It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

Yes they are supposed to do the interior toxin cleaning and jumpstart weight loss. And it is supposed to be done when you first start the program. I wasnt given the juice when I first started; so everything I did was all me. Ever since I have come off of it; I have been starving. I knew this was going to happen and I did everything I could to prevent the gain. Maybe that is why I am so angry. They tried to tell me that I wouldnt gain. If they think that I am going through that every 2 weeks at 25.00 a pop; they have another thing coming. I have already over eaten today and I am sure the scale had something to do with setting me off. No I didnt go off plan; I just overate some. I just hate having a taste of things that I want to have dangled in front of me and then the second I get close; they are yanked away. My mother even flat out told me not to do this juice thing. That I was doing fine without it. Well never again. Again, this better be fixed by Friday. The counselor I had today was no help either. I just think that deep down she really isnt a people person. Not only that; but she has a pretty sizeable weight issue herself. (Not to be mean but...) That is like taking diet advice from Oprah the yo-yo diet queen. I could never be a weight loss counselor if I had a weight problem. Since she was zero help; I will work this out on my own. I have to stay civil since I want to work there in the future. Today at work I had to manually load an electric wheelchair that must have weighed close to 400 pounds (with rider). My back was screaming by the end of my shift. I really really dont want to work out today. I just want to curl up with a good book and a large pizza with pepperoni, green peppers and extra cheese. But I wont. I have already messed up enough for today. I may take the day off; unless I can find a good dvd to bike along with. I dont want to be seen in public since I feel so fricken huge. Yes I am being hard on myself but it is my emotions talking. Couldnt stand it and finally called "my guy" to tell him I had lost 61 pounds. Got the machine as I expected since he does outside work most of the day. He probably wont call back since the World Cup is on, or whatever sport is on this week. But at least he will know that I am not (and havent been) on the couch slinging powdered donuts waiting for him to call and profess his undying love. Ok I have vented enough. And now for a little cash therapy. Nothing a new ITunes card cant buy.

Keep up the great work. I am going to try and get back on track too.

[Trying4Thin]

Ok I have eaten enough today to remind myself why I dont pull that crap anymore. Enough sulking. I did skip my workout today. Went to Target and loaded up on ITunes cards (a necessary evil), got a 40 oz water bottle, and some Icy Hot Sleeves for my knee. I hope they work. I dont want to smell like a medicine cabinet when I am outside. Icy Hot is great but it smells too strong. I ended up calling "my guy" to see if he wanted to take a walk. He said no..Huge surprise. I am sure he has been busy and working a lot. But he did sound happy about my news. He said he will call me sometime. I told him that I missed him. Yes I was dripping with cheezy...But it is the truth. It sucks when you ache for somebody every day and they are so close but so far away. But I am going to show him that he is wrong (about a lot of things). But the beauty of it is that I am going to make him think it was his idea...It ment a lot to me that he knew I wasnt junk food binging since we last saw each other, and that I was putting myself first for once. Like it or not, I have grown up considerably. I am definitely not the girl he met back in August of '03. I am now going to cheer myself up by doing something I have always wanted to do...be a music and movie critic.....

Ok so here is a new feature of my journal...Every day I am going to give a new musical selection for a great workout. Keep in mind; it's just my opinion!!

First up: "The Producers Soundtrack" (Mel Brooks) Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick etc. This is hysterical...Even better than "Chicago." I just saw the movie and couldnt stop laughing. I LOVE Nathan Lane. See the movie but lose the kids because some of the content is unsuitable. The gag reel is great too. Will Ferrell also steels the show with "Der Guten Tag Hop-Clop."

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

HA HA!!
IT WORKS!!!!

Now I can have Quizno's 24-7!!

Sorry I have gone loony toons...

[Patty_Ann]

I have a ? about music - I was telling my hubby about you and all your music on the iPod and he wants to know if you can help him with the title of a song. Here is a little bit of it...."that's the way it has to be cuz that's the way i like it" "you told me that you love me now girl show me b/c i can't believe it's true that i'm with you" - it is driving him bonkers!

[mifsit]

Carrie I think you are doing great. This plan you are on seems very complicated to me and you are showing a lot of commitment.

