It's Time For A New Life

[TStreich]

Originally Posted by Trying4Thin

Thanks Theresa but I didnt run all of it. I ran as much as I could, then walked, then ran more. I slowly ran it once about a year ago when I was heavier. Snails could have passed me that day. I have no idea how I did it then because I cant do it now. But, now I am lighter and want to run faster so I tire more quickly. I am going to keep trying until I can run the whole 6 miles at a decent pace. That is my next goal. I am hoping to get outside a lot this year once the nastiness of winter is gone. Great job this morning. I dont know many people who can turn down dessert! How are things with the hubby?


~Carrie

Run/Walk is still awesome. Proud of you. You will be running it like a breeze soon enough.

Things are much better. I am letting kiss up for awhile though.

[Patty_Ann]

Originally Posted by TStreich

Wow you are amazing! 6 mile run and 30 miles on bike. I am tired just reading it. LOL Keep up the good work and the scale will catch up and reward you.

I agree with Theresa! You are doing a superb job! You will see great results soon enough! Keep it up!

[Trying4Thin]

Day 9

Well it is now day 9 and I still havent caved in to diet soda or prepackaged meals, except veggies. I have to say, that I am pretty proud of myself. Well today was the ultimate test of tests...I had just completed my route (I am in public transportation: elderly, MRDD etc), and dispatch called me and asked me if I would go to Burger King. At first, I thought they wanted me to go and pick up a client there. No, they wanted me to go in and buy a Whopper with cheese for one of the dispatchers. Are you kidding me?? Talk about throwing somebody into Pandora's Box!! I agreed to it though. Surprisingly enough, I got in and out and didnt even want anything. I glanced up once at the menu and it just looked like a hamburger dripping with sludge. (The new Cheezy Bacon Whoppers). I did however, get checked out by the manager, and for the record, he was cute. I tightly closed the bag. I think I suffocated the poor little whopper. Then the little heart attack patty and I had a conversation. I told it that I could no longer smell it, I didnt want it, it wasnt going to make me fat anymore. I then shoved it out of sight. However, in the case of fast food, out of sight does NOT equal out of mind. I could still smell the thing like it was right under my nose begging to be eaten. So I did the only thing I could do...I rolled down the window entirely, and drove as fast as I could back to the office. The fast food bag (contents and all) were delievered safely to it's rightful owner. This ended up being a great test for me. 1) I was thrown into temptation and it no longer phased me (in fact, Burger King kinda smelled like deep fried fat, and not like the yummy bugers it used to) 2) When I was in the restaurant, I kept feeling the need to clarify that this sandwich was for somebody else, not me. Why? Probably because I am still overweight and I didnt want to further perpetuate the stereotype of the "fat girl ordering a whopper she doesnt need." And because I wanted to convince myself that it wasnt for me. 3) When I got back to the office I couldnt get rid of the bag fast enough. It is a well known fact at work that I am dieting, and I didnt want any rumors being started that I fell off the bandwagon. So all in all, this was a good experience. Afterall, if I can get through Valentine's Day (aka D Day), and not cheat, I sure as heck am not going to do it now. Having finally gotten my fitness legs back, I am not willing to give them up. Like Dr Jeff once said, "I am going to be selfish with my time." I have also discovered that I now weigh 158.7 (55.3 lbs gone). Junk food, kiss my behind! I think I am finally free of my addiction to food...(Unlike poor Spongbob Squarepants who will spend the rest of his life worshipping the fatty Krabby Patty).
I did wake up sore, and for most of my shift I was uncomfortable. But by the time I was done, my pain was just about past. It is raining like crazy out today so I cant walk. I have done a 3 mile walk in pouring rain before, but it was awful because I wear contacts and water kept getting in my face. So it is back to the bike once again. Keep up all the great work guys. Hearing you stay motivated keeps ME motivated.

Love,
~Carrie

[muppet]

Wow--- that's great! Next time I go to McD's, or any other fast food haven, I will think of you, and how you put that whopper in it's place!!!

[susieokla]

Carrie-you're too funny!

Great job on resisting the temptation of the dreaded Burger King. You're my hero!! Isn't it great though how we can be put in those situations and still be able to pull through without caving in? I'm so proud of myself everytime I can walk away from McDonald's or Sonic without gorging myself or eating something unhealthy. You should be very proud too!!

You were talking about the smell there. The other night I stopped by my sister's house and she was frying hamburgers and french fries. All I could smell was the grease and when I left it was still on my clothes. I had to go home and change, it made me feel sick. I guess it's kind of like a non smoker going into a smokers house the smell just kind of gets in your clothes, your hair, everywhere. I don't miss grease at all.

