It's Time For A New Life

[muppet]

I think you have convinced me to get an ipod. I like that you can buy cards at walmart, or target, or where-ever, instead of having to use your credit card on line.
I'm such a newb, when it comes to these things, but I'll figure it out. My 16 year old son will help me, and be really mad that I have an ipod, and he doesn't! Best part is, he won't want to use mine, because our taste in music doesn't exactly mesh.
I've been doing some research on line. I'm still not sure exactly what make the ipod better, but everyone seems happy with them.
You're doing great. This LA weight loss plan seems sensible. Something you could continue, even after you go off the program.
What kind of a bird is Ace? Hmm -- I wonder how many calories per teeny tiny drumstick?!??

[Patty_Ann]

Wow Carrie...you are doing wonderful. I have been out of the loop for awhile - been really busy with school and over the weekend my hubby and I started building my parent's deck. It's a huge deck - my dad is also helping. You are truly amazing - you workout so much...I wish I could workout this much and still have a smile. Keep up the hard work - way to go!

[Trying4Thin]

Had another weigh in today because of the Monday holiday. I am down another 0.6 lb. They are hoping to have me in the 140's by June 30th. Here's to beating their guestimate!!

Another storm is coming. Naptime!
Keep up all the good work.

Ace is a Parakeet. I like to call him a "Monkeet." Since he thinks he is part monkey. Tiny drumsticks may count as 1 protein....Get the IPod!!

Welcome back Patty Ann!

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

I am just curious when the mistakes of my past are going to quit haunting my present and future.

I let myself go and because of it; no guy that I have wanted in the past or present will ever give me the time of day.

I said one really wrong thing in a heat of the moment anger session and I am forgiven; but the negative feelings from the other person involved are still there towards me. And now he says he is over it (yeah right) he says he cares about me and wants to be my friend. He says on the one hand that I am the farthest thing from his girlfriend and that he doesnt like me like that and that being my boyfriend would be hell on earth because he doesnt feel that way about me, and he wouldnt want to do it just to make me happy. On the other hand he says he wants me to be his forever girl, or that he doesnt care who is his forever girl as long as it is right. He says that I am more focused on what I dont have than what we do have. That if I could fix this he would want to spend more time together as friends. He says that I should be more focused on our friendship than being more than friends. Correct me if I am wrong but if you enjoy something isnt it natural to want more of it? He says he doesnt feel comfortable because he feels that I am not ok with just being friends. (Yet he says everytime we talk or spend time together that is giving me a chance). I havent asked him if he would want to be my boyfriend in months. I havent left him angry in a very long time. I am not anything like I used to be. So when is he going to realize that I have totally changed? When is he going to quit confusing the old me with the new one?? When is he going to open up his eyes and see me? I can sense that he has feelings for me and that he is scared of getting hurt (like he would ever admit it. he says he doesnt, and if he did, he would tell me). It is that stupid umbrella statement from 2.5 years ago that started all of this crap. I believe in second chances; and he says he does too. So when am I going to get mine? I know if he would just open his eyes he would see how special I am. He used to tell me how special and precious I was. In my birthday card he said I was a special girl and he was glad he met me. When is anyone ever going to see me or give me a chance? I dont want to be alone anymore. And if I hear one more person start a sentence with my boyfriend, my fiancee, my baby...I am going to explode. I finally found the man I want these things with and he got a bad first impression. Now I have to pay for it for the rest of my life. What is the point of changing when nobody ever noticed you in the first place? Or they noticed you and didnt care? Or you have changed for the much much better and they still are convinced that you are the same person you always were? You dont lose almost 60 pounds and come through that unchanged. I have been alone my entire life and I am so incredibly sick of it. It would have been so much better to have never met this guy because then I wouldnt have realized how wonderful it was to be in love. Then again how can it be love when it is never ever returned? I dont want to be loved as just a friend anymore. If I were in his shoes, and had seen how much I had changed; I would give me a second chance. This stuff he says about not being afraid of something happening between us is BS. I wish I had somebody who loved me even half as much as I love him. I have always dreamed of having somebody to love; and having that love returned. But I blew my chance because I didnt think I was good enough and that nobody could love a fat ugly girl. Well he did (or started to), and then I blew it before anything could happen. Ok well at least now I am in shape enough to walk those trails alone instead of just sitting home alone and eating. Forever is too damn long to be left alone. So I am going to devote the rest of my life to helping others fight fat so they wont have to go through the pain that I have. I have to accept the fact that I will never be Eric's girlfriend or wife. But I just cant. I know that we are the perfect fit for each other. Not only that, but I have lost almost 60 pounds and no guy (my age) will give me the time of day. If given the choice (like in the article Carol posted) I would rather be minus a limb or two than EVER go a single day being FAT.
Sorry I had to get this out.

