Hi everyone,
I think the question of the day is how many times can one person possibly stand to continually bang their head against a wall; despite knowing that it isnt working. That folks is what I have been doing for a very long time. I consider my weight loss journey like the ocean. Day after day it bangs away at the rocky shore in attempts to reshape it. One way or another, the ocean will find a way to the shore. It comes at it from not one, not two but zillions of directions and varying speed and force. Results arent immediate; but over a period of time that rock is changed. I think the extended plateau finally made me realize that I needed some tweeking. So...two days ago I registered at L.A. Weight Loss Centers. I just cant do it alone anymore. Maybe they are going to see something that I dont. The program so far seems doable; I officially begin tomorrow. I dont know if they were trying to "sell" me; but they said I looked athletic and asked if I played sports and that it looked like I had a lot of muscle. I think my jaw hit the rug...At least somebody can see the muscle that I have hiding, and that I am not obese. Last night I had my hair flat ironed and once again I am face to face with that beautiful stranger looking back at me. That reflection truly is not mine. I went back today for my second visit at LA and I got up the courage to show them my CDL picture; the one where I look so blown up and unrecognizeable as a human. The reaction I got said it all...I think I could see the color drain from this woman's face. She was in complete shock; at a loss for words and it
wasnt an act. Everyone else has just accepted that the cow in that picture is the one standing before them. The only time (recently) that I might have raised an eyebrow was airport security guard looked at it a little longer than he normally might have. In the end, he let me pass unquestioned. I have more to share about this experience; but I will let it go for now.
Yesterday I brought home my latest "addition." He is a Parakeet named, "Ace." He is cute like Mr. Young! However, he is a monster. I had him set aside until I could get the cash together; and for some reason I think the staff may have switched my bird with another. I know somebody else liked the same one I did (staff member), and the head manager was off for two days for a meeting. And my bird doesnt have the confetti spot markings on his head. Maybe it was dust; I dont know. In the store; the birds only nibble at you...this one tried to chomp at me the other day and it hurt like hell. He loves his cage and doesnt want to come out. He did try to take a tour of the livingroom as far as his clipped wings would take him. He scared the stuffing out of Snoopy. I am determined to make this work. He did calm down some yesterday and sat on my finger while I checked my email. Then he got fidgety and landed on my keyboard where he decided that it would make a good birdie toilet. Amen he isnt a Parrot. He is not a morning bird, but he is chirping a lot now.
Well I am getting ready to go out. Yes it is with "my guy." I have no idea what to expect. I have the slightest feeling he really doesnt want to see me. He says we can do something because it is my birthday. I gave him the chance to get out of it and he didnt take it. I am going to hold my tongue tonight. Wonder if he will comment on my appearance. Aside from my tummy area; I am really happy. Keeping my fingers crossed everything goes ok. I hope he is also in shock by the stranger that will be knocking on his door this evening. I am truly not myself this evening; I could pass for a knockout (sans the stomach area). (Wow my hair got long! It is down to my rear end!!)
Taylor dropped the gloves last night. Katherine didnt even make good competition. She was awful...A bump on a log would have made a stronger opponant. It is obvious all the "Idols" want Taylor to win. Saw everyone in the audience but where was Ace Young and Kevin Covais? I saw Ace's brother with the Daughtry's.
Well I have to get moving. I have more (a lot more to say), but I have to go finish getting dressed. Thank you all for the birthday wishes. It means a lot. Though I havent been posting; I have been here keeping up. I agree with Carol when she said that sometimes you just have to step away. I needed the time to take a good long hard look at myself and that isnt always pleasant; but very necessary. You cant go through life with blinders on; and that is what I was doing. (Ignoring the obvious).
Have a good night all and VOTE FOR TAYLOR!
I am jumping on the "Soul Patrol Bandwagon!"
AI Encore performances cd was released today. All unedited performances.
~Carrie
CW: 148 lbs--Oct 11/08
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