158.7 and 55.3 weight lost is awesome!!! You are doing so great!!

[Trying4Thin]

Thank you Muppet. Believe me, it will get easier. I am not going to lie. I still drool when driving by places like Damons. The smell of cooking over an open flame is intoxicating. Especially when you are on a diet. If it gets to you, just think about the new you, the new clothes you will get to wear, and how great you will feel leaving the fat behind.

Thank you Susie. I guess the easiest way to get through this is to make fun of it because I have spent so many years (12) verbally abusing myself, crying, and wishing I could just die and get it over with. I honestly believe I was a single french fry away from diabetes, and all the other horrible things that are associated with obesity. I figured I would be fat and alone and I didnt want to be 40 and not achieve my dreams of finding my soulmate, having children, and regaining control over my life. I want to show everyone that I can do this, and I will do this. I agree with you about the smokers comment. A former friend's mother used to smoke and then she quit. When she realized how bad the smell was, she couldnt believe it. Unfortunatly, she took it up again. I feel the same way about food. If I ever get the urge to take a bite of a whopper again, I hope that I choke on the taste alone before I can swallow it.

I didnt want to, but I got on my bike again. I had 10 mins to go and thought I was going to die. But I didnt. I went 32.2 miles. I am psyched even though my legs may hate me tomorrow. I have a double shift tomorrow so I think I am going to nix the exercise for the day, but we will see.

Just when you think you cant possibly do any more, reach deep down inside of yourself and grab that extra mile, step, or repetition. When your body says you cant, you know that you really can. Dont let it stand in your way.

Love,
~Carrie

[ehyatt]

So how was that "little heart attack patty"? lol

Great job Carrie! That took a lot of gusto to walk into BK resist temptation and have the wherewithall to put the fat to the side and flirt with a cute guy. Awesome story!

[Trying4Thin]

Day 10

Well it is now Day 10 of my journal. Things arent going too badly. I didnt write in my journal yersterday because I worked a double at work, went to the grocery store and passed out. After completing my first shift I ran home, weighed myself, (still 158.7), inhaled some oatmeal and ran back to work. Never inhale oatmeal, it will make you feel horrible afterwards. I could have binged on five cheeseburgers and felt just as uncomfortably full. Unfortunatly for me, my first client was another fast food worker. When he failed to show up, I had to go in and find him. As soon as I walked into the restaurant, the smell of deep fried fat made me feel sick. (That combined with the recently inhaled oatmeal.) Didnt even look at the menu this time; just wanted to get in and out. When all was said in done, client was a no-show and I discovered once again that, "I am NOT lovin' it." I didnt count my calories yesterday, but I did eat more than usual. It was all good stuff. Dinner was a Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad and my own dressing. (I didnt eat the croutons), a small amount of pre-cut fruit, and a 60 cal Lite N Lively yogurt. Had popcorn later. For some reason, off an on all day I was craving pizza and soda. Well these days, that's all it is. Just a craving. Maybe when I get to 120, I will have a celebratory piece of pizza, but until then it is hands off. Was surprised at how much stuff I bought at the grocery store, for the cost. I even bought squash so I can try and add cinnimon to it. They had the ready made (and seasoned) stuff avail, but I am sure it was filled with all the things I am not supposed to have like excess sugar and preservatives. I did treat myself to some magazines. Ok, so they were stuff like People, US, In Touch etc. What is the harm? They are calorie free. Plus, I admit it is nice to read that a certain celebrity is having trouble getting her pre-baby figure back. I have dreamed my entire life to have a body like hers. Even at goal, I dont think I ever will because of my build. It seems like Hollywood is a different breed. They can have whatever they want because they are famous. Weight seems to just fall off with very little or no effort, and it drives me insane. So, not that I wish anyone of them any ill will, but come on. Do they really know what it feels like to struggle?? I am definitely going to need/want surgery when I am done, but I have to work for it first. Unfortunatly, the road is still long and winding. I am hoping to be at goal by my 31st birthday in May of this year. But 38 pounds in a little more than 3 months is a lot to ask for. Only this time, instead of just asking, I am asking, praying and DOING all I can to make this dream come true. In case the person who grants dreams is reading this, I would also like a chance to go out on a date with "my guy." Although I think I have a greater chance of getting struck by lightning than that last one coming true. A girl can hope and dream cant she? May is still a couple of months away and I can still lose more pounds before then and now, as well as change into a more evolved and secure person. I want to make myself irresistible to him. We havent been in the same room together since November and I want to look completely different than the last time he saw me. I want to make one thing clear though, as much as I love this guy, I am doing this for ME. He is just one of the motivating factors behind it.