[Missy]

Carrie,

I'm so sorry that things aren't going the way you wish they would. When I read your posts I can tell how very sad you are, and I just wish that something positive would come your way for once on the love front. You seem like a very loving and nurturing woman and I feel sorry for any guy that passes you up. You would be a great catch. I do know that not having the chance to be with someone you truly desire is extemely hurtful. I went through this years ago...but I did still end up being best friends with him. It hurt at first, but the pain goes away...I moved on. I met an even greater guy. I wish your guy would give you a chance to show him how great things could be with you...

I do want to say that I am very proud of the progress you are making with your weight loss and the dedication you are putting forth into achieving what you want. I am so unbelievably touched that you want to help others with their weight issues. You are truly an inspiration to me and to others. I am sure once you achieve your career goals, you will be somebody's hero.

[mifsit]

I'm not sure I would want to lose a limb instead of being overweight. I can do something about being overwieght but I can't grow back an arm or leg.

I understand some of how you are feeling about being single. long story short - I got hurt really badly once and never trusted women for a very long time, it wasn't exactly my favorite time either.

Try telling him you feel different about yourself and apart from the weight loss has he noticed any other differences in you?

[Trying4Thin]

I like to compare my life to one of those choose your own ending books. You know where you get to decide how it will end from the choices you make. Yesterday I found myself in a familiar position of having one choice and multiple endings. It was no secret that I was extremely upset yesterday afternoon. I still am. But that is beside the point. I could have eaten my brains out and gone to bed and felt worse today. I could have just not exercised at all and just gone to bed; or I could have sucked it up and went to exercise anyway. Well I chose the last option. I hoofed it around campus, and then stayed at the track until almost 10pm. I missed the last 13 minutes because there was a storm coming and I was seeing lightning. I came home; had 16.9 oz of Black Cherry Flavored Water and went to bed. I barely ate yesterday. I had 2 LA Lite Bars, a small Turkey Lite Quizno's sandwich (no dressing), and a Chicken Caesar Salad (no dressing and no bread). I may have also eaten 15 Pistaccios. That was it. This afternoon, my scale said I was at 155.3 pounds. I still feel like emotional junk; but my weight didnt have to suffer for it. I have no idea where my weight will be tomorrow. Obviously it will be higher than anything I get since I have to weigh in with clothes on. No clue how I will cardio myself to death tonight since once again the, "Thunder Rolls." Right now I dont seem to care about much of anything; except for a man who tells me that everything will be ok and to just sit back and wait and let things happen because he doesnt have those feelings for me right now. People can change he says.

[Missy]

It's good to know you were still able to pick yourself up and get some exercise in yesterday. I know it's very easy to let emotions get in the way of things sometimes.

If your guy says he doesn't feel that way about you right now, I wouldn't jump to conclusions and say it's never going to happen. There's always a possibility. From what I gather, he was hurt and scared because of things that took place in the past...it just seems like he doesn't want to rush things in fear of getting hurt again. I think it's a good thing that you guys are hanging out though..even if it is just as friends. Give him some time to get to know the new you, and to get past his fears. It sounds like he definately has feelings for you. I say just give it some time, be friends...let the time you spend together be special and let it build up to something more concrete. He is right, people change. Give him the time he needs to overcome things in the past and let him get to know the new you before rushing things. I'm sure everything will work out for you in the end.

[Trying4Thin]

Well the fact that he says he's in love with another girl (who will never love him back) doesnt help matters. He denies having those feelings for me and said he never did. I think he is lying. He said if he did love me, he would tell me. But no, he wants to marry a girl who wont even talk to him. I really dont think he is ever going to change. Even though he said that if there was a magic button he could push that would make him love me; he would push it and make all my dreams come true. He says he wants me to be happy with a guy who is crazy about me. Well the only one that can make that can make that happen is him. So it looks like I lose. If he loves me half as much as I love him; I know that he will always want her. I on the other hand have made my life's choice. Even though he thinks I am just saying that now. Newsflash: He isnt flavor of the week for me. He is my forever choice....

[muppet]

Hey Carrie,
I'm sorry that things aren't as you want them to be in your life right now. I really don't have anything to say -- no words or comfort or encouragement -- because I know these relationships can be very complicated. I guess I wouldn't make a very good 'Dear Abby'. It's hard for me to comment, when I don't know the whole story. So, I don't want to say anything about it other than I wish you the best of luck.
But, I do want to comment on how proud I am of you, and your commitment to yourself. You've shown how you can't let anything be an excuse to slip up, or to ease up on yourself. I think that's so admirable. Way to go Carrie!
Carol