointed if I come here, and no one has commented on what I've said.
So, I guess I'm here for me. A place to voice my opinions, vent my frustrations, chastize, or congratulate myself, -- whatever the case may be.
I love reading everyone else's stories -- and find them encouraging and inspiring. I love reading the successes, and the backslides. Not because I want anyone to do poorly, but so far, anyone who has gone a bit backwards, seems to have the right attitude. To put it behind you, and get back on track. That is something I have a problem with. I'm like -- oh, I've already done bad today, what the heck!
5'5"
195 lbs
Insanely high cholesteral.-- and too scared to go back and get it checked again. It runs in my family. My diet has improved a lot since I first had it checked. I will get it checked again, this summer, when I get my physical. I have to do my very best. I do NOT want to take any medication for it. I did exceptionally well for awhile, and lost about 20 lbs. But gradually slid back to old habits. I put the weight back on. I have started to lose a bit -- 5 lbs. I have to get that 20 lbs back off, and then some. Another 40 lbs after that would be great!
So, I know I can do it. I have done it. I just have stuck with it. I did better, and stuck with it longer last time, than ever before. I guess that's progress. I just have to get back on that horse and try again. I have no choice. I can't stay like this. So, I either have to just do it, or live, being mad at myself -- hating my body, hating my weaknesses. I need that strength back -- that determination I had a year and a half ago.
I can, and will do it!
Carol

[ehyatt]

Hi Carol, and welcome to the forum. We all have our own reasons for being here. I agree with you that you have to depend on yourself first and foremost to make a real change. But, I have found that since I have joined this forum that support goes a long way to helping me stay motivated. The forum is great to come each day to journal my progess/ or lack thereof, but I truly relish the feedback that I get from the other members. I have gotten to know them and they feel like friends that I could tell anything too. We are definitely here to support you and you never need to worry about us not being there for you or not caring, because we do!

Hope you keep coming in!

[Trying4Thin]

Hello
First of all, dont ever apologize for long posts. I dont know how to write short ones either. I think the purpose of these journals is to track everything; the ups, the downs, the two steps forward/five behind, the good the bad and the UGLY. The content is your choice. Always remember that these journal entries are for us (the authors), and even if nobody else reads them, they should serve as a safe place to express your feelings. You are not being critiqued because we are all in the same place. I have not seen one nasty post (like other sites). We are all friends here. So feel free to write what you feel. You never know who you could end up inspiring.

~Carrie

[Widdlecuddles]

Welcome Carol! You can do this and will do this! For me it helps to come in here and post my thoughts and just somnetimes "talk" through what's going on. Feel free to share with us anytime - it may help you to talk it out and also (like you have mentioned about other posts) it may be an inspiration to others
Remember God is always with you and he will walk with you through this journey to a healthier you every day

[muppet]

Aww shucks... you all are going to make me cry! Thanks so much for taking the time to respond. This board is wonderful.
I am going to do it! I know what I need to do.
I hope I can be of some help to others along they way.

[muppet]

Ahh, Sunday. I just want to curl up with a good book! And I will -- eventually. First I will do light workout. Want to know my excuse for keeping it light? I have to go out to supper tonight, and I don't want to get all sweaty, and have to shower again. I know-- shame on me!
Valentine's day is sabotaging (sp?) me! Tonight -- my son's youth group at church has a lasagne supper. And, I have to make cookies for my other son and daughter to take to school on Valentine's day. Plus, I teach preschool, so they will all give me a bunch of candy! HELP!!!
I need the most strength to resist the cookies. I'm going to make cut out hearts, with frosting. They are so good -- if I do say so myself! So, I'm promising myself, and all of you, that I will NOT eat a cookie! ( Not even if it's broken!!!) I will probably need to taste a little bit of frosting, to make sure it tastes right, but I am going to resist. I have done it with chocolate chip ( not even a bite of dough!) and I can do it with these to.
I am going to enjoy the supper tonight. It is my valentine's dinner! I'm just going to try and leave some on my plate.
Goals for the week --- get a decent scale-- like the weight watchers one, I read about here.
-Up the fruit and veggie intake.
-Reduce the carbs ( hardest -- I love bread!) make carbs whole grain, healthy.....
I can't give up diet soda though! Why is it so bad? Why are so many giving it up? Maybe I don't want to know!!!!)
- resist all sweet and sugary valentine treats. Oh shoot-- we are having valentine cookies, for a snack at preschool, on Tuesday. I will have to eat @ of them! Ok, this is not going back on my promise, because these are not the cookies I made. The problem with the cookies I made, is that I will eat way more than 2, if I start eating them. How about if I don't eat the whole cookie, each time? Just half? Yah, that's what I'll do.
- Strenuous work out Monday, and Wednesday ( my days off) Walking and light stretching, conditioning, Tues, Thurs, Fri.... Weekends-- do what I can...
-Drink more water and... hmm.. I can't say it..... cut back on.......(nooooo!!!) the diet soda... AACKKK!! who said that???? Me???? What am I thinking?
But seriously, I don't know what is so bad about diet soda, but I'm quite sure water is better. I do need to drink more water, and if I do that, then I should drink less soda, right?? Right??? RIGHT!!!!
Again -- this is really long.. to anyone who read it all -- you're quite a trooper! Thanks for your time and support.

[thekidsmom]

You can do it! You are on the right track. I to don't do diets or fastings and the like. I am determined to make a LIFESTYLE CHANGE! I want to be healthy for myself and my kids. I am trying to eat healthy foods, stay under 1260 calories and keep up portion control. I too had to bake for my son's activities (cub scouts) I made cupcakes. And I didn't eat one, so I know you can do it too!! Let us know how it went. Good luck!

[ehyatt]

I am a teacher too! (5th grade). I have been eating really healthy for 2 weeks now and my students know that I am in a weightloss competition and they can see the results already. For our Valentine's party they promised to bring in some healthy stuff and veggies. It is awesome that they are supporting me, they keep going around to the other teachers and saying "my teacher is going to win!"

My son is also a Boyscout. I am okay making the sweet stuff for him to take, but I will not even go get a plate if they do not have healthy alternatives. Try packing your own snack so that you are participating but not overindulging. Let me know how it goes!

[susieokla]

Hi Carol! I don't think I ever sent you a welcome yet!!! So, WELCOME!!!

Sounds like you're doing great! Keep up the good work and remember we're all in this together!!

[TStreich]

Welcome to the board. You will love the support you find here. You can do it and we will help you through it as we are all going through it too.