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Day 11


Well today I had to spend 3.5 hours at work, (saturday nontheless), getting lectured on Harrassment etc. It was a paid meeting/training. I went in my flannel pajama bottoms because it was frigid out. Laugh all you want, but my legs werent cold. Anyone else notice that when you lose a significant amount of weight, that you become super sensitive to temperature?? Days like these I wish I had the extra padding. Nice to know it was good for something. Usually they provide doughnuts and coffee. Today there was just coffee. It was amazing how many people complained about the lack of doughnuts. Who cares? Maybe the office got smart and realized so many of their employees are way overweight, so why contribute to a future heart attack? While being bored out of my mind at the lecture, I looked down at my legs and was wondering why they looked so much like sacks of potatos instead of legs. If they look like that now, what did they look like 55 pounds ago?? I have been really working my legs, and they are beginning to show signs of loose skin and recovering stretch mark areas (yuck I know). For now, they feel solid, but they still need to slim down more. Ok so maybe it is muscle that I am building there, and that is why they seem bigger. How much work is this going to take? Standing up, I am really starting to look slimmer, but as soon as I sit down, I look like I havent lost an ounce. Stupid belly fat and chest. I am still compromised by my weight because I am not able to run as far as I want to, or need to in order to burn the max amount of calories I want. My mother said I need to eat more protein. My day is pretty much vegetables and oatmeal for the most part. So she is sending me some chocolate protein powder. It is supposed to help build muscle and suppress hunger after a workout or a skipped meal. I will let you know how it is. I have started to eat more (canned) chicken again. I am avoiding ground beef, even turkey too, because I cant shut myself off. Too much of anything isnt good. Well unless it is steamed broccoli. I feel like if I eat a hamburger, I will start craving ketchup, cheese, bread, peanut butter, dessert, etc. I have cut all that out from my diet. (I have no fun anymore). But I am healthier, and I have kissed the 160's goodbye for good this time. All those things were never my friends in the first place. Just fair weather friends. There as comfort food, and as soon as I turned my back, they did their damage. It was a viscious cycle and it was high time it came to an end. 12 years of being ashamed is 12 years too long. I admit I am a binge eater, carb addict, and I eat no matter what my mood is. I look forward to the time when this is no longer true. I know that no "mini crisis" in my life is worth the taste of pizza or pint of ice cream. Those just add to the distress, stress and depression. Depression, overeating, more depression, more overeating. Why start such a destructive cycle? It isnt easy to quit, but it can be done. Thanks for listening to my rambling. Hope some of it is useful. Have a great weekend. Here's to hoping that it will stop snowing and warm up. I am getting cabin fever. Even 40 degrees and sunny is perfect walking, hiking, and running, weather.

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Day 12

Well it is Day 12 and I am still hanging in there. My scale is driving me nuts. Today I am between 158.3 and 158.4 lbs. I think my belly area is finally starting to go down, and my legs too. Less than 10 to go before I hit the 140's. According to the BMI scale, I have to hit 148 lbs and I will be "overweight" and not "obese" like the government standards say. Well I know I need to ignore the BMI scale because of my broad build. I have so much stuff to do today and I just dont want to do it. You know, the usual stuff...Laundry, cleaning, and I have to go buy more lettuce, smoothies, and canned chicken. Normally I wouldnt mind, but it is so cold outside. I think it is supposed to top out in the 20's today. Still too cold to hit the trail unless I want a whopper case of frost bite. No thanks. I still havent spoken to, "my guy" yet, but he did send me a short email on the 15th. He liked the card I sent him. I think this will work in the end, I just have to keep my head on straight and not push things. Right now I am the priority, and everything else is secondary. I cant lose focus, because the second I do, it's all over and I am not willing to revisit old habits, and bad behaviors. May is coming up quickly and I need to stay on target because I refuse to go home again fat to my family. I spent too many years running away from them because I was so ashamed of what I had become. Last time I went home, my father convinced me to go see his sister and her husband, who I hadnt seen in 10 years I am guessing. After I had left, word gotten around that I had visited. I guess they were told I didnt want to see them because I had put on some weight (they didnt know the half of it). One of my cousins then said, "Does she think we would love her any less? The next time she comes home, we see her." I never for one second thought that my family would reject me, but I had always been in shape back then and I didnt want to go back a big fat looking couch potato. But this year that all changes. I want my own Biggest Loser style party, and to get promoted at work. So those are my goals for now. After that, who knows. I hope a lot of doors will open for me. I want to get to the place where I feel like I can conquer the world.

"I've learned that you can get through things that hurt. Nothing will kill you. Nothing. People are unbelieveable. We have such resilience." (Jennifer Aniston in Women's World Magazine)

Keep up the great work. We can do this!!

~Carrie