It's Time For A New Life

[muppet]

Hey, I'm glad to know you got some words of wisdom out of some of those magazines!
You seem so committed to your goals. You're going to make it. Pretty soon, you'll be like Mary Tyler Moore, throwing her hat up in the air! "You're gonna make it after all" ... ( hmm -- too young to even know what I'm talking about? They show it on reruns enough -- so I'll hope you do!)

[Trying4Thin]

Hi Muppet,

Sorry to hear about that stuffed up head. You must be miserable. How on earth do you find the strength to clean when you are sick?? I hate cleaning when I am at 100%. Although I do like blasting the radio while I am vaccuming. Are you staying hydrated with Juice and H20? I hear that is good for a cold. 4 Pop Tarts arent going to kill you. Just out of curiosity, what flavor? I used to love the S'Mores, Blueberry and French Toast Flavors. Like I have said before, one slip isnt going to undo all of the good decisions you have made in the past few weeks, months, etc. I used to think if I messed up once, the whole day was shot and then I would eat whatever the heck I wanted, with the idea of starting over the next day. I am sure that you will be feeling better soon and ready to work off the rest of your cold. Keep up the great work!

[Trying4Thin]

Ok I figured that I would vent here instead of finding a fast food joint. I am sick to death of being single. I have lost over 55 lbs and I am still invisible to men. What the heck is wrong with me? I am beginning to think I am guy repelent. A couple of weeks ago, I met this guy online. He seemed really nice etc. But I wasnt ready to meet or talk on the phone because I still have feelings for somebody else. The nutshell version of the story is that today he IM'd me and told me that he found somebody special. Story of my life, everyone I meet always finds somebody else. No I wasnt expecting this guy to put his life on hold for me. But this really threw me off the deep end. I am sick to death of wondering when it is going to be my turn. I still cant get over the first guy in my life, and I am really hurting. I want to spend my life with him more than anything, but right now that isnt happening. I know I hurt him a while back, and I am very very sorry. He emailed me a few weeks ago saying that all he wanted to be, and could be is my friend. But I cant help but think that deep down he does want to be with me. I know I am completely pathetic, but I love him so much. And I know that he is my soulmate and I am sick of waiting. I have lost weight and inches since we have last seen each other. I just wish I had the gutts to drive over to his house and see him, but that would just make things worse. So I have no choice but to back off until I get to a decent weight, and I can show him how I have turned my life around and I am no longer scared to try and hold his hand first. Aside from him, I dont think there is a guy out there who can make me feel the way that he did. I cant blame him though, when I was 214 I was so distorted and ugly; how could anyone have wanted me? But we were trying it out. I was so scared I would get hurt I got defensive and ruined everything the night I walked out. I have changed so much (especially physically, but emotionally too.) Maybe after more time has passed he will want me to come back again. Thanks for putting up with my griping. As I have come to realize, griping is calorie free. Not that sitting around feeling sorry for myself is healthy either.

Yes I do remember Mary Tyler Moore. I used to watch her on the Nick at Night reruns. I am a fan of the older shows, like Taxi, M*A*S*H, Welcome Back Kotter, Dick Van Dyke, and I forgot the name of the last one. I dont wear hats, but I am sure I can find something else to throw into the air. Thanks again for the vote of confidence.

~Carrie

[ehyatt]

Carrie, if he still wants to be your friend, then that is something. Not what you hoped for, but still something. Like you said, keep on losing those inches and he will have to do a double take when he sees you again. Then we will see just who rethinks what.

