It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

I am sitting here in total shock right now. Why? I just finished watching BL Couples Week 6. All I can say is; "Game on!" Will have the write up done hopefully tomorrow.

[Trying4Thin]

Just a quick update. I am about halfway through the episode's note taking process. These take forever because I am trying to keep in as many details as possible. Will continue scribbling when I get home later tonight.

[Trying4Thin]

Still wading through all the drama in this past week's episode. I am annoyed it's taken this long. This 2 hour format is killer. So much to write and I don't want to leave things out. Please bear with me. It has been another weird week. Starting with ME outsmarting the mechanics. One tried to tell me there was nothing wrong with my vehicle after a test drive. I had written up something the night before. The driver after me wrote nothing on his sheet. So when I was assigned the vehicle the following day I wrote it up again. Near the end of my shift; it got worse and I almost lost my brakes. I called in and requested a new vehicle. If I tell you something is wrong; there is usually a problem.



I later found out the bearings were FRIED. That could have been serious had I not called in.


So glad I was passed up a 4th time for Supervisor.

[Trying4Thin]

I havent spoken or written to Eric since January 14th. It hurts a lot. Yesterday was his 38th birthday. So I decided to send a 5 word email. "Happy Birthday Eric. Missing you." I figured I wouldn't contact him again until I was at my goal weight...120-125.

Yesterday afternoon I actually got an email back. Not a 2 sentence one either. He thanked me twice for the birthday wish. And sent an early one to me since he still isn't exactly sure when mine is. Hurtful; but at least there was some effort there. He wanted to know how the driving was with the snow and what I am into these days. Then he mentioned he was thinking about moving and that he had somewhere in mind. He hoped it worked out. I have no idea why he told me that. Maybe it was a kick in the butt to get moving. Either way I am not sitting around to find out. I dont know why he even answered me. Part of me thinks that he isn't ready to give up. But he'd never admit it. Just like he said that he doesn't care either way if something happens or not. He doesn't think about it. Sure ya don't. He admitted that he'd thought about asking me out before. So now I am on borrowed time and I am ready to kick it. Have started lifting again and I am gearing up for the cardio as well. Already down a few. He will see me thin. I think this is all just an excuse so he doesn't get hurt. If he didn't care he wouldn't have even acknowledged my email.

[Trying4Thin]

I started out today with a 50 mile bike goal and so far I have traveled 31.1 miles in 1 hour 7 mins and 40 seconds. Lousy if I were looking at my previous workouts. But for somebody who hasn't done any cardio in months; I am very pleased with myself. Now I just have to sweat through 18.9 more miles to get the full 50. Will do that later. Also have to rip on my upper body. Not really worried about lower body as much because most of my cardio is lower body based. But when this is all said and done; I want a set of cut arms. I even made a makeshift rowing machine/cable machine in my bedroom. Oh it is great for those Lat muscles. The Lat machine and the Butt Blaster were my two favorites when I was at the women's gym way back.

[Trying4Thin]

Did 19.5 miles in 45 mins. So I biked a total of 50.6 miles today in 1 hour 52 mins and 40 seconds. Not too shabby; but man do my glutes hurt!

[Trying4Thin]

Still really sore; but I just got done cranking out 24.5 miles in 50 mins. Just gotta do arms when I come home from work tonight. Not looking forward to it; but it's gotta be done.

[Trying4Thin]

I hate my scale and I am really depressed right now. I have to get this weight off now or my life is essentially over. Eric is thinking about moving and already has somewhere in mind. I have to get back to who I was before he leaves; if and when that is. Or I will always be left wondering if things ever could have worked out between us. He never really got to see the real me because I was always too scared and insecure. Maybe bits and pieces; but never for long enough to make an educated decision.

I am still not sure why he mentioned it in the first place. I am hoping it was a final attempt on his part to light a fire under my ass. I still feel like there is hope but I need this weight to move. I have been busting tail and I am really frustrated.

[Trying4Thin]

I hate my scale. Totally overhauled my eating habits and I am not getting anywhere. It's almost like what's the point in trying? But that kind of damaging thinking is what got me back here in the first place so I am going to learn from my mistakes and keep pushing forwards.

Week 8's update will be up tonight. Certain things kept me from the last 2 weeks of recaps but have been since taken care of. So now it is business as usual.

[Trying4Thin]

Still not having any luck with the scale. It's depressing the heck out of me. And still no word from Eric. What's the point of asking how I am doing if he isn't even going to answer?? All I want to do is run over to his house and give him a huge hug. But I can't. I really miss him.

Dropped my high school yearbook on my right foot today and it really hurts. Hopefully it will have passed by tomorrow.

Other than that; nothing to report. I talked to Armand about my being frustrated. It just really peeves me off that I was 25 pounds from my goal weight and I found a way to blow it. I could have had everything I wanted if I had just stayed on plan. Now I am stuck in the 190's and can't get out. Yeah I get it; I learned my lesson. I am so sick of being miserable.