It's Time For A New Life

[Missy]

It's so good to hear you talking positive again. I am extremely proud of you.

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone!

Oh man am I exhausted. Flying takes a heck of a lot out of you. Personally I dont know why I am complaining. The flight was only an hour and a half, but it still takes a toll on my system. Going home was nice, although it did have some tense moments. I do have my head on at least partially straight now. Tomorrow I am starting over again with a whole new set of habits. I am going to try and go to bed earlier, not nap in the afternoon, and not wait until late to begin exercising. Maybe with all that, my weight loss will speed up a little more and I will actually be able to sleep through the night. I am also not going to call "my guy" unless he contacts me first. I have realized that he is most likely never going to love me (his loss) the way that I deserve and want to be loved by him, but I am going to keep on trying. However, he wont be top priority in my life anymore. I am hoping that the next time we lock eyes, he will be the one stammering for words. In other words; it's all good. Top priority right now is 1) Getting out of my hell hole aka: my current job 2) Reclaiming my body and old personality. I have discovered that I am still lashing out and being nasty to people when I feel depressed or threatened. That should not be happening. But what do I expect after 12+ years of rejection and being fat? I just have to re-evlauate and recalculate my defense mechanisms. I dont always need to have the claws out. I soooo do not want to go to work tomorrow. But if I call off, they will become suspicious. I cant give them a reason to trash me to other potential employers. They may have already. So, I will go to work, drive my route, and go home. When it comes to management, they will get nothing more out of me. The gym, my journal, and my lifestyle plan will get the majority of my time and attention. They have made their position clear, and now it is time to make mine equally as clear. I COME FIRST! My arms are still killing me from Thursday. My legs have recovered much faster. I shudder to think how sore they would be if I hadnt been cranking on them for so long. But, it did feel good to start lifting again. I also got some more exercise clothes while I was away (all medium pants.) I think I am going to go and break in my new running shoes and orthotics tomorrow after work. The first pair I tried didnt end up working and I went ballistic. I really hope these can make the pain stop. I dont want to go to a doctor. They better. My parents made me run through a busy mall and I was afraid somebody was going to yell at me for running around people. Ok well I am zonked and this entry is all over the place. Have a good holiday and I will see ya later!

~Carrie

[susieokla]

Carrie!!!! I missed you!!

I'm glad you got to get away and go to your parents house and I'm so happy to see that you've got a positive attitude and are feeling better.

I'll send a longer reply later when I've got more time.

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone!
I am going to apologize for this entry before I even write it because I am soooo incredibly tired I can barely see straight. I was told that I shouldnt be napping in the afternoon and it is screwing up my weight loss efforts and sabotaging my night's sleep. So I am doing anything and everything to stay awake until 9pm tonight. I started my metabolism pills this morning. I am on half doses for most of the week so my body can get used to it. I did feel a little googly this morning until I ate. After that, no drowsiness, or hunger. I only had 90 cals for breakfast. I went to work kinda unprepared. I had a snack sized can of fruit. Was good. Lunch was strangely good. I gave fish another chance...and I liked it!! I had the Lean Cuisine Baked Fish with Broccoli and Cheese. (230 calories). It was a little fishy tasting so I dumped spicy mustard on it. It had the consistency of Chicken Parmigana, so I had no problem digesting it. And with that I had a can of Sprite Zero. Because the pills I am on contain a high concentration of caffeine; I am banning caffinated drinks for 8 weeks. If I dont, I will never sleep. I cant believe I ate fish and didnt gag...I guess there really are miracles in this life. I think I am going to buy more this afternoon when I go out. My hunger is gone, so I have no idea how I am going to snarf down my 880 remaining calories. Should be an adventure. I am going to try and get to the track today and break in my new shoes. I am eager to see if they can keep my feet from cranking. If they dont work, I will just bike instead. But the weather is sooooo nice out. I dont want to stay inside anymore than I have to. Well the screen is making me sleepy, so I am going to continue reading Diane Mott Davidson's latest Goldy Bear Culinary Murder Mystery, "Dark Torte." I should be good for a few chapters...then to the track before it's lights out.

~Carrie

[muppet]

They ( whoever 'they' is) do say that getting enough sleep is key to successful weight loss. I believe it too. When I have a bad night, and am super tired, I know I over-eat -- probably looking for energy, hoping that food will give me what I need.
I also know that I don't get enough sleep on a regular basis. But I never nap. If I nap, then I will be up all night, and so tired the next day!
I can't believe you have a hard time getting enough calories a day! Well, I guess I believe it, but it's just hard for me to imagine! I could eat a whole day's worth before noon, if I'm not careful! No danger of me not eating enough!! Never!!

