For a Healthier, Happier Me!

[muppet]

Hey Jules! You guys make a really cute couple. He looks like a keeper -- probably worth putting up with a few annoying little habits!
Jack Skellington!!! We love that movie. My son especially. Have you seen Corpse Bride? What did you think of it? ( maybe have to ask him, if he is the Tim Burton fan, and not you)

[Jules]

Hey Muppet, actually we watched Corpse Bride over Easter weekend. I loved it, although I've never actually seen nightmare before Christmas. THanks for the compliments. I really didn't post the picture to brag, but just because he's really my inspiration and help in life. Plus I wanted to see how to post a pic to help out with that thread.

Ah, not even writing about my diet today. Money problems are eating me alive lately. It's taxes due day, and my fiance's W2's were lost in our move somehow. My old landlord said he used my security deposit to buy a new stove, not because the old one wasn't working, but because it wasn't clean enough. Eh, without even telling me to clean it? A whole new stove instead of some oven cleaner? And my insurance money was accidentally mailed to my parents in Oklahoma instead of to me, but my medical bills that money is to pay for are due today.

I hate money and people who do stupid things with my money. Sorry not too positive. Maybe I'll be determined enough tonight to go work off some stress with some exercise.

[Missy]

Sorry to hear about all the money problems. I know how that is, I am currently dealing with some money issues and trying to make sure I have enough money for my bills. It's tough. Hopefully everything works out for you though.

[Jules]

Heavy post, you might want to steer clear. I just need to get this off my chest.

Lately I've not been posting in my journal because I feel it's been a bit useless. Not the site, but my progress. I've had a very stressful few days coupled with misunderstandings and just a plain bad attitude. I started skipping breakfasts then eating bigger lunches, and basically eating only 2x per day. Yesterday was the worst though. It's like I became determined to drown myself in food. I didn't eat anything until 1pm, then I went to the school cafeteria and bought a snack bag of Nacho Doritos, a big slice of garden veggie pizza and a slice of cheesecake. I plopped myself down and ate the pizza. I was full after that, and then I tried to force myself to eat the chips and cheesecake. Luckily my new stomach said that's way too much for me and I threw atleast half the cheesecake away. It was a new low though. I wasn't sure if I felt sick from the calories I'd just scarfed or at my own shame. I was consciously trying to eat bad things to match my bad attitude. I even pondered setting a new attainable goal for myself -getting fatter and gaining weight. I have to remember that losing weight is attainable for me -it is. I've lost 14 lbs, put back a few, but surely if I already lost 14 lbs I can lose the rest of what I want.

Why is feeling happy and fulfilled so hard? How can stupid things like financial stress and stupid little misunderstandings affect me so? I've been frustrated with a lot of people lately, but mostly I'm frustrated with myself today.

I decided to try and find a new creative outlet for my stress so yesterday I bought a couple of things off of Amazon to help motivate/inspire me. I hope it helps, just a few art books. I used to draw a lot in the days before I became a couch-potato-eating-machine. I used to do a lot of things. I played violin and viola and painted and sketched and wrote peoms and exercised. I hate being a couch zombie and I'm afraid I can't do any of those things anymore. I'm afraid I stopped using those parts of my brain and I've forgotten how to be creative anymore.

I want to have energy and to lose weight. I want to feel pretty and confident and be happy with myself. I want to make myself get off my bum and exercise (my biggest downfall). I want to quit letting my emotions control my relationships and my diet and my life.

I ate breakfast today -but not until 11:30. One Pkg low sugar apples and cinnamon oatmeal and a snack can of carb cleaver peaches. Not exactly breakfast time, but it's got to be better than nothing. (170 cals total) I slip back into my old bad habits way too easily. Anyone want to be my exercise buddy and get me to a gym before I have to be rolled there?

Atleast tonight is survivor/CSI (my fav TV night of the week). Maybe I'll tape it and watch it at my leisure, and use my evening for good instead of evil. I know I atleast have to go grocery shopping tonight -last night I ate leftover white rice mixed with a pkg of airline peanuts and a dab of indian spice paste.

I'm not digging for compliments with this post. I need a journal to write in to get this off my chest and so I can look back at it and never do it again. I'm sorry it's not a happy, encouraging post. I guess I'm trying to catch up to the bandwagon agian too. Thanks for all your comments Missy, muppet, everyone (and e-mail, thanks Carrie!) I guess I've said what I needed to say, now it's time to do what I need to do (well after work that is.)

[Trying4Thin]