[Trying4Thin]

Day 13

Oh last night was a rough night. I just got completely (emotionally) off course. My diet, however didnt suffer, and for that I am grateful. I havent been that depressed in quite a while. It just happens every now and then. But reguardless of the outcome between he and I, I will be a stronger person. I still believe that I will always want him, even though he thinks that when I get to 120 I will change my mind. I am following my heart for the first time ever, and I know it wont steer me wrong. Thank you everyone for all your kind words of encouragement. Went to the grocery store again yesterday and loaded up on lettuce, smoothies, popcorn, and Lentil soup. I did have some pre cut chicken today. (Processed I know), but low in calories. Unfortunately high in sodium. But the protein levels are through the roof, so I made a good/bad choice. Still better than a whopper with cheese. Eating healthy isnt as lousy as I used to imagine. Yes it requires a certain amount of will power, but the word (diet) doesnt mean rabbit food for life. I think my digestive system is in a state of shock right now. Plus when you eat healthy, you can eat more of it, like lettuce and broccoli. I have learned to stay away from things I cant trust myself with, like Bars, 100 calorie packs, tv dinners, desserts, almost all cheese, and ketchup. The closer I get to my goal, I will begin to reintroduce them again. And yes, fresh fruit does taste better than cake. Got on the scale today and almost fainted. I am now down to 156.6 (-57.4 lbs). I think once I hit the 140's I will feel like I am really doing this, and going to finish. I am not going to quit, I know that for sure. Not when I am so close to my dreams. The second that scale says 120, everything is going to change....
Keep up all the great work guys!

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Day 14

Well you want honest, here is honest. I am so depressed I can barely think straight. I just want to lay in bed and cry until I cant feel anything anymore. I got on the scale again today and I gained back what I lost. I am now 158 again, after being 156.6 yesterday. I really dont even care about that because it is just water gain, unless I was so zonked that I sleepwalked to my car and drove to Taco Bell in the middle of the night. I am going with water gain since I didnt wake up with heartburn, and there are no wrappers in sight. I dont even feel like eating anymore. I called "my guy" this afternoon to tell him about my progress and to see if maybe he would want to go to a movie with me next week. I am guessing that I will be waiting on a call that will never come. I am so sick of hurting like this. I wish I could erase my memories like they did in, "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind." I dont understand how God could let me go on hurting like this. This guy says that my feelings will change when I hit 120, and I wont want him anymore. Well newsflash, I have lost almost 60 pounds and everyday my feelings just get stronger. How is it possible to go from cuddling on the couch together with somebody to just pen pals? My heart is breaking and there isnt a thing I can do about it. I know this guy and I are ment to be together, otherwise we would have cut contact completely a long time ago. How am I supposed to hold it together when I am dying inside? I love this guy so much, I would do anything just to see him. I have changed so much since we first met almost 3 years ago. I just want the chance to prove that I am not the scared, selfish, naive girl that he first met. I am not scared to love him the right way anymore. All I knew how to do before was how to do and say the wrong things. Well I know how to handle myself now, and all I want is another chance to make him happy. I hope and pray everyday that it happens. I keep reading about how people talk to God and their dreams come true. I guess God is just a little overwhelmed right now to hear about mine. Maybe some day...

~Carrie

[susieokla]

Carrie-I'm so sorry, I hope you feel better soon.

I'm one of the ones that believes God has a plan for all of us. Sometimes we're so stubborn though we won't get out of the way so that plan can follow through. We're selfish and we think we know what's best for us but sometimes we don't. I've waited 36 years to find the man of my dreams, to find my one true soul mate that will marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. I thought I found him and then look what has happened. But, I haven't given up on it yet. I don't know if that's just me being stubborn or if God has a purpose for it all. I guess time will tell.

Life is hard and when you feel all alone it's even harder. But, you are not alone!!! You're doing so well with your weight loss Carrie. Look at how far you've come. Just keep going, get to your goal. Not just so the guy will notice and fall back in love with you but so that you'll love yourself.

I'm here if you need to talk.

[muppet]

"I keep reading about how people talk to God and their dreams come true. I guess God is just a little overwhelmed right now to hear about mine. Maybe some day"

It's not so much we talk to God and our dreams come true. Our dreams may not be part of God's plan, and He truly does know what's best for us.
I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I know it can be a heartbreaking experience. If you want to pray, pray for peace -- pray for acceptance--- pray for contentment in your life, whatever it may be. I'll be praying for you.
Carol

[weaverdelooh]

Carrie,

Don't go beating yourself up too badly over your ex. Just yesterday I ran into an aquaintance who had been married and had a son with her husband. They eventually divorced, leaving her as a single mother w/o child support. I've known her 4 years now, and she's really struggled through the years with having split from her husband and all. Well guess what? When I ran into her yesterday she told me the neatest story. She was at the gas station one day pumping gas when a guy pulled up to the tank beside her. To make a long story short, he's now her fiance!!!! All from being in the right place at the right time. I guess what I'm trying to say is if this guy isn't the guy you're meant to spend your life with, then there is someone out there waiting somewhere. It's just a matter of waiting to find him.

