It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

I am breaking out the big grin because I can eat real food again....AND....I lost 3 more pounds!! So now I am down to 145.8. Total loss is now 68.2 pounds. They are in shock over at LA Weight Loss. I think that job is as good as mine when I get to goal. All the "starving" over the weekend and the ridiculous amounts of fluids I drank was worth it. My father kinda burst my bubble when he said I lost fluid; not fat. And that I could regain it with a couple drinks of fluid. Well whatever; it's a victory for me...I honestly didnt expect the scale to go that low; especially when I am still pms'ing and I had clothes on. Weds should be interesting. Store manager was also considering bumping me down to the "Blue plan" but decided to keep me on the red one. So now I have to exercise like a nut. I need a nap....Had a route this morning that I hate and now all this excitement plus lunch is hitting me hard. I need a nap!






~Carrie

[Missy]

CONGRATULATIONS CARRIE!!!

That must feel so awesome! You are almost at your goal, you should be extremely proud of yourself.

[Patty_Ann]

CONGRATS GIRLIE! THAT IS AWESOME - YOU CALLED ME A SKINNY ASS - LOOK AT YOU! WAY TO GO! SO PROUD OF YA! Where did you get the scale on your signature...that is cool?

[Trying4Thin]

Ok SPM this is how it is gonna be...

A few months ago my father began calling me Boney Ass...And you are Skinny Ass. Partners in crime against obesity!!

The counter is from TickerFactory.com. Cute site! It really does put how far you have come into perspective. Sometimes you just gotta SEE it to believe it.

[Trying4Thin]

I feel like such a heffer right now. I only have a few hours to cram down my water since I stupidly saved it for later (yep, once a procrastinator, always a procrastinator)...So I just forced down 3 glasses after dinner. I still have 5 to go, plus the 2 mini cans of V8 (5.5 oz each), and two fruits. I hate the site of liquids now. But if it will make Rosanna (LA Manager) happy and off my back, improve my skin color and complexion, flush fat cells and all the other crap out, and improve my overall health...then I can "suffer" a little. It's not like my stomach hasnt been stretched to the gills before. I havent been this stuffed since I used to Whopper with Cheese binge. Blech..On the plus side; running for the bathroom counts as cardio for me. My bladder waits for nothing and no one...I know, I know...TMI.

Going to the gym tonight so I can watch, "Hell's Kitchen" later in peace sans pizza commercials. Although after all this water, the site of food makes me want to toss my cookies. Cute front desk guy might be there tonight. He is mearly a distraction for my eyeballs and my mind; my heart is already taken somewhere else.

I am already focused on beating the scale on Weds. I am going to be ridiculously anal about what I eat this week and my level of exercise. I cannot regain (or as Carol said before) "find" what I just lost. I want to "lose" weight so I can "regain" my life back. 12+ years ago I allowed my life to be stolen out from under my nose and now I want it back. "I pity the fool who gets in my way." I may not be Mr. T, but I am still a T. I am no longer "Trying4Thin." I am "TakingMyLifeBack4Success."

[muppet]

I've seen those tickers before, and tried to get one going for myself, but I'm too technologically challenged to figure out how to add it so my signature. They are really neato!
Congrats Carrie. Your weight might bounce around this area for a bit-- you know how it does that-- but remember how bad you wanted out of the 150's-- and now you are. For good! And soon, you'll get to say 'adios' to the 140's too.

[Trying4Thin]

Went to the gym and whaled on myself tonight. Started out with an hour and 6 mins on the treadmill. I ran, walked, did some small hills, and ended with a sprint. Then went to the elliptical stepper and did 46 mins. Then did 20 extra minutes backwards. Total time was 2 hours and 10 mins. 972 calories burned, 40% fat, and 388 fat calories burned. Came up two fruit servings short, but I drank 9 glasses of water and a medium diet coke from Burger King with my salad. I also had two mini cans of low sodium v8. That is over 100 oz of fluid...Kidneys dont fail me now...

Havent heard from Eric since Friday. He thanked me for the DVD but said not to call him and he didnt want anything from me. If I had something to say I could email it. I can understand why he is pissed and frustrated with me; but I have faith he will come back to me (as a friend) like he has before. I dont know if he hasnt yet checked his email or if he is ignoring me. I cant call him to find out, so I just have to wait. I guess that is a good thing since I need to focus on ME right now. I said some things that I needed to say and now the ball is in his court.