Hi Jules,

Thanks for being honest with us about what you are going through. But more importantly, you need to thank YOU for being honest with yourself. That is always the hardest thing to do; to confront yourself. Now you can work towards a solution.
Being stressed over finances and missunderstandings is normal. Take a look at some of the other journals on here....they all consist of roughly the same topics of concern. I would be worried if you werent worried about things. Because you worry means that you give a darn about things. (As long as it isnt to excess). I have recently learned that everything has its place. With the growing cost of things these days, it's no wonder we all arent in the poor house. Do you have any sort of budget plan in the works? (I know I could use one. I am horrible with money). Maybe you could sort of journalize your expenses and see where your cash is going to. Then you can worry about tweeking it afterwards. Little missunderstandings are also normal in loving relationships. I touched a little on this the other day in another journal. I dont know what the issues are (they are none of my business), but you and your fiancee (or whomever) need to sit down and talk TO each other, and not AT each other. Once the both of you can see where the other is coming from, then the air can be cleared. Be open minded and willing to compromise. I bet you can get through whatever issues you two are currently at odds over.
As for your eating and general frustration over it; I think I can help. I think a big reason why people quit a "lifestyle change" is because they quit believing in themselves. Dont blame the diet. Place the blame where it is due. (It is a tough lesson to have to learn). You have lost 14 pounds already. Have you picked up a 15 pound weight to see what that feels like? Why in the world would you want to sabotage yourself and put it back on? Dont let your emotions rule your life. I am sure that you have heard of the Bermuda Triangle...When caught in it, you lose all sense of direction etc. All you do is continue on in a downward spiral until you crash and burn. Emotional eating is pretty much the same. Feeling emotional (anger, stress, sadness etc) ---> overeat ---> feel even worse ---> eat more....(repeat) until you feel so awful about yourself, that you can barely function. The trick is to recognize the signs before you hit the Triangle. There are several things you can do here....1) Take a 5 minute "emotional break" and get yourself together again. 2) Have a portable journal that you can keep in your pocket for the times you really need to vent. But stick to venting only, not eating. 3) Have a happy place that you can "visit" when life feels really stinky. 4) Always follow your ears, not your nose. Let music be the main influence in your life, not food. Have a "Feel Good Song" that you can listen to. Doesnt matter what it is. I like silly songs because then I begin laughing and forget why I was feeling what I was feeling. EX: "Dont Worry, Be Happy" (Bobby McFerren) Corny as heck, but never fails to get a smile. 5) Eat on a regular schedule. If you dont eat, your metabolism suffers, and so does your attitude. If I am really hungry, I get really really bitchy. Even if you dont feel like eating, eat a little something anyway. Or like you discovered, the hunger will hit hard later on. Then you feel not only sick afterwards, but guilty for overeating, and your food choices, if they were less than good ones. Listen to your body, if it says it's full..dont push. Somebody once said that cars were more intelligent than humans because when you try to top off the tank of a car; it will reject the extra fuel. Too bad we arent wired with a Full Shutoff Valve. Keep brown bagging it to work if you dont think you can resist the stuff at work. Take lunch outside while the weather is nice. Just beware of ants!
I am glad to hear that you are looking for new hobbies. They are good for self esteem, distraction from life's stressors and when the next meal is. Just think of all the new artwork you will have for your new place! The Jules Originals Collection!!
As far as exercising...a good playlist makes all the difference. If you want, I can give you a list based on your musical tastes. There is nothing wrong with some tv after the work day. You can do cardio while watching, or lift, or stretch. I recently bought an Ab Roller so I can watch the tv without having to blast it. So you may be a little sluggish to exercise, (who isnt) but the more you do it, the more your body will crave it. Plus, it is "Jules Time." When you exercise, you are concentrating on YOU, and not the problems of the world. I think you could use some time for yourself when you can free your mind and think about what you want to, and only that.

Hope this helps! You can always PM or email me!

~Carrie

[muppet]

Hey Jules,
Sorry you're going through a tough time. I'm glad you took the time to put it all in your journal. I hope you felt a little better -- getting some of that off your chest. We're all pretty good listeners here. And we've all had our share of 'heavy issues', that we've shared here. Hang in there Jules!
My middle son plays the violin. I just love it. He really enjoys it too. He started a few years ago. We are now to the point where we need to buy him a violin. We have just rented so far. The rent applies to a new one, but only for two years. So, I guess we're going fiddle shopping soon! Any advice?
I'm sure you haven't lost any of your skills. I think it's great for you to go back and try some of these things again, that you used to love.
Keep us posted Jules!

[mifsit]

Hi Jules, your post sounds very familiar to me. financial worries, then stress over food etc etc and into a dark place i go. My only advice to you is to keep posting here and share your problems. there's a saying back home in england, a problem shared is a problem halved. I've found everyone here (including you) to be helpful and inspirational.

Can i tell you i think you look great (without sounding like i'm trying to hit on you). Also i used to work in an art gallery many moons ago and I'd be interested to see your work if you can post it here somewhere.

[helena]

We all have down times but luckily we can share our problems on here together!!! remember you are not alone and if you need to talk we are all here!!
you always have positive things to say on here!! you cant be positve all of the time sometimes the person giving the advice and support need the advice and support themselves!!!
take care Jules!!!

[TStreich]

Don't feel bad about posting bad days too. That is one thing about here we all understand we all have them. If everyone posted happy post I think people would get discouraged when they had a bad day cuz we wouldn't be painting a true picture here. And it's your journal and that is what journals are for right. Hang in there.

[Jules]

Originally Posted by muppet

My middle son plays the violin. I just love it. He really enjoys it too. He started a few years ago. We are now to the point where we need to buy him a violin. We have just rented so far. The rent applies to a new one, but only for two years. So, I guess we're going fiddle shopping soon! Any advice?

Hi Muppet, I'm glad you and your kids have a love for string instruments. Most places selling violins let you take them for short periods of time and try them out. Don't rush into anything and definately try different ones and compare them. Each instrument has its own character, its own sound. If he has a violin teacher, maybe they would be willing to look them over before you purchase it. Also remember to ask about the strings on each one as you try them because you want to make sure you fairly compare instruments not strings. Have fun with it!