Will '08 be great?

[muppet]

Hello folks. I have witnessed and heard some things this holiday season that have made me cringe. I don't want to go into detail, although I feel like I could use a good vent... but I don't want my first post in '08 to be negative. So I'm going to try and find a positive way to channel my frustrations. I can't control others -- I can only control myself. I also know I'm not going to change people, but maybe by being a good example, some people might see there is a better way.
How do we combat cruel comments and juvenile observations? How do we deal with people who are so closed minded they don't even realize their statements can be hurtful? These are people that I care about. And they care about the people they are talking about. I heard so many snarky comments behind people's backs -- I know things are being said about me behind mine as well.
But I want to break the 'bitch' cycle. I want to rise above it. I want to break this cycle of shallowness that I witness in my own family and hear about in so many others. 'Oh, look at so and so -- they sure have gained weight!" "So and so is still thin, but her hips are getting bigger!"
You get the idea? These comments are made like there's nothing wrong with them... like it's perfectly OK to discuss these personal things like it's their business.
So while normally I want to rant and rave about how stupid it all is, I think I will refrain for now. It's their problem-- not mine, and not anyone's whose hips might be bigger or who has put on some weight over the past year.
I don't know why people have to be that way. I don't know why they feel like they have the right, and why they feel like they can nit pick at others, while their own lives are far from perfect.
On to my day -- I didn't feel the greatest today, so I stayed away from the gym. I plan to go tomorrow -- kids are back in school and it's back to a routine.
I hope everyone is enjoying the new year so far and that '08 will be GREAT for everyone!

[muppet]

40 minutes elliptical
15 minutes strength
10 minutes stretching
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I will eat healthy and smart today. Yes I will!!!

[nahum1_7]

Good Job!

(((((((((hugs))))))))))))

[Trying4Thin]

The green team was shown 6 weeks after leaving the ranch. So the results werent insane like previous seasons. The daughter will get there; I can feel it. The father has to fix his poor attitude before anything else.

Good job with the exercise!
You have a cardio machine at home???

[muppet]

I have no machine at home. We recently moved and joined the local Y. I love it. I take the kids to school and then go and work out. I love the fact that they are good quality machines, and I won't have to deal with any maintenance problems. Not that they've had any since I've been there, but I've had various pieces of equipment -- usually cheap stuff--- and when something breaks, you're out of luck. They make the cheaper stuff disposable. It's also nice to change things up, although the elliptical is my favorite, by far. If I was ever going to invest in something for my home, it would be that. But I'm surprised at how well I like working out there. It's kind of no-nonsense-- just get in, get the job done and go home.
I just logged my food at calorie-count.com. Yikes! I have gotten out of the habit of doing that, but it is essential for me. I didn't think I did that bad today, but even with all the exercise, I still barely burned more than I consumed. I have to get out of this mindless eating habit I've gotten into.
I was logging in my food, and thinking I was done, and thought -- wow - not good, but could be worse. Well, I had forgotten to log in my entire lunch!
Every calorie counts... every calorie counts.... every calorie counts.......
THINK THINK THINK THINK!!!!!!!

[muppet]

33 minutes on elliptical
I really wanted to do more, but this was all I had time for today. I think I did work a little more vigorously the entire time though.
I almost skipped it, thinking I wouldn't have enough time to do the workout I wanted to do. I'm proud of myself that I went anyway. Half an hour on an elliptical is nothing to sneeze at, and I'm much better off having done it, rather than sleeping a little longer.
I am going to give myself a little pat on the back for that...

[nahum1_7]

way to go! the elliptical and arc trainer are my favs, I feel great after I workout, now I just gotta get into the "I'm gonna go out in the freezing weather so I can go to the gym, workout, and feel great." feeling LOL!

[muppet]

