Will '08 be great?

[muppet]

I don't like feeling bad about myself. I'm not waiting for life to become enjoyable again, once I lose 40 pounds.....
I'm enjoying life right now. I don't hate how I look. I with I was slimmer -- especially in my belly, but it's not like I refuse to go out, or hide in oversized clothes. I like my curves--- most of them anyway!
Life won't be suddenly perfect if I'm wearing a size 8. All my problems won't be solved. I would be healthier, if I got that way through healthy diet and exercise.
But it is not about size and weight for me. I would like to be smaller and to weigh less, but it doesn't consume me, and I'm not going to apologize for being over weight. I'm doing what I can to, right now, to try and remedy this. I truly believe someday I will succeed.

This is what I posted on my weigh ins page. And, as I told a friend there, it's largely due the person who is currently my employer. She would not accept my answers to questions about why I care about fitness. For me, as you may already know, it's about more that weight or size. It's about being strong and healthy. I know to truly be healthy, I need to drop some weight, but I also know that exercise is doing me good, even if I don't.
I did not like this woman. She is the owner if the Curves where I just started working. She wanted an answer like 'I want to be a size 8 for my nieces' wedding in November'. Well, I don't do that. That kind of think works for some people, but then after they reach their goal and the big event is over, they start reverting back to told habits. I've seen it many many times and may have even been guilty of it as well. But I don't do that anymore. I want to do what's best for my body, and then my body's size and shape will improve accordingly. If I'm not meant to be a size 8, then I'm not.... whatever. I can feel good at any size, and even feel good now, at a size 14. This woman really tried hard to make me feel bad about myself. I think she thinks she is a psychologist or something, but I'm probably had more psychology classes than her, so it wasn't working on me.
This lady lives far away, and doesn't come around much, but I don't see how I can be part of a program that I'm not completely sold on.
They also don't want me to work out at the Y anymore, which I can understand. But if you really care about women and their health, you should know that variety is the best thing, so mixing Curves with the Y, and then adding walking and biking, is probably the best. Just Curves? Only Curves? Why? They don't discourage walking or biking or anything, but I don't think they should discourage any kind of physical fitness.
So I need to talk to my manager tomorrow. As I told my friend on Weigh ins, it's just a low paying part time job. I don't know that it's worth it. I really like the manager, and the ladies who come to work out, and the other women than work there. But if I listen to my heart, it's really not there.

[Missy]

That's a bunch of bs if you ask me...not everyone CAN be a size 8 or lower...especially if you're blessed with a lot of muscle like I am...I don't think I could ever physically get that small no matter how hard I tried for that. I would look sickly...and what's the point in getting down that small if I have to lose all my muscle to get there? I'd rather be strong and be at a good fitness level, have a good cholesterol and blood pressure than worry about what a stupid scale or clothing size says. I don't blame you for not liking her.

[muppet]

I talked with my husband about my job and he has no problem if I decide to quit, which I think I will. I feel bad because I really like the manager, and I don't want to put her in a tough spot. But I think if I tell her I won't leave her high and dry maybe she'll feel better about it. I don't want to get her in trouble with the crazy owner, because she will probably say she didn't do a good enough job interviewing me. In reality, it was the owner who soured me on the place, but I'm sure you could come right out and say that, and it wouldn't sink in.
Eating has been quite bad. Another sign that this job is not the right one for me.... I am going to start going to the Y again. Even while I'm still working at the Curves. I guess they can let me go whenever they want. If they want my help till they find someone else, fine. But if they can't deal with me working out somewhere else, then I have no problem leaving.
The right job is out there. I don't mind not working though. I never seem to be bored. I think because my husband is working nights right now, and leaves a few hours before the kids come home from school -- I always feel like there's someone who needs me for something. I am, and will probably always be, first and foremost a Mom.