Another friend of mine could never figure out why when we were in college she couldn't manage to find someone special. Low and behold the reason why is because her future husband was in the 4th grade, and she had to wait for him to grow up! lol Had she dated him when she was in college, I would have said she was down right SICK!!!! However, with both of their being adults, they fell in love and they've been married almost 6 years now.

Originally Posted by Trying4Thin

Ok I figured that I would vent here instead of finding a fast food joint. I am sick to death of being single. I have lost over 55 lbs and I am still invisible to men. What the heck is wrong with me? I am beginning to think I am guy repelent. A couple of weeks ago, I met this guy online. He seemed really nice etc. But I wasnt ready to meet or talk on the phone because I still have feelings for somebody else. The nutshell version of the story is that today he IM'd me and told me that he found somebody special. Story of my life, everyone I meet always finds somebody else. No I wasnt expecting this guy to put his life on hold for me. But this really threw me off the deep end. I am sick to death of wondering when it is going to be my turn. I still cant get over the first guy in my life, and I am really hurting. I want to spend my life with him more than anything, but right now that isnt happening. I know I hurt him a while back, and I am very very sorry. He emailed me a few weeks ago saying that all he wanted to be, and could be is my friend. But I cant help but think that deep down he does want to be with me. I know I am completely pathetic, but I love him so much. And I know that he is my soulmate and I am sick of waiting. I have lost weight and inches since we have last seen each other. I just wish I had the gutts to drive over to his house and see him, but that would just make things worse. So I have no choice but to back off until I get to a decent weight, and I can show him how I have turned my life around and I am no longer scared to try and hold his hand first. Aside from him, I dont think there is a guy out there who can make me feel the way that he did. I cant blame him though, when I was 214 I was so distorted and ugly; how could anyone have wanted me? But we were trying it out. I was so scared I would get hurt I got defensive and ruined everything the night I walked out. I have changed so much (especially physically, but emotionally too.) Maybe after more time has passed he will want me to come back again. Thanks for putting up with my griping. As I have come to realize, griping is calorie free. Not that sitting around feeling sorry for myself is healthy either.

Yes I do remember Mary Tyler Moore. I used to watch her on the Nick at Night reruns. I am a fan of the older shows, like Taxi, M*A*S*H, Welcome Back Kotter, Dick Van Dyke, and I forgot the name of the last one. I dont wear hats, but I am sure I can find something else to throw into the air. Thanks again for the vote of confidence.

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Right now I am trying to decide if I want to continue with this journal. Instead of being uplifting and encouraging, it is only making me more miserable. It isnt fair for you guys to have to keep reading about my personal problems and unfulfilled dreams. The only thing it is doing is keeping me honest. I dont even have the desire to cheat (foodwise) anymore because it doesnt hold the importance it once did. All I want is to be with the man of my dreams and get to my goal weight. I really dont think I am asking for too much. Before I met this guy, God was fully aware of my track record with men so I keep wondering why I would have to go through this yet again because each time it gets more and more painful and I just cant take it anymore. I thought this time would be different, and it was until I managed to screw it up. If I hadnt been fat and all the negative things that come with being fat, then we probably would have been engaged by now, or at least in a comitted relationship. I feel like the only relationships I have ever had in my life were with food. Well I broke that one off and what do I have left? The one with myself. Perhaps I should just establish a comitted relationship with the treadmill and my bike and call it a day. I am beginning to think that I am one of the few people on earth who will never be married and have children. And I really dont think that will change when I get to my goal weight because the only guy I will ever want is the one I cant have.

~Carrie