I have to figure out some way to not let other people get to me. I also need to stop reading into what people are saying, and imagining what they are saying about me. I'm probably right in what I think they're saying, because I've heard too many things said about too many people.
But it doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says.
I know people who love to poke fun and tease and who are so judgmental of everyone.
So here's what I think they're saying..."lot of good all that exercise is doing for her.... why pay money to just go walking.....she just needs to get a job.... '
Blah blah blah..
I don't like talking about what I'm up to with anyone. My mind started running rampant with all these thoughts after a relative was visiting over Christmas and I took her to the Y with me -- at her request, since she could go for free with me. I was more than happy to do this, but I know how some people are and I know how they talk about others...
Since we moved I'm not working. My husband works nights, and no matter what job I would get, it wouldn't change the amount of hours he has to work. I will NOT leave my kids home alone most every night even though they are more than old enough to be home alone. That is not the kind of parent I am.
I do want to get a job. I have been and will continue to pray about it and I have faith that the right opportunity will come along.
Also, my husband makes good money -- that really isn't the issue. So I really do want it do be something that feels right. I believe I'll know it when I see it, or when God decides to show me.
In any case, this is my business and no one else's, so I wish they'd quit worrying about it.
I wish I could just let it go like water off a ducks back. I try -- I really do, but I can't seem to quite let go completely.
And I don't want to sound like I'm related to the worst people on earth. Far from it --- they just aren't perfect. Neither am I and I know I have been guilty of the very thing I'm upset about.
Here's what got me going -- it sounds so stupid-- but I have a feeling some of you will understand....
Some people came to our house for the first time -- we were showing them around. They looked at our very large ( almost an acre) yard and joked about mowing it with a push mower. Well, so far that's all we have. We might get a rider, but not in a big rush. It's a flat lawn -- easy to mow-- just time consuming. I've never minded mowing either, except when it's a million degrees out -- it's just walking!
Anyway -- someone made a comment about if I was push mowing the whole lawn I wouldn't have to go to the Y anymore. Innocent enough comment, (and true -- it would be a good workout!) But it set off something in my brain --- I just knew others had been talking about me and my habits before I got there. How else would they know I've been a regular visitor to the gym?
So that's when I start to wonder why they were talking about me and what things were said.
These people are farmers -- their work is physical enough they don't need anything else, or at least they don't think they do. They also don't have a weight problem. Good for them -- but I'm not them -- I don't live their lifestyle---
I'm just trying to do what's best for me. I don't understand why anyone else thinks it's their business. I don't understand why no one can say 'good job, or -- I'm impressed at how hard you're working -- or, maybe---I wish I had the time/ desire/ money/ to do something like that...
But it's always negative. And it makes it worse that I really don't lose weight. I still hope that I will, but I'm not strict enough with my diet.
And I know if I ever do, then I will be analyzed yet again -- 'diets are stupid -- I've always eaten whatever I wanted and I've never gained weight...she's not eating right...
See, we all have a close relative who's battled anorexia/bulimia, and I know they'll start to watch closely if I start to lose.
You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.
So why in the world to I let it bother me?
I want to put this down in black and white so maybe it will get through my head--- It's my problem -- not theirs.
I can control how I let things affect me.
I can't change anyone else, and ragging about things won't fix anything.
I can change my mindset.
I can stop putting words in people's mouths and letting my imagination run wild.
I can stop thinking the worst of them and realize that they talk this way about everyone and it's not personal. They really do love me.
They have problems that have nothing to do with me.
So I need to just keep doing what I think is best. I don't, nor will I ever, talk much about it except when asked.
This is about me. My life. My health.
I will NOT let anyone's opinions, comments, real or imagined, get to me and interfere with my battle.
I am in it to win it.
Here's to all of you, for being here, for listening, and for fighting right along with me!
Love you all!

[muppet]

40 minute elliptical
10 minutes upper body
10 minutes stretching

I found out today that my oldest son flunked out of college. He's a child who has been gifted with intelligence, charisma, and good looks, but apparently no common sense. He really should be a politician-- he's full of it and very good at getting people to believe what he says.
I was suspicious that things didn't go all that well for him, but I never expected this. Maybe 1 F, but not failing everything...
New plan is for him to live at home and go to a community college. It's a long enough commute for him but he is obviously not ready to be independent.
He says ( not sure if I believe him) that he started off not going to classes and by the time he realized he was in trouble, it was too late to make it up.
I don't know what to believe or to think. I'm upset and angry and feel very betrayed.
He knew this and wasted all vacation goofing off, when we could have been trying to figure out what to do next.
At first he kept telling me grades weren't in yet, then we got busy with Christmas, then he went to visit friends in another town for a week -- and he came back yesterday.
It's possible he could go back to his original school, but I don't think that would be a good idea, given his lack of responsibility.
It baffles me though -- he's had responsibility -- he's had jobs and done so well at them. His employers have enjoyed him---but he wouldn't do this for himself.
He says he was so excited at first to be 'on his own' and able to do what he wanted....
I can't imagine -- flunking out of college! He is 10 times smarter than I was, and I only had 1 class my whole college career that was a D. And very few C's.
There is something about this kid that worries me. He likes to be able to give people a sob story -- he's exaggerated how horrible things were at home when he was in college. I know all kids think this, but I caught him in several out and out lies about things we supposedly did to him. Umm -- like we take all his money... stuff like that. We don't, never have -- never will-- unless you count making him pay back this semester of college that he just pissed away. He has also gotten into a fair amount of trouble-- and he seems to like it -- not being in trouble, but being able to talk about the dumb things he's done. I don't know if it's the attention he likes --- everyone loves to listen to his stories. And now he has another one -- how he messed up college.
He has snowed everyone. Everyone thinks he's doing great and loves school.
I not saying too much to him. It's best not to for now I think.
I'm afraid if he gets this second chance, and I put my faith in him again that he will do the right thing, then how will I hold up if he disappoints me yet again?
I do not know how to react to this. I don't want to be the fool and buy what he's selling. I also don't want to discourage him and make him think he's worthless.
There's no doubt he could do or be anything he wanted to be. But he does not like to have to work hard for anything.
Do I dare actually believe that he got the message? Do I hope that he will take his classes seriously, and do well, and then transfer to a 4 year college and get his desired degree?
Don't know if I can take another disappointment.
But I also don't know if I can ever stop hoping....

[nahum1_7]

((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

I am sorry things have been so rough.