It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

Well he did say that he was glad I didnt have a boyfriend so we could still hang out...but that was before this latest speed bump. I just dont think it would be fair to go out with somebody when in my heart I knew I couldnt even give them a chance because somebody else (for sure) was the right one. Believe you me; I have been praying up a storm as of late. I kept hoping he was waiting for me to reach my transformation point...I dont mean just to get thin again. I mean when everything came together...new look, new leash on life, new attitude and confidence level. I think I have finally reached that point.

[Trying4Thin]

I really dont want to work out tonight. But I am going to suck it up and go anyway. My stomach is feeling rotten still. Then when I come home, I can treat myself to, "Rockstar Supernova." My father said my stomach cant be feeling acidic since I am passing so many fluids through it. Well that is what it feels like. I made the mistake of having two spicy black bean burgers this afternoon for protein, and they are really getting to me. Also, for the first time they seemed to taste excessively salty to me. Guess my palate is changing too along with the rest of me. Going to come up way short on food today. As of right now I still have to eat 3 veggies, 2 fruits, and 1 protein. Plus the rest of my 6 glasses of water. I guess I will try and force it down after my workout.

[Trying4Thin]

I found this on another forum I recently joined. You will need tissues for this one...

Story of Ugly ...

This is a story about a cat named 'Ugly'
with an inner BEAUTY that only those that care,
can see.
Please feel free to pass this story along to EVERYONE you know -- in hopes
that one day, they too ... will wish to be 'Ugly'.

Ugly ...


Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was.
Ugly was the resident tomcat.
Ugly loved three things in this world ... fighting, eating garbage, and
shall we say ... love.
The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had
their effect on Ugly.

To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been
was a gaping hole.He was also missing his ear on the same side,
His left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and
had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always
turning the corner.
His tail has long been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he
would constantly jerk and twitch.
Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the
sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing
scabs.

Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction.
"That's one UGLY cat!!"All the children were warned not to touch
him.
The adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he
tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would
not leave.Ugly always had the same reaction.
If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked
until you gave up and quit.
If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around his feet
in
forgiveness.
Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically
and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love.
If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your
shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies.
They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled.
From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his
aid.
By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad
life was almost at an end.
Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly
out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his
front.
As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing
and gasping,and could feel him struggling.
I must be hurting him terribly I thought.
Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear.
Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to
suckle my ear.
I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his
head,
then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the
distinct sound of purring.
Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only
for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.
At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I
had ever seen.
Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away
from me, or struggle in any way.
Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him
for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scared, deformed
little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true
pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books,
lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always
be thankful.
He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and
it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply.
To give my total to those I cared for.
Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful,
but for me ...
I will always try to be Ugly. ~Author Unknown ~

[Trying4Thin]

I love a good story!! Beware of a woman scorned....


She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a
few half-eaten shrimp dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything;cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steamed. Air Fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the
end even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. Even the maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the husband and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home....

.......including the curtain rods.

[Trying4Thin]

Dragged myself to the gym tonight even though I wanted to just ride the couch instead. Did 1 hour on the elliptical stepper and went 4.60 miles...then I did a half mile backwards on level 14. If I keep doing that everyday I will have a better booty than J-Lo; and not a backside of jello (like before). Duration total was 1 hour and 9 minutes, 466 calories, and 50% fat, 233 fat cals gone. Not as good as I could have done; but it is something. I have got to ace that weigh in tomorrow for my own sanity's sake. I am really impatient to get out of the 140's. Most likely because the 150's and 160's took forever plus a day. I am going to do everything physically possible to keep the plateau monster away. Right now I cant handle any more disappointment. Still no word from Eric since Friday's breif email and that was enough to deal with. I really hope he didnt find somebody else before he sees how I have physically changed (and will continue to until I hit goal). That will kill me. But as long as I have a cardio machine to beat up; I will continue on the straight and narrow and work towards my goal weight.

[Trying4Thin]

Well after losing my appetite for a while it came back last night after my workout. But I decided it was too late to eat so I just went home, checked in here, watched Rockstar Supernova and passed out. Gained a 1/2 pound today. It hurts; but it will be gone for sure by Friday. (Could also be muscle weight too). I will make it go away. More compliments today on how I look. People keep calling me skinny. There was a comment made this morning that I had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming over. I bought some magazines to read for my layovers. One of them was called, "Simple & Delicious." One of my friends came over and said I might want to flip the magazine over since all you could see in the driver window was me and then written in large letters...Delicious. She then said something about me getting a date because of it. Talk about wanting to haul off and punch somebody's lights out. I know what she was getting at; (and it wasnt supposed to be taken how I took it), but it really peeved me off. Just because you are fat doesnt mean that you are totally undateable. I have seen HUGE women and men dating and looking happy. I see guys checking me out now, I am not FAT (as I was), and I could be dating if I really really wanted to. Gone are the days of the repulsive me. I dont think people quite know how to act around the new me. Heck I dont even know how to act in my new skin. Something else weird happened today when I went in for my weigh in. The manager and two counselors were all sitting up front when I walked in. I was bombarded with compliments about my makeup when I walked in. The next thing I heard was..."she's going to interview," and "she told me she wanted to work here." I was still reeling from the fact that they could see my makeup from outside the building and I wasnt really getting the rest of the conversation. But I knew they were talking about me applying. Curious about why that came up because it sounded like there was more to the conversation that was said before I opened the door. If they didnt think I could hack it; I doubt they would have still been on topic when I got to the desk. Lots to think about now. Still no email from Eric. Still wishing and hoping that he has been too busy to read his email right now; and not that he is just ignoring me. When I hit the 120's he will be speechless. Front desk hottie will be closing tonight so I have more incentive to go and beat the stuffing out of myself tonight. Sitting down this morning I saw an incredible amount of muscle definition in my legs. Still some fat; but the definition is undeniable. I have to keep reminding myself that I, and I alone put it there. I am also seeing more cheekbones and less chin. Also very happy that my butt wasnt sore from level 14 last night. I must really be getting conditioned. I have asked off for time in November to fly home for Turkey day. They have an LA Center near my house so I dont have to miss an appointment while I am gone; or worry about dragging my LA Lites on the plane only to have them melt. If I lose 2 pounds a week from now until my trip I will make goal. I am going to try and fly out on November 21st. I really really want to be at goal this year so I can feel comfortable seeing my entire family and not just a select few. One day they will know and understand why I did what I did...