I like to start my workouts with a warm up to "spitfire" by Prodigy, I can highly reccomend it

[Trying4Thin]

Thanks for the compliments...actually it isnt that complicated. I just flew off the handle for a day over a 0.6 pound weight gain that was most likely water. Unfortunately I still tend to get very emotional over a few stupid numbers and this time I know it will cost me. I guess I was just ripped that I did what I could to not see that weight gain and I got it anyway. I havent exercised for 3 hours straight in quite some time. My body seems to plateau everytime I seem to get close to the bottom of a set of numbers...like between 163-159, and now in the low 150's it is happening again. It wasnt like it was a surprise; but unfortunately I let it really affect me more than it should have. So as an old high school friend used to say, "I have to pick myself up and dust myself off," and start over again. The damage was completed yesterday and I am starting off fresh today. As the old saying goes, "Those that dont learn from the past are doomed to repeat it." The old me would have ridden this wave of depression for days until I had gained back every ounce I had lost in the past 3 weeks and then some.
I so do not want to go to work today....Tried to get rid of my shift at the last minute; but it didnt work. Should be done around 11:45 and then I can relax. I think I am going to do some lifting today and some ab work and lay off the knee for another day. I think a change in plan may help a little.

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone,

Got my behind run off at work today and I am just glad to be home away from it all. My appetite is really picking up and I am not happy about it in the slightest. I dont like the feeling of not being in control of my hunger levels. Tomorrow's weigh in is going to suck big time. All this good luck the past 3 weeks has jinxed me. I also resent the fact that I allowed a 0.6 pound "gain" get the better of me.

I need a nap before I fall asleep at the computer. Or throw something at the wall just to blow off steam. I wish I could take a week off work and just hammer myself with cardio. Wouldnt that be great? I'd show them results like they have never seen before.

~Carrie

[Jules]

Sorry you're so hungry still. Drink plenty of water and that will help fill your stomach up. Glad you're already through with work and can now work out like you wanted to. You're doing great Carrie, keep your chin up. Cheers!

[Patty_Ann]

Carrie...I am going through the same thing - It feels like I am starving. I don't know why and it is driving me crazy. You have done such a wonderful job and you are doing good not letting this get to you. I wish the best for you. How many times a week do you weigh in? Also...have you seen my message about the song my hubby is needing help with the title? I figured you could help me - you seem to know a lot about music.

[Trying4Thin]

I think the reason I feel like chowing is 3 part...
1) It is a negative side effect from "flunking" my weigh in on Weds. Food has always been my (warm hug) for when I am depressed. It is a fair weather friend because it comforts me on the one hand; and ruins my body as soon as my back is turned.

2) I dont like the way my body feels when it is practically going manic from not eating...(stupid cleansing). So it is natural to want to have that full feeling. It is one thing to not eat because I am not hungry; it is completely another to force myself not to eat because I am not supposed to. When the fast is over; your body will hoard anything and everything it can get its hands on. The moral of this is dont fall for quick fixes. There are no such thing. Well they have consequences; and how much are you willing to pay for a nonlasting effect? The price is too high for me.

3) I am missing "my guy" terribly. Every weigh in I flunk is a step back from my ultimate hopes and dreams. Nobody will ever believe I have truly changed (myself included) until I can conquer the "impossible." I want to meet his family with a 94 pound weight loss under my belt. The only way I will ever do that is to completely lose the person I was living as for the last 12 years; who is responsible for where I ended up. I want to impress the heck out of them. Losing the weight will show "my guy" that I do care about myself enough to love and care for somebody else as well. I dont think I could have fully done that before because I hated myself so much. I couldnt be as open as I wanted to be because I was so self conscious; and when I forced myself to make a move it was too late. I am not scared to put myself out there anymore; and to love with all that I've got.

Now it is time to drag my lazy behind outside and give those Icy Hot sleeves a test run. A back to back session gain will kill me; but I have to accept that Weds actions probably sealed my fate for tomorrow.

Somebody asked me how often I get weighed in. I am weighed in everytime I go to the LA Center. For weight loss; they make you come in 3 times a week...so I go Mon, Weds, Fri.

~Carrie