It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone,

Still feeling awful. I had the route I cant stand today, and from 8am until 10:40am I had no passengers; so I had plenty of time to think. I tried to get angry and it didnt work. I tried to reflect on everything but it still boiled down to the fact that I am still madly in love with him and I miss him like crazy and I cant get my butt back on track still. I did as Patty Ann suggested and wrote him again. Saying that I just wanted to be friends etc. I was shocked to get an email from him this morning. Well if two sentences counts as an email. He wrote, "You missed somebody so much but when you were with them you cried. That it would be so much better if you were with somebody and happy 99% of the time and that there is so much more out there for you (me) that you couldnt even ask for or imagine." Well I want to be (and can be) happy with him 99% of the time. Why now? Because all the junk that was clogging my emotions, brain and heart is all gone. I cant explain it; but something has happened to me in the past few weeks since seeing him and I know that I have officially transformed from the person that I was. I dont feel like the old Carrie anymore. Because I'm not. All the baggage has disappeared. Somewhere deep down I think he still wants to try or he would have ignored me, or flat out said he didnt want any contact with me. Time will heal both of us. I think he is just scared he will fall in love with me and he doesnt really want to. (Because of our past fighting). But I no longer wish to be a sparring partner with him. Those days are over. One thing is for sure; when he does see me again; he wont recognize me. My face is different and I wear my hair differently too. And I will be able to show him the smile he liked so much; and never saw enough of before. I asked him to trust in me this time. I wanted to be friends and anything else would be a gift from G-d. I just wish I could see him...

[Patty_Ann]

Wow! What an email...a response is better than nothing. If friendship is all there is going to be for now - then ride with it girl! You say that you miss talking with him - I can see that. I'm glad that you took my advice...are you?

[Trying4Thin]

Well yes and no....

I am happy that I got a response; but I am still not sure how we stand on even being friends. It's not like he said...well come on over next week. Or I'd like to see you too. To be honest; I hate those two liners. I feel like just driving over to his house and saying, "Talk to me damnit!" (And then whipping out a before shot which I know he doesnt want to see). I have a feeling this is going to take a while to fix. I am going to respect his wishes and not call him because that would not help in any way. I agree with him about not going back to the way things were, and not being able to start over again; but I want to start a new chapter. I seriously doubt that he could ever find anyone that would love him even half as much as I do. I think it could be great between us. I just wish I had not spent so much time showing him the "ugly and insecure me" for so long. Why didnt I get it then? I know I cant erase the past; but I can try for a better future. I know that we are destined to be more than friends or we never would have met in the first place, or held on so long. Lots of couples start off on the wrong foot and then get it right later on. I just want to get together and NOT talk about us, relationships, etc. I just want to laugh with him again and show him my fun side. I just hope and pray that it isnt too late. I cant get anymore sincere than that. I know that if we were to enjoy each other for a while his feelings would start to turn. And at least he could "think about" the possibility of something more with me. Unlike now when it doesnt even cross his mind. I dont think I can get back on track again (fully) without him in my life.

[Trying4Thin]

I dont have to go to work until Tuesday since my Saturday shift was picked up and Monday is a holiday and I wasnt called in. So, now I can spend the weekend doing everything I should have been doing; but was too lazy to do. I am going to enjoy tearing my apartment apart undisturbed. I am also going to use this time to get back on track with everything. Right now I am just really out of it. Havent been to the gym in over a week, my eating is all over the place, and I have just been an emotional wreak. So now I get to enjoy spending some good quality time with myself, getting things done, and finding my Diet Mo-jo again.

After all the cleaning; I am going to enjoy a good long soak. Here's hoping that things get better all around. Maybe if I distract myself, my best friend will come back to me on his own. Wishful thinking I know; but it cant hurt to have a dream.

"The task in front of us is never as great as the power behind us."
(Anonymous)

[Patty_Ann]

I hope that you are able to get things done that you need to get done. With all the working out that you do I don't think one week off is going to hurt you any...it just might be what your body needed to get off the plateau.

Best of luck!

[Trying4Thin]

Uh well one week off maybe not; but I havent actually been sticking to plan. I didnt eat anything off it (well some Lite juice and 1 Lean Cuisine pizza). But I did overeat and I admit it. Craving proteins, starches, and fruit servings this week. No more LA Biscotti for me. No more Ritz Low Fat Crackers either. If I cant trust myself with it outside of the grocery store..it is a NO NO!! Starting tomorrow I am going back to super strict mode. I operate better that way. To remind myself; I bought a new set of measuring cups, and measuring spoons. I will use them for everything; I dont care what it is...it will be measured or weighed correctly. Enough moping around. I feel like a heffer since I havent been exercising; and I have put on a few pounds. The gym staff have probably figured I quit again. I got this far by myself and I will get the rest of the way myself. Counseling at LA is not helping me. The issues I am having need to be worked out by me and only me. I am also going to work out my food issues on my own since they cant all agree. I will be accountable for my own actions.

[muppet]

Ahhh a bath! When I was single, I lived in an apartment with a huge, old clawfoot bathtub. I didn't have a shower, but I didn't care. I managed, and I just adored soaking in that big tub!!!
Now, we have a tub, but it's small, and cramped. I rarely take a bath anymore. I shower regularly of course.. but I miss my long hot baths.
Don't worry about the things you have no control over. Focus on the things that you do control, and make the most of it.
Have a great weekend.
Carol

[Trying4Thin]

I am soooo jealous right now I can barely see straight! Ever since I was a kid (and saw, "Sleeping With The Enemy"); I have always wanted a clawfoot bathtub! There is just something about them. Yes I am a shower girl too. But I wouldnt trade my baths for anything. Especially when I have bath bombs. Those are the ultimate treat!! My father buys me the huge ones when he goes on business trips to Minnesota. But I dont want to waste them. So I end up saving them and use them as decorations. I use the mini ones that I find at WalMart.

Just think how much more room you will have to splash around when you are at your goal weight!!!! Losing weight really does change everything. Clothes, jewelry sizes, shoe sizes (in some cases), how you fit into furniture, how people view and treat you, your level of physical health, attitude, how you carry yourself....I could go on and on. Maybe hubby will let you redo the bathroom as a reward for getting to goal. (Worth a shot!)

[muppet]

We have finished off our basement, but we haven't put in the bathroom yet. We don't have a lot of space to work with, but since we already have 2 showers in our house, I'm pushing for a nice big tub -- whirlpool, or not -- I don't really care.
Reaching my goal weight would definitely improve a bath in the tub we have now -- but it's only 5 foot. The last house we lived in had a 6 foot one, that was a bit wider too. That was almost as nice as that old claw foot! That's the problem with the basement though -- we only have room for a 5 ft -- which is why I'd really love a corner jacuzzi type thing. MMMM -- my muscles are tired and sore ( in a very good way ) from my upper body workout yesterday, and my bike ride today -- a soak in a tub would feel mahhhhvelous!! I might just use our little tub anyway. Better than nothing!

[Trying4Thin]

You get a jacuzzi or a tub with jets (my parents have one); and I am coming to visit with my floaties!