[Trying4Thin]

As far as I am concerned, there was never a pizza or cheeseburger that I couldnt (or wouldnt) scarf down. In the end, I had to decide which I wanted more...1) to run again 2) to be healthy 3) to wear cute clothes and a bikini. After a lot of soul searching, the choice was obvious. Food only tastes good in your mouth. After that, it does nothing but cause physical and emotional pain. I think the new pills I started today had something to do with my feeling full. However, I should have spaced out my meals better (and eaten more at breakfast) so I wouldnt have to cram the remaining calories into an hour. I used to eat until I wanted to throw up. Now, in a weird sort of way, my stomach kinda misses being stuffed. I have to re-teach it to be satisfied with smaller portions. I am really curious to see how much fat I can blast in the 8 weeks I am on these pills. I did make it outside today. The shoes werent bad, but my feet kept slipping on the orthodics. I still had pain, but I could bend my foot without having to drag it, or feel like I was walking flat footed. Bottom line, the pain was nothing compared to what I was used to experiencing. This pain I can work through and not be miserable. I did run some while making my way around campus today too. My next goal is to increase my running endurance for outdoors. I hope to really be going a few miles straight by the end of the summer. Then of course, I still have to train for "my Everest challenge." I got another unsolicited compliment at work today about how great I look. Guess it must be true or people wouldnt bother to bring it up. Well they aint seen nothing yet!!

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone!


Well I am "tired typing" again. I have to stay awake until 9pm tonight. I did make it to 9:30pm last night, and it wasnt so bad. If I can get through the early to mid afternoon, I got it made. Plus, American Idol is on tonight.
Anyhoo...something else I learned today. Always look your best, even if you are going to the grocery store to buy toilet paper. I was at the point where I needed to do laundry again. Didnt I just do some?? And so I was forced to wear my old way too huge pants to work, and I was semi floating in my shirt. I had no makeup on either. But my hair was pulled back and presentable. I had to drop off some passengers across from campus. After I stopped, I saw a guy ready to walk out in front of my bus. He looked really familiar. Then I remembered that he was a driver from my old company. Needless to say, my eyes bugged out. I saw he recognized me too and he walked right over. He seemed happy to see me. I think he would have taken a lap with me, but I was going over the county border and he was on his way to class. (Master's Program). I felt like such a slob!! By the way, did I mention that he looked cuuuuuute? I think we both wanted to talk and catch up, but I had passengers on board, and a line of traffic behind me. Well maybe I will bump into him again and we can shmooze. Lesson here? Always leave the house looking hot! Then you know you will feel confident, and look the part, no matter who you bump into. Needless to say, I had a smile on my face for the rest of my shift!
I think I am going to bike today, but I am not sure. The weather is awesome outside and will stay that way til Friday. Then more storms. As long as I get my exercise and necessary calories in, it doesnt matter. My weight is starting to come down again. So all is right with the world.
Rod Stewart tonight on "Idol." I'm hoping they will unload either Kellie or Katherine. I still enjoy looking at Ace, but listening to him is downright painful. AOL's poll has this as the top to bottom order: Katherine, Kellie, Chris, Taylor, Eliott, Ace, and Paris. Guess anything can happen. I will be tuning in....Hope you will as well. If you miss it, I will have a Post Idol Report. (As usual).
Have a great day!

~Carrie

[susieokla]

Hey Carrie!!

I bet you still looked cute today when you ran into Mr. Cutie. Maybe next time you drive through that way you'll see him again and have more time to chat.

I'm so glad to see you back on the board. It just wasn't the same without you. And I'm glad you're feeling much better about things.

I didn't know Rod Stewart was going to be on Idol tonight. That's so cool. I can't wait to watch it. I missed the results show last week when Bucky got the boot. I'm not sure who I want to go this time. I really don't have a favorite this time.

[Trying4Thin]

Extra Extra!

Little TomKat Cruise is finally here!
Her name is Suri, according to the article I read. So can we now all move on with our lives?? The 80's hottie is really starting to get on my nerves with all his craziness. Heard a really good rumor about him this morning while I was checking out my bus. I am NOT going to repeat it because it was really nauseating. I just dont want to hear the name Tom Cruise again for a really really long time!

Well it is just about time to watch Idol again. Too bad I cant do it with a steaming slice of pizza in hand. Actually I had a Lean Cuisine Margherita Pizza earlier. Those things are downright dangerous. Thanks to Giant Eagle for putting them on the top shelf of the freezer where I can only reach 1-2 at a time. Dreading the cardio tonight. I just want to take a nap! Then again how can I be sleepy when Tuesday night is hot guy night?? (Paging Dr. House!) I think I just got my second wind.

In answer to your statement Susie, I doubt I will bump into this guy again. It was a huge coincidence. I thought about giving him my email address right before he took off, but I felt really weird about it. If I didnt have passengers on and a load of traffic piling up behind me, I might have mentioned it. Strange things happen when you least expect them to.

Anyway, Chris just took the stage....Wow....This guy just had his official Idol moment. Damn I am crying!

[helena]

You sound so much happier!!! like i said before it is so great you are back!!!
I heard the news this morning that Tom and Katie have had the baby!!
he has been getting on my nerves big time!! i think he is having a mid life crisis, and unfortunatley for us he is doing it in public!! Great news that they have a baby now though!!!
You are really motivating me to get off my backside and start exercising!!!!
hopefully in the next few weeks i will be working, i will have to ride my bike to and from work which is a 20 mile round trip!!! lets just hope i get the Job!!