It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

I might as well camp out on the toilet tonight...Must drink 64 oz of water; plus the cleanser (16 oz), mixed with another 16 oz of water. The only exercise I have gotten today is racing for the bathroom. If you guys ever do a juice cleanse; make sure you have nowhere to go...or you are within sprinting distance of a toilet. I am not kidding. But unlike last time; I am not starving this time around. Also was allowed to eat 2 cups of cucumbers, 6 oz of tuna fish, and 2 LA Lite Bars. Hopefully all this water will also help to improve my complexion. Going to drag myself kicking and screaming to the gym tomorrow. Dont know how productive I will be if I have to keep stopping for potty breaks. I PRAY this works this time. I want to make short work of the 140's.

[muppet]

I hope you have better luck with the juice cleanse this time around. I have to say, I'm surprised you tried it again. But it sounds like it's doing it's job. Good luck!!!

[Trying4Thin]

Honestly I am surprised too that I tried it. But if I am going to be selling this product one day I have to be credible. I will not sell something that doesnt work. It is already too expensive a program for that. Not to mention bad sales ethics. I am also going to be eating different proteins after the cleanse and that should help. The veggie nuggets tasted good; but were awful for losing weight. And I am going to be extra strict on portion control so I dont set myself up to fail. I dont think I drank this much the last time. In fact; I know I didnt. Why did I do it again? It's put up or shut up time in a lot of areas in my life. I cant expect the best to happen if I am not looking my best and feeling my best. The world isnt stupid; it knows when I am "on" and when I'm not. It's about time I turned a few heads past their normal comfort zones. Would kill to see 144 by week's end. I would like nothing more than to email a certain somebody to say that I am down 70 pounds. (According to MY scale that is 2.7 pounds to go). Their scale is usually 1-2 pounds different than that. There is not too much standing in the way of that now. Especially since I dont think I have a drop of liquid left in my entire body...I am not looking forward to another 12 glasses today. But I gotta do what I gotta do.

[Missy]

Hey Carrie, I am glad that you decided to come back. I was worried about you for awhile there, but it sounds like you are back on the right track, and that is taking care of yourself. Anyways, it sounds like you are still dedicated more than ever and I just wanted to wish you luck on the whole cleanse diet again!

[Trying4Thin]

Thanks,

There are a few reasons why I am here. I really wasnt planning on coming back. I am still feeling awful but I have had a lot of time to think this week. I have now accepted that just being friends is fine. I would like to start over again with him and just getting to know each other like we were supposed to. I think I can be a better friend this time around because I will be more sure of myself; and not so insecure and pushing for something at the wrong time. If something more happens; great. If not; then he will have missed out on a great girl and I cant do anything about it. I just want the chance to meet the way we were supposed to minus the extra junk that messed it all up. And now, three years later; I am finally up to the challenge. I just wish I hadnt hurt him and myself to get to this point of realization. Being beyond fat has finally left it's scar by taking away one of the only things I have ever truly loved and cared about in my life. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY!! I am taking my life back.

Is it Monday yet? I cant stop running for the bathroom!! Yet parts of me like waving goodbye to all the swirling fat cells as they circle the drain. Keep 'em coming.

[Trying4Thin]

Well I finally got off my ass and worked out today. It was weird wearing a sleeveless shirt in public. I HATE my arms since I havent lifted in eons. But it was a medium and I wasnt busting out of it. I am curious about what I am going to be like sizewise when my pms is over and so is the cleanse. I did 6 miles at the bike trail. Time wasnt so great, but what do I expect when I sit around for almost 2 weeks doing nothing? Physical endurance waits for no one. You want it? You gotta work for it and maintain it; because it is like a bird in a cage just waiting to fly away. It will go away much easier than it came to you. Unlike weight loss. I am refusing to breathe easy until I get to the low 130's. Right now I am not sure that I have totally seen the last of the 150's yet. Just nerves. But I have a lot riding on this. I have a lot to prove; both to myself and to those who simply looked at me with pity in their eyes; and shook their heads thinking I would never see my G-d given body again. I am the Contender and I will come out on top. Anyone who doesnt believe in me can eat my dust and kiss my booty.

6 miles covered
1 hr 31 mins
538 cals burned
50% fat = 269 fat cals burned

[muppet]

I'm not sure if I completely understand what you're saying, about the way other people look at you, but it struck a chord with me. I'm so weird about letting people know what I'm doing. I don't like to tell people that I'm trying to lose weight, or trying to shape up, or anything like that. I think it's because of that look -- that look that says -- yeah right -- or ohhhh kayyy-- or here we go again... Even if people would say the right things, you can usually tell when they're being sincere or not. That, and then they start watching you, to see if they can tell or not. It's not that I want or need to keep it a secret, but I do NOT like talking about it. I think that's why I like to come here. This is just such a non-judgemental place. And I think everyone has done the repeat diet thing, and not been serious about it. I don't like that pressure, and the thought of people analyzing me drives me nuts.
I remember at a family gathering, I have a sister in law who was trying to watch her weight . She had put on quite a bit, and said she was really trying to lose some of it. Well, at Christmas she ate what we were all eating -- I don't know, because I wasn't really paying attention, but later on, a different sister in law commented 'Well, she's not going to lose any weight, eating what she ate today!".
GRRRR -- I don't know why stuff like that bugs me so much. It's really no one's business. This journey we are all on is so deeply personal, for each and every one of us, that anything other that positive comments and encouragement from others is necessary. Except of course, from trainers, counselors, and medical professionals. Everyone else can just go take a flying leap!
I say this, and yet I keep my goals, and my schedule to myself. I actually think I'd do worse, if I involved anyone else.
Blah -- didn't mean to run off at the mouth so bad! (oops, poor choice of words for someone who's on a juice cleanse )
I don't think like I would feel like I had the energy to walk across the room, let alone 6 miles, while on a juice fast. I'm pretty sure I would feel like a limp noodle.
You're almost there Carrie -- is it back to real food tomorrow?