[Trying4Thin]

Well I went to the gym as promised and I set a new record for nasty...Did an hour on the treadmill and 41 mins on the elliptical stepper. Burned 748 calories and 40% fat. Fat percentage is down because I ran on 5.2 for 31 minutes. The trainer who did my intro to the gym ended up on the elliptical next to me. I caught him looking at me keeping up (minus the hills) and not even breathing hard. Having him there made me push myself harder. He was nice until he got his commission...I HATE people like that. I can do this without his help. He is one of many people who are going to have to "eat crow" when I get to goal. I feel like a snake that is shedding it's skin because it is too big for it's body. I have determined that my skin is way too big for me (imagine an XXL sweatshirt). In some places it just looks all wrong. I dont need a blanket covering my muscle that I worked so hard for. I know I am good and muscled under all the extra stuff. I just have to keep plugging away at it. Good things come to those who wait.




As if I didnt have enough to think about...I have email notification on my cell phone for when certain people email me. So around 5:20 this afternoon the alert went off. It was the email I was dreading from Eric. I logged in fully expecting him to "finish me off" and tell me that he never wanted anything more to do with me ever again. I read the contents and couldnt stop shaking and crying...He was begging me to forgive him for all the things he had said to me and for how he had treated me. And he "so wanted things to be right between us." He called me precious, talented, and beautiful. Two seconds later, my email noticfication went off again...he also wanted to tell me that he admired all the weight I had lost and that I really did look good. Call me nuts, but those arent the feelings and emotions of somebody who doesnt care or want me on some level. My first instinct was to call him or email back. But I didnt. I need a few days to think about this. (And it wouldnt hurt to make him sweat a little). But I want to make sure I am thinking clearly before I respond since things are still rough right now. I am wondering why now? What changed in his heart? I guess the ball is in my court now...If I ever doubted that G-d existed (which I dont, but if I did), I would be a believer now. I never expected this..never in a million years. Quite frankly I am really caught off guard here. I sent two emails a few days ago and I think they really show how I have grown up since we have seen each other. This past week has been so tough. I had to fight super hard so I wouldnt become completely unglued. This didnt break me. It strengthened my resolve. I lost something so special to me and I didnt turn to food. I didnt give up. I carried on through the darkness; and eventually found the sun again.

[Missy]

Awwww, that was a very heartwarming story to hear that he sent those emails to you. That is so sweet of him. I am glad to hear he is finally realizing all his mistakes. I hope that everything works out between the two of you

[Trying4Thin]

I am really groggy today because of some really rude people last night. I passed out around 12:15am and was woken up at 12:45 by loud music and yelling. Guess some people dont have to work for a living. Being up at that hour also woke up my appetite. I dont think I ate anything, but the night before I devoured my daily LA Lites around 2am. Not smart..But they knocked me out again. Short shift today; but it was made longer because the hospital where I picked up an elderly client (not originally on my manifest) released her dehydrated. And they took their wheelchair back after she got on the van. MORONS!! I broke several rules by entering the client's apartment to get her wheelchair because she couldnt make it to her room without sitting down. I helped her take care of some things once I got her home and made sure somebody was coming to take care of her after I left. I had to write an incident report to cover my actions and hopefully my employer will call the hospital to ask what were they thinking. She had been at the hospital since 2am after falling. Such a sweet lady. Dispatch confirmed the friend made it there and she was ok. I am glad it was me who got her and not somebody who was in a hurry or didnt want to stay with her. Those are the days that I am grateful for what I am doing...for the clients. The group I had today required extra TLC. That is what I am there for.

My head is still all over the place concerning this latest development with Eric. I have no idea what he means by, "I so want things to be right between us." I dont know if he means that he wants our friendship to be good or if he means he wants things to be right so we can have a real relationship together. He always said that things had to be right for us to be together. I dont know how I am supposed to handle this. But I have to have my head on straight before I answer him. I am going to safeguard my feelings this time. But if he was putting the "shrew" first, why would he be asking for my forgiveness? Why would he care what I thought since she was #1 with him and he didnt want anything from me? I am going to drive myself nuts overthinking this (as usual). I cant ask him that either but he doesnt like that line of questioning and I want to avoid another confrontation at all costs. I guess in time; somebody or something will show me the way.

Think I am going to skip the gym tonight. Getting off shift early tomorrow so I have time to work out before my weigh in. My scale today said 145 pounds so that is a total loss of 69 pounds overall. Made myself eat all my food today and I hope that doesnt come back to haunt me.

[muppet]

I'm so happy you heard from Eric. Whatever he mean, whatever he wants, you can handle it. I'm so glad he said all those things that we've been saying all along!