Again, this was my post at Weigh ins. I can't wait to put this behind me. I'm dealing with one child who is having a difficult time adjusting to our new home and town. By all appearances he's doing great -- grades are wonderful -- he's involved, he has friends, but he just misses his old friends so much sometimes, it overwhelms him. He is talking to a psychologist who is giving him things to do to try and help him deal with these sad feelings he has. They aren't going to put him on any anti-depressants, at least she didn't think that would be necessary. I was glad to hear that, but when he gets down, he gets really down. It sucks all the life out of me as well. It's very hard for me to understand, but when he feels bad, he turns to me, and I try to do my best to do the right thing for him. I'm not sure what that is. I just listen. But I get upset too, and start to feel bad because I feel like we messed things up for him by moving, and that just makes him feel worse. So I try to not show it, but my heart feels like it's made of lead when he's feeling bad. It feels so heavy and I can feel happiness sinking..... draining out of me.
I don't know really how to explain it, but it's exhausting. And this is where I need to be, taking care and focusing on my family.
This boy is the sweetest boy you will ever meet. I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom. I've heard it from so many people. And he's normally so happy -- I think he's grieving, just like you would if you lost a loved one, but he's not used to feeling so sad and doesn't know how to deal with these feelings. I think the psychologist has helped and will continue to help him. And I know in time things will get better. This just doesn't feel like home yet, but it will. Next fall he will be a sophomore. That's going to help too. Doesn't freshman year suck for everyone in some ways?
But anyway -- thanks for listening to whoever reads this. It really helps to get this off of my chest.

[muppet]

TODAY:

I will eat food I enjoy that is good for me
I will eat reasonable portions
I will eat when hungry and not because I'm upset, bored, or stressed out

My goals for today. Just today. That's all I'm going to think about for now.

[muppet]

I did OK yesterday.
Today, I will eat food I like that is good for me.
I will eat reasonable portions.
I will eat when I'm hungry.

I gave my notice today. My manager is a super nice lady and understood completely. She even confessed she has looked for a different job too, because of the horrid owner or this Curves. So many people today told me how annoying they thought she was. It almost makes me want to reconsider, but I still wouldn't join a Curves if I was looking for a gym. Nothing against them -- just not for me. I said I will stay until she can find someone else, which I think she appreciated. But I can't wait to get back to the Y! And I'm not going to either.

[muppet]

Yesterday's unnecessary consumption -- a few french fries, and a couple of pieces of banana bread.

Today:
I will eat good food that I enjoy
I will eat reasonable portions
I will eat when I'm hungry.
No exceptions for food that is warm out of the oven. That's OK, if I just have a little bit, but I tend to overdo. Anyway, I won't be baking today, so it shouldn't be an issue.
I'm bringing yogurt today to snack on at work.

[Trying4Thin]

1) Freshman year is one big huge rollercoaster of emotions. It will get easier.

2) Do not go back to Curves, they have nothing to offer you but comments that will blow your self esteem. The location I drive by everyday at work just went under. A sign of things to come? Look what happened to LA Weight Loss...bankruptcy HA!!! It is impossible to work for a company whose vision you do not share. Don't be willing to compromise on your beliefs.

3) McDonald's is only the latest franchise to add to what I lovingly refer to as, "The March Of The Monster Sandwiches" aka: "Heart Attacks On A Bun."

Burger King (BK Stacker and Double Whopper)
Hardees
Carl's Jr.
Wendy's (Baconator)


The list goes on....