[Trying4Thin]

I think I get what you are aiming for. At first I kept my mouth shut too about losing because it was my business and not my co-workers. I was able to fly under the radar until I had lost around 30 pounds. Then it came from everywhere. I guess in a way it was better than the scale; because even when the scale didnt reward me, they did with their remarks. I knew I had to get back on track when the comments all of a sudden stopped because I had put on a few. But like you said before; it also puts you up for public scrutiny. I remember a few months back when a dispatcher asked me to stop at BK for her. I didnt want to step foot in there; let alone be seen with a fast food bag in my hands. I could hear the comments in my head..."I knew she couldnt do it," "what a shame; she came so far." Yeah it was my imagination but I still didnt want to be caught dead with "loot." People look, judge first, and ask questions later. Although I doubt anyone would have had the cahjones to come up to me asking why I was carrying a full size whopper with cheese on it when I was supposedly dieting. I am always amazed at these people who compliment me one day on how great I look and then the next try to offer me a doughnut. Um..hello? It does get easier to say no over time if you consider what you are getting in return instead of a deep fried powder face, excess fat, and calories that only provide temporary enjoyment in the chewing and tasting phase. No thanks, but I will just stick with the new me. I guess when I made that comment in my previous post, I was shooting at the people who secretly were expecting me to fail. Anyone can diet for a day, a week, a month. But it takes a lot more to see it through and I dont think people thought I had it in me. My parents backed me, Eric backed me, friends backed me, co-workers backed me (to my face)...but these same people had seen me fail over and over again. So it became just another attempt for Carrie. No it hasnt been a straight path of success, there were times of failure, temporary binges of Ho-ho's and fast food, and stretches of no activity. Somebody once said that, 'it doesnt matter how many times you fall; what matters is how many times you pick yourself up.' It takes "special people" to lose weight and keep it off, otherwise everyone would be thin, and the weight loss industry, fast food industry, and restaurant industries would fall. I have given enough of my cash, life, and dreams to "food." The buck stops here...That is not to say that I wont ever have a piece of pizza again; but I will know when to say when. The whole point of this was not to kill myself getting to 120 and then being able to eat whatever I wanted to. But I will have a choice, and I know that when confronted with it; I will be able to make the right one and not feel badly afterwards. Eating is not a hobby nor a pastime for me anymore; and shouldnt be for anyone unless they are a food critic or chef.
So I am going to eat my healthy food and be happy about it. Why? Because it is what I should have been doing all along. And eating healthy really isnt so stinky afterall. I have actually grown to like tuna fish plain..Now that is a miracle in itself! Real food tomorrow after the weigh in. I dont want to see any beverage for a week!

As for what was said to your sister in law...you are lucky I didnt overhear that smart remark. I think your sister in law is old enough to exact control over her own body. Losing weight is tough for anyone, but when family members have to be rude; it makes it even harder. Why cant people just shut their yaps? Maybe she ate that way as to not offend the host by bringing her own food or asking to have something different. It was a holiday and most people "cheat" then. Until this other family member realizes what it is like to be put in that situation; she needs to MYOB. But to anyone else who watches another lose weight; that other person becomes a mini celebrity and the others become the paparazzi. Like it or not; you can only go unnoticed for so long. As your body changes; people are going to talk. There are days I welcome the comments and others I just want to cover my ears from their words and stares. You have to be ready to be questioned on your methods and how much you have lost and the inevitable two cents that everyone has to offer. But most of all, you have to be ready to accept the new face looking back at you in the mirror. It can be a scary thing to not recognize yourself and your body. Some just cant handle it and desperately try to regain a sense of security by turning to food for comfort. Losing your fat suit of armor will leave you exposed in many ways. It will take some getting used to; but once you get there, it will be that much sweeter of a victory. I'd like to see Krispy Kreme do that!

[Trying4Thin]

Got all my water in (finally). Just realized how many calories I have been living on both Saturday and today (928). Hunger is starting to set in. Wish I had tomorrow off so I could go straight to weigh in instead of waiting til almost 1pm. I hate the route I have tomorrow so it is going to make it seem even longer. All I can say is that I better have lost more than 3 pounds. I should be losing the pms bloat along with the excess water, fat cells etc. I really dont want to have to go through this again anytime soon. Hopefully what I lose will stay off and not come back to haunt me like before. I am going to be very careful this time.

[muppet]

I'd just like to say that I'm really glad you came back!