It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

Just woke up this morning and I feel sick to my stomach. I dont know what it is really. Could be any one of many factors; yesterday's exercisefest, being under a good deal of stress, having to go back to work today, not having eaten everything on my plan in the past few days (by a longshot), the three hour phone call with "my guy" last night, today's weigh in...? Just ate my 2 LA Light Bars and I wish I hadnt. Got up early so I could bike for a half hour before work; but I just feel yucky.

Against all odds; I am going to be running with "my guy" today. Or at least trying to be. I dont know if my legs will let me. They feel ok now; but the pavement will tell a different story. About the phone call last night. Parts were really bad, parts were ok; but I think we ended up on the same page. I am going to make every effort to just play it cool around him; and let him come to me. I know that he doesnt want to be with me right now; but he will later on. For the first time ever; I think he understands why I am the way that I am. It is going to take time to fix all this mess, but I think in the end it will be fixed. And I do know that he things it is a good thing that I have feelings for him and have been so positive about the possibility of an "us" for so long. I just need to quit talking about it and to just let him get to know the "me" that everyone else knows.. the one who isnt so uptight, self conscious, and teary-eyed. We need to have more good times together before he will ever think of me as anything more than a friend. He did say that I have done well with the weight loss and exercise and that I do have a huge heart. He still wants me to meet his parents. Well I never did before because I was shy, and I didnt want them to meet a blimp. At one point he did make the point that he would be embarrassed because of my former size. Yeah that hurt at the time; but I was huge, and being short didnt help. He thinks that I must not really like him if I dont want to meet his parents. It's because I DID/DO like him that I want them to see the best version of me there is. If I didnt care about him, or myself, I would have met them by now. The one time I did say ok; he said no, and I am glad he did. I want them to take one look at me and be thinking that their son mentioned that I had a substantial weight problem; but where is it? He hasnt even told them how much I have lost; only that I was working out. Well nobody has seen anything yet.

Yesterday when I was looking in the mirror; I caught a glimpse of my back. I had on my running bra, but I could see definition starting in my upper back instead of fat rolls. Months ago when I went home to have a fat test done, I was told that I had good back muscles. At the time I laughed because I didnt think anyone could see them. Well now they are beginning to pop out finally, along with more curves. Imagine what would happen if I began lifting again? "My guy" said that because of my size and build I will always appear to be chunky. I beg to differ...I went to the gym in a horrible mood yesterday; yet there were four things that made me break out into a full fledged smile...1) The looks on everyone's faces when I go home to get my next fat test done 2) The exact second when 1,400 calories burned crossed over on my heart rate monitor 3) When I calculated my exact mileage covered (almost 13 miles) 4) The fact that I still wasnt tired after 3 hours....

"My guy" will feel good about us again, I will transform completely inside and out, and my life will get better after all this. I finished hitting rock bottom a long time ago. It's time to quit living like I havent.

He also said it must be exciting to see my body go through all these changes. Truth be told; I never got the chance to see the adult version of me. The last "me" I saw was the adolescent body. By the time I crossed over into adult; was already encased in a fat suit. So I am almost my adolescent self again watching these changes happen for the first time.

[mifsit]

"maybe I am stronger than I give myself credit for"

Its about time you relised that.

[Trying4Thin]

I am going to keep my comments short for now because I am dead tired. But I got the results of my latest weigh in....



149.2 POUNDS!!

Yeah I did do the above dance too when I got off the scale...I dont care that I looked ridiculous or the whole place heard me. I have now lost 64.8 pounds. Less than a pound to go; and Mr. President can remove his "OBESE" label off of me for good. Only 29.2 pounds to go!

Ran with "my guy" today and I ran with him and not behind him. And I ran further than before. He was suprised and pleased with my improvement today. Everything went well between us today and it was fun. But I did learn a valuable lesson....I challenged him to a race back to his house (if he gave me a head start), and I took off running forgetting that there was a slight hill (going downward). I took off like a bat out of hell and almost couldnt stop. My feet kept sliding on my shoe inserts and it felt like I was going to flip over my feet. His last words to me were, "No I dont want you to hurt yourself." I replied with something like, "I'm going to kick your ass." And I did...But I dont think he was seriously trying. I am just full of surprises; and he is going to realize that soon. Always keep em guessing!

~Carrie

[muppet]

Way to go Carrie!!!
I'm so happy for you.
You know how they say to not be ruled by the numbers and charts. Well, I'm like you--- I would love to get out of the 'obese' catagory. I know I could be out of that catagory, and still be out of shape. I know I could be in that catagory, and be in really good shape. It realy doens't mean too much. My head knows this, but man, would I ever be excited to be at a 'healthy' weight, according to the government's standards.

[Missy]

YAY!!!!!!!!!! Way to go Carrie! You showed that scale who was boss today! Congratulations on getting out of the 150s, you definately earned it with all your hard work.

