Well I have to say that this Valentine's Day had all the makings of a disaster. I am single, still heavy, and this holiday is heavily associated with food. I have decided that the way to deal with my problems is NOT through food, or crying. Had I binged today, I would have felt worse tomorrow and sent myself into a tailspin that I dont think I would have recovered from. I realized that I had a choice. A choice to do the right thing, or the very wrong thing that I have done so many times before. So I took my afternoon nap until 4pm, then got up and walk/ran 6 miles at the Bike and Hike Trail. But even better than the 6 miles was that I did it in 1.5 hours. Assuming my calculations are correct. The best I had ever done before was 1:45. Not too shabby. How could I be upset I didnt get flowers when I shaved a 15 min off my time? The answer is, I cant. The days of my drowning my sorrows in pizza are over. I want strong muscled thighs and legs, not pizza thighs and a horrible complexion. Besides, carbs (the bad kind) make me very cranky and beat up my digestive system. Not worth it. Ok so time on the trail is now "me" time. Oddly enough, once I got going I didnt really have time to think about the things that have been bothering me. I just followed the trail and the music in my ears. I need to decrease the amount of stress in my life and this is a great way to do it. I did forget however, how much harder it is to run outside vs the treadmill. The treadmill gives, and you can bounce off it. It also keeps a steady pace. Outside, the ground seems to pull the energy out of you and so you tire early. I need to learn how to pace myself so I can run longer. I guess this will come with practice. Although these days I am thankful for how far I have come. It wasnt so long ago that walking down the hallway and up a flight of stairs had me winded. April 13, 2003 was the day I first decided to change my life. But it doesnt really count because I had a lot of speedbumps. At one point I had gained back 28 pounds and I almost gave up and figured I was ment to be fat for life. There is no point in dwelling on the past because it is the past. I am not going to look there unless it is to see how far I have come. I should also put in a disclaimer here...I am writing this journal as if it were not being read by others. It is extremely personal to me, and completely honest. The only way I am going to get to my fitness finish line is to be 100% honest. If I lie or cheat, I am only hurting myself. I have finally learned to be accountable. I control my destiny, nobody else. I also hope (when all is said and done), to write a book about my experiences before and after. I am not out to make the almighty dollar; I want to show people that there is a way out. It is never too late to start to change your life.
And as I crossed the 6 mile finish line with the sounds of Duran Duran in my ears, my legs were not my own; but those of an athlete.
"Through the wind and the rain,
Through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when waves ever high
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul
I will hold on all night and never let go
Every second I live that's the promise I'll make
That's what I'll give
If that's what it takes..."
(Celine Dion)
Keep up all the great work guys. Everyday you make a good choice, you are one step closer to a new you. Be proud of yourselves. Thank you for all your positive feedback. Remember, as you have been there for me, I am also there for you.
Love,
~Carrie
Good Job!
So Long Valentine's Day Grinch
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