It's Time For A New Life

[Missy]

I bet you will love the crosstrainer, the elliptical that I always use makes use of both your arms and legs, I think that's why I enjoy it so much. I feel like I am working out my whole body instead of just my legs.

[Trying4Thin]

I am really peeved off at the moment. I misplaced my schedule for the week and went to look for it in my car. I came across the copy of my recent evaluation. I read all the comments and it seems that they have a problem with my "dependability." Riiiiiight....I get zillions of compliments from everyone, keep passengers happy, I dont wrap buses around trees, and they have the nerve to say I am not dependable. My arriving to work on time has DRASTICALLY improved since losing weight. I swear my attendance is getting messed up somehow. If they think I am going to stay on after getting a job with LA Weight Loss (fingers crossed or anywhere else) they can kiss my beind. Maybe if I hadnt been passed up so many times for promotions; maybe just maybe I would have a little more spring in my step when going to work in the morning. That and I am at work before management even rolls over in bed. And I work six days a week. Maybe my memory is failing; but I dont remember being late that many times. There are other issues here but I am going to let them go because this company isnt worth the stress. When I hit 130; I am sending in my application and not looking back. I think I would remember being late as often as they say I am. Whatever....

A while back this latest angerfest would have been a 1,000+ calorie binge. Now I just want to go to the gym and sweat off my anger; but it is too late. Now I have a whole new reason to kick my ass tomorrow. The sooner I get the weight off; the sooner I can put me first instead of this stupid company. Then again; refusing extra shifts unless I am helping somebody out is putting me first. I refuse to lift a finger there anymore than I have to.

[helena]

At least you didnt binge!!! that just shows hoe far you have come!!!

[Trying4Thin]

Two more shifts until vacation....I cant get them done fast enough. My manifest today was a complete nightmare (again). I pulled out all my tricks and still got people to work/appointments late because of this new computer program that is now making our lives a living hell. I got yelled at today by a Personal Care Assistant because she obviously thought that she and her client were the only one on the bus. Oh I wanted to tear this woman apart....First she greets me with a rude statement about..."they were supposed to send somebody who can do it". (Back her client down a ramp without losing her.) I guess the day before the driver couldnt do it and lost her and (and G-d forbid) this woman had to help. After feeling like a weakling for a nano-second; I flexed my muscles like a pro lifter and put the woman in her place by saying that I was a lot stronger than I looked. (Everyone in the house was laughing along with me when I thanked the client for giving me my cardio workout for the day.) But that didnt shut her up. She was a *&%$& the entire ride. I have no idea how I managed to keep my cool. The client was a very sweet lady and I felt bad for her. I expected the PCA to call in and complain her head off because I made her lazy ass walk 20 ft because the spot I dropped them off at was faster for me to unload the client. So when I went in to talk to the Assistant Ops Manager (again), I told them what happened. Amazingly she hadnt called in about me. The next time this woman treats me like a highered hand and speaks sharply to one of my MRDD clients again; I will not hold back. I did have some major satisfaction when a (shrimp of a girl) like me was able to maneuver the hefty chair (in the rain) down the slick ramp all by my little itty bitty self. What a wench....I was ready to go to LA Weight Loss today and talk about getting an application in NOW. But I am not going to be bullied. I will go when I am ready; and at my strongest. Two-three months tops. I am going to show this place they were wrong about me; I will leave my mark, and I will leave with my head held high. Because I will be going somewhere; and they will be continuing to make the same mistakes over and over; leaving the drivers to be their first line of defense. We all deserve better and so do the clients. I get out of bed in the morning for the clients, for me, and to know that I am making somebody else's day a little better through laughter and transportation. Management can take a jump in the lake and I am so glad I never was given the chance to become one of them. They should be honored to have somebody like me who keeps the clients happy and away from the phone to complain. Now matter how late I am; if I show up wearing a smile, make them laugh, bust my butt to get them to their destination asap, and apologize...they forget their initial frustration. I dont know if all drivers have figured out this "magic formula." There is only one member of upper management who appreciates me and she is the only one who I will give the time of day to. She said that when she sees who is driving what; that I am one of the ones she puts in the back of her mind and doesnt care about because she knows I can handle it. So bring it on! Good things do come in small packages!



I wish I had worked out last night; because now my back is sore. And I ate too many starches today. I didnt get a break between pick ups today so I went from 4am to 1pm without eating. I came home starving. I think the unwelcome visitor is also on it's way for next week (grrrrrrr! Why next week!!!) So, my appetite would also begin to spike because of that. I will just have to monitor myself more closely and keep a tight rein on it. I am betting the scale will be up tomorrow and I dont care. When I came home today (mad as hell), all my anger melted when I looked in the mirror. I looked smaller than I had been in a long time. I also had to laugh when I went into the driver's room to complete my paperwork. I was facedown in paperwork and I happened to hear somebody say, "How is the jogger doing?" Nobody answered and I looked up and everyone was staring at me. I didnt even realize the question was directed at me. People remember seeing me out and about. I HAVE made a difference. I dont even remember the last time I ran during my treck around campus unless it was at the track. It seems that I have more followers than I once thought. I know you guys do too. Just because people dont come out and say it; they are noticing and admiring everything you guys are doing to change. Be prepared to find out who your true friends are. Most will stick by you; but others may drift to the wayside because they may be jealous of your successes. I was always jealous of friends who could drop pounds and I couldnt seem to put down the junk food. But I never tried to derail them. I wish they had been as considerate of my feelings when I showed early signs of succeeding as I had been of theirs. Dont let them run you off course.