[Trying4Thin]

Thank you for the compliments everyone! I can honestly say that it is a huge relief to finally cross over into the 140's. It has been something I have been wanting for years; but now more than ever. I really really hope to not spend too much time here though. I think if I continue to run outside as much as I can; as well as kick my butt at the gym on a regular basis...soon the 140's will be a distant memory as well. I think I have finally found the intensity that I was missing all these years that I have been trying to lose. Once you hit a certain point; you must keep raising the bar to keep your body guessing. If you cant raise the bar; the weight wont budge. It feels incredibly good to know that I can just pick up and go as far as I want and not be hassled and held down by my body weight anymore. I can admit now that the main reason I lost the weight was (not for my overall health, appearance, etc) I wanted to run again like I used to. I was always a sprinter; but I want to be a distance runner as well. I want to "run" my problems away; not "chow them away." Eating no longer holds the same importance or enjoyment that it once did. It should be used to nutrition, special occasions, and not for medicinal purposes. I really could care less what other people are eating in front of me; around me...Yeah the smells are somewhat distracting, but I'd much rather prefer the smells of outdoor freedom when I run. You cant beat that...(Although the oven fresh pizza smell does kinda come close!) I can now brag about running outside, or the elliptical stepper. Who wants to brag about downing a large pizza in a single sitting and then the heartburn that inevitably follows?

As I mentioned during my counseling session today; I HATE the term "OBESE." Just saying it makes me want to vomit. Who coined this term and who gives the government the right to classify me? If you want my opinion; BMI is crap. It does not even work for athletes, or for people who are packing a lot of muscle. According to the BMI scale, both of those groups will aways be "Obese" or "Overweight." BMI is also not fair to people like myself who are short with a wide build (stocky). I will never weigh 100 pounds without looking like a freak. But that is considered a healthy weight for me. 120 pounds is pretty much the top of the "Normal Range." I only pay attention to it because it gives me something to shoot for and it is also another way to measure how far I have come from my days of 214 pounds. As I told my counselor; I am going to rid the world of this horrible label. I am dead serious. Also add "Morbidly Obese" to my list as well. As if there arent enough horrible names to describe people of size. And as Carol smartly pointed out....BMI in no way shape or form tells how in shape or out of shape somebody is. So if you see the term "Obese" it is automatically assumed that the owner of the label is lazy, chows 12 dounuts in a sitting and weighs 300 pounds. Every pound I lose; I am more determined to want to challenge the BMI Scale. I refuse to be stereotyped, and labeled anymore by people who dont even know me or my exercise and eating habits.

[Trying4Thin]

Went to the gym and finally was able to try out the Elliptical Crosstrainer. Did an hour and went 4.39 miles and burned over 400 calories. I have no idea about fat burn or exact calorie count because 13 mins before my workout ended the screen froze up. It is still frozen. WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Time to call The Polar Guy!

The handles took some getting used to. If I needed water or whatever; I had to slow down to grab the regular handles so I wouldnt fall off. If I hadnt had to do that; I bet I could have gone farther. Nevertheless, I remember when at my first gym when I couldnt do 5 minutes without dying.

[mifsit]

I feel so proud of you for getting to where you are. When I saw your result I almost leapt for joy. Well done.

BMI shouldn't be relied on. I know the British Army have stopped using it to check new recruits since it stopped a lot of tall fit but muscly guys getting in.

[muppet]

So, my BMI is 31.4. They call it 'overweight', not obese. Hmm -- I thought I had been in the 'obese' catagory before, but i'm not sure if all these charts are standardized. Anyway, when ( I almost said 'if', but decided to be positive) I get it to 30, I will be at the very highest end of the 'healthy' range. An ideal BMI would be 24, for me. I got this info from the BL banner --- 'get a free diet profile'.
I guess it's a tool for measuring progress, but I'm not crazy about the labels. As stated previously, they really mean nothing. And it's definitely not a good way to measure fitness. It's just numbers.
I've never been on a eliptical. Actually never really been on a treadmill either. I guess I've tried one, but never done a real workout on one.
I think if I ever went to a gym for a workout, I'd probably hurt myself, trying to figure out those machines!

[Trying4Thin]

I never thought I would ever get to say this...but today "my guy" ate his words and admitted I was in shape (yet a few days ago I wasnt). Today I ran with him (not behind) for 2 miles outside at his pace. I never thought I would ever be able to run with him. Plus today was 86 degrees and the humidity was horrible. I think I could have banged out more; but the heat was getting to me. I didnt have water (didnt know he was going to change our run routine.) So I got cranky when he wanted to start running again. Well I am still gunshy about running in the heat. And I had barely any fluids all day. But we ended up going about 4 miles total. I managed to fix my HR Monitor this morning (whew!) and oddly enough; my weight was still entered in as 159; so I have no idea how my past few workouts have differed calorie-wise. Even today, I set it for 149 and I burned 599 calories. I was shocked and so was he. He even asked if it was right. Yes it is accurate. I told him that he didnt really know me and that he should give me a chance and I would surprise him in many ways. (Truth be told, I surprised myself today.) So it has been only 3 training sessions together and from the start I couldnt even do a quarter mile; and 2 sessions later; I ran 2 miles straight. I have crashed through every "challenge" he has set up for me. I am majorly redeeming myself in his eyes; and I am sure he is more shocked than he is letting on. But I didnt do today's run for him; I did it for the former "me" who was too fat to get out of bed, and walk down the hall without wincing in pain or breathing hard. I have only just begun to turn myself around. He will be chasing after me...I was expecting my endurance to take months to build (for outside); and it took less than a week. Wondering what it will be in two months? I am betting that I will be running 4 miles with him and maybe other things will be progressing too. But right now I care more about my endurance and getting out of the 140's ASAP!

Something really odd happened today at work; will save that for later. I am still recovering from it. Not quite sure how to react...

I need a shower. Have a good night everyone! Keep up the great work!
~Carrie