Front desk hottie was there tonight; and it helped to shift my mind from thoughts of Eric. I did catch him (and some other guys) looking once or twice. It makes me nervous. I hate when anyone looks at me working out because I still feel like I am 214 pounds in my head. I hate feeling self conscious. My parents used to tell me that I thought everyone was looking at me. Well if your eyes lock; then they are looking!! I am not paranoid. Maybe they are looking because they know that I am not in there to just look like I care about being healthy. I am there kicking ass and I do it harder than a lot of their other members. In terms of weight loss, tonight's workout was only semi productive because I burned a crazy amount of calories; but not fat. But it was far better than staying home and doing nothing at all. Wednesday's weigh in should be interesting.

I am going to pass out now..

[Trying4Thin]

It's really weird how things work out. I was looking at myself in the mirror and thinking how great I look now; and how different I look from a few years back when all that mattered to me was food. Back then I looked like a squirrel with two whoppers for cheeks; and now I have cheakbone definition...I have an actual body and skeleton under all the fat. Another day; more compliments. They all seem to run together these days. It has become part of my everyday. People look at me to check me out now, and not to make fun of me. How ironic that I now look like I could actually be somebody's girlfriend and not just a formerly fat bump on a log. I have been giving it a lot of thought about what I would say if somebody were to ask me out. I would be flattered; but I am really not interested in ever dating again. I just cant do it. I keep hoping that the universe will spin in my direction for once and grant me my greatest dreams of being with Eric. I have worked so hard to find myself again. It hasnt been an easy road; I have had set backs, good days, all over the place days and everything in between. I guess I am just looking for my happy ending. I hope that I get the chance to see Eric again. I want him to actually see how good I feel about myself now, and how good (and different) I actually look. He has never seen my license picture, but he did see me at my top weight. I dont think he realizes how far I have really come on my own. It hurts because I know that the person that I am now would click with him in so many ways that the older version of me only dreamed of. I think I could take his breath away now. I never thought I could look (or feel) like this. And I am sure that shows on the outside too. I hope G-d is listening because all I want is my best friend back. There was no hope when things were the way they were; but look at me now?! After losing almost 70 pounds there is no way on this earth that I am the same person I was. I want to forget that there was ever a fat Carrie imposter running around Ohio ruining the great life I was supposed to have. I am just glad she is gone. I hope she eventually finds peace. The new me is going to have to pick up the pieces of her destruction for many years to come. I hate seeing an empty email box and wondering what Eric is doing these days. I wish I could just go over and surprise him; but that would be asking for it. I just wish he could see my recent transformation. Yes it has only been maybe a week and a half; but I still feel like I am somehow different on the inside and the outside. The major thing being that when we last saw each other I still didnt like myself at all. Now I do...very much so. I know that the woman I have become is the woman he is supposed to love; and not the brat version of me he met 3 years ago. It's ok; it was out of defense, shyness and self loathing. I was mixed up and trying not to get hurt and that ruined everything. I should have just been myself and that would have been good enough. Now if we do meet again; it will just be me standing there at his front door...no excess weight, excess emotional baggage, and a genuine smile that he did like and never saw quite enough of. I pray to G-d I get that chance to make things right. I know he could fall for me in two seconds flat.

'Scuse the rambling but I am deathly afraid of getting on the scale tomorrow. I am going to have to really get UGLY at the gym tonight. I am also having trouble eating all my food. (What a huge surprise there!) My parents said not to flip out if I gain tomorrow. It will iron itself out soon. Well I didnt pay to speed up my loss only to turn a corner and find my recent "baggage" there waiting for me. Why cant it just act like airplane luggage and GET LOST via a different state? I dont like looking like a fat girl still especially when I work out so hard and dont chow like I used to. My stomach feels like it is tied in knots and it stings a little. I am sure it is stress related and also because of the high amount of chlorine in the gym tap water I drank last night. Better than forking over $2.00 a bottle. My mother about flipped when I told her. Had to buy Maalox this morning and now it looks like I need a second dose.

[muppet]

Cliche moment -- Time heals all wounds.
Just know that whatever happens in the future, you'd going to be OK. Whether you and Eric end up being friends, or not. Whether you end up dating, or married -- whatever happens -- you'll be ok.
That doesn't mean the things aren't going to hurt. But, if you have faith in God, faith in yourself, and faith in time -- you will be ok.
So give yourself that time. And give him that time. Keep on getting to know yourself, and the person you are now. Pray, if you're the praying kind, or meditate, or do whatever you need to do to relax, and find that inner peace. And everything will work out, just as it's supposed to, and you'll be better than ever! And, that's kind of hard to imagine, because you're pretty great right now!
All the best,
Carol

[Missy]

I think that you should give other guys who are interested in you a chance. You may change your mind and your view about dating someone else if you find a great guy. I know your heart is with Eric right now, but don't put your life on hold for him anymore. Go out and enjoy your life. Maybe if he sees you dating other men, it will make him jealous