[muppet]

Thanks for you comments Carrie.
My oldest son went through a lot of growing pains his freshman year too. I can't get Jeff to see that this is something everyone goes through. He is tying all his unhappiness with our recent move. Everything that made him happy is in our old town. At least that's how he says he feels when he's down. When he's not down, he seems to like it here just fine. It's just when he dwells on what he left behind, he lets it consume him and he can't see anything good about our new home. In his mind, all was perfect there. Not true of course, but that's how he thinks.
As far as Curves goes, I can't wait to be done. I think (hope) she was going to have someone new hired and trained this week, so this might be my last week. I have nothing against Curves itself. I would never join one -- it's just not for me. It's a social outing for so many of these women -- which is fine -- but I just want to do my thing when I go work out, and go home. And, after only 2 weeks, I was already bored with the circuit.
Carrie, I know you take your music seriously, as do I, and I have to say that the stuff they play there was BRUTAL! Most I can tune out, but when they do some techno-butcher job on "Another One Bites the Dust' and "American Pie', that is just WRONG!!!
The manager, and everyone else who worked there was very nice and not at all pushy. But the owner was pushy enough for everyone. Self-important -- self- involved... YUCK! No thanks. Even though she really wasn't around much, I didn't want to work for someone I have zero respect for. She was all about sell sell sell..
And I did go back to the Y this morning. It was wonderful. I can go when I want, do what I want, and listen to my own music!
30 minutes elliptical
20 minutes strength and stretching
20 minute walk
I feel good!

[muppet]

Well, I'm doing pretty good. I've been working out. Sometimes I think I'm eating better, but I think if I was really keeping track, it would not be so good. I'm not feeling hungry enough. For me, that is the easiest way to know how I'm doing. I have to feel hungry -- empty stomach. I haven't gone near the scale. I know I've gained. I probably won't weigh myself until I have a couple of weeks of more sensible eating. No sense in getting upset by what the scale says. It's not like I'm in denial or anything, but I know if I can just eat well, the weight I've gained will come right off, and then I'll be stuck where I've been forever it seems, but I'll just have to figure out how to get past it.
It seems like there is no routine to my life anymore. My husband is around at odd times because it seems like he's always covering different shifts at work. We have done some remodelling and so my house has been a construction site for over a month now. I think that might be why I feel so out of sorts. My house doesn't feel like home, and it won't until we get everything done and get all those freakin' tools put away! It's getting close. We are now working on picking out counter tops. We want granite. The guy said it was probably less expensive than other solid surfaces, and I absolutely love it. My only worry is that he will come check out our existing cabinets and say they aren't sturdy enough to support the granite. We really don't want to put out the money for new cabinets right now, but I know they ones we have are nothing too special. They are ok - they look fine, but don't seem to be top of the line. My existing counter tops and sink are awful. I would be happy just replacing them and keeping the cupboards, but like I said, I'm a little worried he might say they aren't strong enough. Oh well - we'll see. I just want to get it all done.
Week ends are always tough for me. I don't think we have anything going on this weekend though. Maybe that will help me stay on track.
I tried a protien shake yesterday. It was gross. Vanilla. I had lots of ice in it too, but I couldnt' finish it. Sickeningly sweet. I wanted to try chocolate, but could only get a sample of the vanilla. And as bad as I thought that was, I would never waste any money on chocolate. It's probably just as well that I drink a glass of low fat choc. milk, rather than mix up a shake anyway.
I'm just jabbering on because I'm at work and there's really nothing to do. I would like to just read a book, but I feel kind of bad if anyone else is here. At least if I'm on the computer it looks like I could be working anyway. I normally would never do this, but it's not like there's anything else I'm supposed to be doing. I am used to hitting the ground running at my old preschool job, and not being able to catch your breath all day. Most days I wished we didn't have so much to do in a day, but that's better than having nothing to do. Time just drags. I don't know how much longer I'll be here. Another week or so, until they get someone else trained. Sometimes I feel like I should have stuck with it, because mose everyone is so nice, and I would get to meet a lot of people, but I know in my heart I've made the right decision to leave. Well, I think I'm going to read for awhile now, and they get busy doing a little cleaning before I close up for the night.
Hope you all have a nice weekend -- all 1 or 2 of you who might actually read this!

[Missy]

Matt and I buy the chocolate isolate protein for shakes...it actually does taste similar to chocolate milk. I never thought I'd like the chocolate ones, but I actually like them a lot better than the strawberry/banana protein we had before.