It's Time For A New Life

[Patty_Ann]

Carrie...I have been out of the loop for awhile. Sorry that I haven't been keeping up with ya the past few days...I've been really busy with Ken's birthday party this weekend, school, school, and school. I have been so busy this past week that I just now realized that I haven't been in here. I'm happy to see that you got over the hump - sounds like you are doing really good. It is okay if you have a few days without exercising...you have been busting butt long enough it's not going to hurt ya any. I'm sure you'll get to your goal weight - you are doing it GIRLIE! I have been thinking a lot about changing my eating again...I don't really eat many microwave dinners...I definitely need to start up on my chicken salads again. It is tough when you don't have groceries in the house to eat healthy...hard to snack through the day, too. Well...I just wanted to let you know that you are still an inspiration to me! Keep it up!

[Trying4Thin]

OOOOOHHHH today was a bad day foodwise. I had the early shift this morning. Then around 9am I tried to leave my bus to go and get a Weight Watcher's Yogurt since I was starving at that point. I am not going to discuss mechanics here but the bus kept locking me in when I tried to shut it down. So I couldnt eat. After work I had to write an incident report, and then head right to the car dealership. Whoever I had spoken to on the phone gave me all kinds of wrong info. The price to reset the security on my cd player and the time it would take to fix the recall on my car. I would have rented a car for a day on a 1 hour job!! So, I got to the dealer at about 1230 and left about 230pm. By the time I got home it was closing in on 3pm. I hadnt eaten since 8pm the previous day. I didnt dare go near the vending machines at the dealership. Soooo, I have no food in the house and most likely wont until I get paid Friday. So I ate Lentil soup and a whole lotta Special K with Protein Plus. Then I passed out. When I woke up I had a little more cereal and some Cambell's Chicken Noodle Soup. The weather outside has been dreary and rainy all day so it felt right. But I am sure my sodium intake is going to be through the roof. And that isnt going to help matters much. Then again; I could've stopped at the drive thru on the way home and loaded up ten ways til Tuesday; but I didnt so I know I am coming out ahead fatwise and caloriewise. Tomorrow will be better. Right now I am just trying to keep it alltogether. I am feeling really depressed; but my diet will not suffer because of it. Been there; done that one time too many. Depression eating has kept me from my goals long enough. I know it isnt right to be sad all the time; but it is in it's place. I wont allow it to spill over into other areas of my life. But I am still getting comments from people at work telling me to smile; and I just want to punch them. Maybe if I get promoted to Full Time I will find the energy to smile at work again. Then again if I walked around with a Cheshire Cat grin on my face all the time people would think I was a freak. Well then again; if I got to my goal weight nothing they could say or do would be able to wipe my smile from my face. Of course they would only see it for 2 weeks because I would put in my notice that fast. I am a woman with a plan and beyond the depressed looking outside of me; I am smiling (laughing on the inside even), because I know something they dont. They will never see it coming.
Well the "stuff" is going to hit the fan in the second part of "Grey's Anatomy" tonight. I cant wait!! Too bad it is the season finale.

Take care & be well,
~Carrie

[mifsit]

I haven't seen greys anatomy but I hope they don't end the season on a cliff hanger for you. I really hate how they do that these days. Battlestar Galatica, Lost, etc etc all ending with so much still to be told yet by the time the next series comes round I've got bored and moved onto something else.

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone,

Well I think it is pretty safe to say that I am completely disgusted with myself. I havent worked out in a while; but my eating has changed and my weight is back in the 160's. I just cant friggen win no matter what I do. I guess I am going to have to learn how to like being fat and alone. I thought I would see a drop after cutting out Diet Pepsi and frozen dinners. Guess not. So much for having a good birthday this year. I really thought I got it right this time. I have been ping ponging since January. Enough is enough already. I was really hoping to look good for next Weds but what is the point when I have a gutt feeling "my guy" wont call and I will be alone anyway? I wish my feelings would just go away, but they wont. They are stronger than ever. All I wanted was somebody to spend my birthday with. And somebody to love me. I guess I am being completely unreasonable asking for that.

[mifsit]

Carrie I appreciate you are in a dark place right now, but if you give in now you will loose everything you have fought so hard to acheive. Please stop trying to make yourself look good for "your guy", instead do it for yourself. If your body has got used to burning x number of calories then to stop doing your workouts will result in weight gain unless you cut out the calories you would have burned in the 1st place. You are going to be a great fitness instructor one day.

The other thing is I think by focusing your attention on one guy you are seriously missing out on the really nice guys out there who won't care if you are carrying a few extra pound. A real man should love you for who you are and not what you look like. It is not unreasonable to want to feel loved.

I'm really sorry if anything I have said seems a bit harsh but remember we all care a great deal about you.

[amandads]

Remember we must first love and please ourselves in order to be happy.

[susieokla]

Carrie-I hope you're feeling better. I know it's hard not to get down about things when they're not going the way you would wish but just remember you can't control other people, you can only control yourself and your actions.

Don't get down on yourself because you may not be with him for your birthday. Celebrate for yourself. Think back to your birthday last year and where you were then and how far you've come physically. You have dropped alot of weight and even though you have a little ways to go what you've done so far is a big accomplishment that other people are still struggling to do.

I wish we lived closer to each other I would throw you a big birthday party and I would invite all the people on this board that care about you. Hang in there, k???

[Missy]

Carrie..I'm sorry you are feeling down. I'm also sorry if this sounds harsh. I don't want to be mean and I'm not trying to be..I just think you are hurting yourself. My bf had a girl who was interested in him and obsessed and tried to do everything she could to get his attention. He found her annoying and tried whatever he could to get away from her. I'm not saying you are like this..but it could be a factor. If he has already flat out told you he's not interested..why continue to dwell on something that will never happen? I know you love him and I know it's hurtful to think of yourself without him...but you can't force someone to be with you.

You have got to stop thinking it has something to do with the way you look...maybe he just isn't interested. It could have nothing to do with what you look like. And if it does...he is not worth the **** on the bottom of your shoe.

Maybe he's not interested because of your negetive attitude and the way you put yourself down...or the way you are obsessed with your looks. Again, I don't know the guy and I don't know the situation....

I really wish you would get him out of your life and stop causing so much stress for yourself. Hearing some of the things you say in your posts scares me...it seems like even if you were at your goal weight you still wouldn't be happy. You have to fix the pain from the inside out and stop letting negetive people into your life.

I hope you feel better soon *hugs*...again, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings by my post, I just wanted to give a new angle on things.

[Trying4Thin]

I am going to be taking a break from this forum for a while. I need to clear my head; and reasess my priorities. Best of luck to all of you.

"That which doesn't kill us; reshapes us into the people that we ultimately desire to become."


~Carrie

[muppet]

It's good to take a little time off. We're here for you, whenever you're ready to come back. You know that you're a special, smart, strong and compassionate woman, whether you lose weight or not. I know this can consume our lives. You have to be vigilant. You can't let up. But please don't let it take over everything and completely consume who you are. We are all more than our weight. We are more than 'diet and exercise'. Please don't let this take the joy out of life. I believe we can all do this, and life happier healthier lives, without constantly beating ourselves up, if we've been 'bad'. Life is good. Life is meant to be enjoyed. We have to do what we have to do , to be healthy. But we can't be so rigid that we miss out on all the beautiful, wonderful things in life. Don't let anything, or anyone take that beauty away.
We'll miss you!!!