I wrote ""my guy" an email last night and kept it light. I did say that I was glad to hear from him earlier this week; and about my latest gym triumphs, and battle of the scale. Then I apologized for the email being longer than I had originally planned; but I felt like I wanted to share everything with him. I knew why; but I didnt want to waste time and space trying to explain why I felt this way. (He should know anyway; duh!) These days it is all about holding the right things back for the right time. If it works out between us; we will have all the time in the world to tell each other how we feel and what is in our hearts. As much as it hurts; the time is not now. As I had to remind myself over and over again this week reguarding the messed up manifests and traffic; patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait.

Oh and also of note; my BMI is down again. I began at 214 pounds and my BMI was a whopping 43.2 YOWSAH! And I am now sitting at 152.2 pounds and my BMI is a much lower 30.7 YEEHAW! Yes folks; there is life after the fat.

All this said; hang in there and good things will come your way. Eventually we will all come to the light at the end of our tunnels; but dont stop once you get there. Never stop trying to improve, gain new knowledge, or doing what you have to do make yourself happy. There comes a time in life when you have to put yourself first. I was never a fan of Suzy Preston at the ranch. But she did say that when she got to the ranch she was able to put herself first for once; and when she got home everyone was going to have to learn to accept that (her not always being there to help at their beckon call). It's ok to want to help others with their issues etc, but you have to also set aside time to take care of YOU. If you dont care of you; then you definitely cant take care of anyone else.

As usual I have penned another novel. Have a good night and I will see ya later! I am proud of each and every one of you!

~Carrie

[mifsit]

Hi Carrie, there should be more bus drivers over here like you. There a often letters in the papers about rude, smoking (sometimes drunk) bus drivers who short change customers. I don't think there's such a thing as a bus to cater for wheelchair bound people over here either.

I am so very impressed with your results and its obvious those around you are too.

[Trying4Thin]

Another day; another crazy door to door route. I am soooo sleepy; but if I go back to sleep now, I will need a crane to drag my behind out of bed again. As expected; my back and arms are sore from maneuvering that wheelchair down the ramp yesterday. Now I feel even better about not going to the gym last night and exacerbating it further. There is no way I am calling off work and giving them reason to give me a poor evaluation in 6 months and deny me a raise. Besides; in six months I will be a lot further along than where I am now. Hard to believe.




I have not changed my veggie protein habits yet. It is not a good idea to try and change something around when I am stressed out. I have been overeating a little on some things and not eating others. I havent had a vegetable in two days. That will change today. I am working from 6:15-1:30 and then I have the weigh in. After that; I will be needing something to keep me going because I have a ton of things to get done today. I will have the extra energy because today is PAYDAY!! I would love to say CHA-CHING! But my paycheck will only get me as far as CHA...if I am lucky.

I think my weight will be up some today; however I look different. So that works for me (for now). I plan to make mega changes next week when I am not at work. So we will see. It has been a while since I have had an unexpected "scale shocker." Maybe today is the day. I will try and run around as much as possible at work today. Then again; with the route I have today, that shouldnt be too difficult.

Be well!
~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone,

I most likely will not be around for the next few days maybe more. This afternoon Windows XP somehow got a corrupted file and now I cant get Windows to load at all. I cant get into my own computer is what it boils down to. It looks like I may have to wipe my entire hard drive. Worst of all; all of my Itunes files are on there...all 1,600 files; and I dont have them backed up. There is a 50/50 chance I can get this fixed without wiping the drive. But there are no promises. So that should explain my involuntary absence. I am royally peeved off right now. I may also try and take my pc to Best Buy to have my hard drive removed. I have a feeling they will charge me an arm and a leg. I dont trust anyone (friendwise) with my files.

Scale said I gained back everything I lost this week. All 1.6 pounds. Oh well; as of 10:30am tomorrow I am on vacation. So it will be me first for a week. I hope you are all doing well and staying out of "trouble." I am too tired and frustrated to be hungry. I will try and check in soon. I am at Kinkos now and I hate it here. 20 cents a minute plus tax is ridiculous!!

~Carrie

[muppet]

Well Carrie that just sucks. I don't know if you'll even get to see this, before you get you're computer fixed, but here goes anyway...
20 cents a minute to be online???? Wow -- ridiculous! Try the library. Everwhere I've lived, they've always had free internet access. It only costs you if you want to print something off.
Good luck to you, and I hope you get things fixed up soon.
Carol

[Missy]

wow, that really sucks Carrie. I hope it doesn't end up costing you too much to fix your computer. And yes, 20 cents a minute is a crazy price to pay..yikes! Hope you are back soon!

[mifsit]

Hi Carrie, I have to deal with a lot of crap in my job cos of windows xp. If you have the install disk pop it in your cd/dvd drive an try to boot it off that, you should be able to run a repair install on it. if not you should be able to take it to a pc repair shop and they should be able to take your mp3, my document folders etc and back them up for you.