It's Time For A New Life

[muppet]

The rice cake/ pesto thing sounds mighty interesting. I'll have to give it a try!

[Trying4Thin]

Back to 159.4 today. I guess I will take it. It isnt the 160's..But I swear I look like I am in the 140's (when I am standing at least.)

Carol the Pesto sauce is made by Torino and I found it at Giant Eagle a while back. Nutritional info can be found at 1-800-44PASTA

Still no credit card usage and the money has come out of my bank account. I have half a mind to call them again screaming my head off. It shouldnt take this long to "Post." According to the website; it has already posted. Finally got my friggen credit line back. Had to conference call with my bank. What's that saying?? The sqeaky wheel gets the grease? You get the idea.

Still more rain...I am depressed again. The past few days have been incredible and I want them back. But I guess the grass needs a drink too.

Methinks Chris R will be booted off tonight. It also seems that they are suddenly backing Phil and kicking LaKisha to the curb. I LOVE Melinda and Jordin; but I think Jordin will take the Idol title.

Off to shower and hit the bank.

[Trying4Thin]

Today was good. Finally able to take care of that EBay/Credit card mess. I love retail therapy. It is so much more fun than food.

Ok so I was sitting in the switch vehicle when I got an email notification from Eric. My phone wont show the whole message; just the first few words. A few minutes later; an acoustic version of Elliot Yamin's new song; "Wait For You" came on the radio. Eric is a huge Elliot fan so I thought I would call him so he could listen to it. I called and spoke really fast because I didnt want him to miss the song and because my bus was due any second. He was laughing at me because I was yelling at him..."What are you doing on the phone talking to me? Get to the radio!! 104.1 Gotta go..BYE!" I hope he heard it in time. The acoustic version had to be a special studio performance because it isnt on the album. Fast forward to me getting home from work. I opened my email and saw the rest of his message. Just a little blurb about how he was happy things were going well for me and he hoped I had fun at work. He was going out to dinner with family to celebrate his mother's bday. Then came two words I NEVER thought I would ever see again.."Miss you." Two little words; that mean so incredibly much. I'm not kidding; I almost fainted. #1 from shock #2 I kinda didnt eat much again today either) I'm not doing it on purpose; I've just been really distracted as of late. I am never going to get any sleep tonight because I am so keyed up right now.

[Trying4Thin]

I cant explain it but for the past few days I have felt really blah. The only things that have really changed are my eating habits and the new meds I am on. I just feel off. I get easily distracted and sometimes totally forget about eating and then wonder why I am hungry later on. As for the meds; I guess they will take some getting used to.

Scale is down again to 158.5 hehe! 25.5 left before I will allow myself to see Eric again. I'm getting there; slowly but surely.

Tracey I havent forgotten about you and your song list. I have just been a little out of it the past few days.

[nahum1_7]

Take your time

There is alot going on in my life right now, when I am able to put it all down I will. I have to Praise God because through enormous grief He showed me that he is still working, still in the prayer answering and miracle making buisiness.

God bless you Carrie!

[Trying4Thin]

157.8!!

Words cannot even begin to describe how great that number looked this morning. Still got quite a ways to go; but I am going to get there. Less than 18 pounds before I crack the 130's and pardon the expression; but I can almost taste them. I dont know what the deal is; but I only get the munchies maybe once a day and it is usually when I come home from work. Thank G-d for No Salt Rice Cakes and Pesto. HOWEVER...I found a similar product and the cals ranged from the mid 150's to the 200 range. Finally bought one that managed to have only 40 cals per serving. Tasted different; but it packed a spicy kick to it.

[Trying4Thin]

Things are going ok today; but I am feeling like a couch potato. Things are starting to look up for me. But I am still wrestling with the; "miss you" comment. A little over two weeks ago I was told he didnt think we had a chance and now all of a sudden things are somehow different. Last Tuesday night I called him for about 8 mins and I was doing most of the talking but it felt like it used to when we first met. Just talking like friends about general stuff. It felt great to laugh with him about things we used to talk about instead of going round and round over the same stupid arguement. I had no idea (at the time) that he had written that he missed me when I called on Weds to tell him about the song on the radio only a few seconds later. I could actually hear excitement in his voice when I said the song was on. I think he is going to feel a lot better about the possibility of an "us" when he realizes that I am not going to bring it up anymore. The more I bring it up; the less my chances are to be with him as both a friend and/or more. But I soooo wanted to ask why he said he missed me; just out of the blue. I kid you not; I almost fell off my chair. If there truly were zero possibilities for us; he wouldnt talk to/or email me period. I am back to my old self (personality speaking). Everyone else sees the inner and outter beauty in me and soon he will too. I honestly believe he has seen it there all the time; but my way of going about things between us was just so overpowering and wrong that it killed the possibility of what could be between us. I know I am rambling; but I need to work this out in my head. Since I do well with words; this is how I problem solve. So I am going to step back and let G-d work this out for the best while I work on me. Personally I think he has been the glue to keep us in each others lives; because if we had been on our own...we'd have been permanently seperated long ago. But that is just me. I really want to know what will happen to us now that the real "Carrie" is back for good and the 12 years of hurt, emotional baggage etc that have kept me from the life I have always dreamed of; have gone away? I think Eric and I will continue to be friends and become closer. With G-d's help; anything is possible...F.R.O.G and D.O.G

Enough with the sentimental stuff. I allowed myself a treat today. I had a mini bag of Act II popcorn. It came with my "Skulls II" DVD. So I drooled over Nathan West and had some popcorn. Man it was good!! Thank gosh it was a mini bag or it could have gotten way out of hand. What a great way to treat myself. My credit card really messed up my flow this week and tomorrow it is back to work. Each day from now until May 26th is a chance to burn off fat and calories.

BTHW: If anyone likes vanilla frosting I have a solution. Since I dont have allow myself dessert anymore...I discovered Bodycology's "Vanilla Buttercream lotion" at WalMart. All the sinful smell and none of the fat and calories. My passengers love it (I let them try it) and so does one of my managers. So if you are jonesing for a dessert; THIS IS IT!! But I have to remind myself that I cant lick my arm. (hehe) They have other flavors as well but this is just heaven in a tube.

[Trying4Thin]

I Got Josh Groban tickets!!
The show is in Manchester, NH 07/27/07 @ The Verizon Wireless Center!!!

All good things will come in due time...

[Trying4Thin]

I did zip, zero, nothing, nada, zilch this weekend. I am not at all proud of myself. I even feel heavier because of it. I have also decided that I am not going to get on the scale until May 15th. Why that specific date? I havent the foggiest; but it just came to me suddenly while watching "Extreme Makeover Home Edition." So guess who has to get up at the crack of dawn to make up for all the laziness? Then again; sometimes it is just nice to be lazy.

Still agonizing over Eric's comment...if he misses me; why not call? I bet he's been busy because weekends are tight on time for him. Or maybe he isnt ready to just yet. I know a couple of "good" conversations wont win back his confidence; it's going to take a lot more than that. Once again; the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. But it still makes me antsy since that comment is so out of the blue. I cant remember the last time he said/wrote it. But it had to have been years ago. Then my imagination runs wild and makes me think the email was accidently sent to me. I dont know. I dont want to ask him about it and open up a can of worms that doesnt need to be opened. Guess I will have to wait for his next email. I can say that when I wrote him back Weds night; I held my tongue and didnt say that I missed him too. (He'd have to be stupid not to know that.) Instead I said that he really made me smile the other day (the complete truth). Maybe I am blowing this out of proportion and he really doesnt miss me. I overthink things too much and I hate that about myself. I need to quit; but he means the world to me. I know I cant control what and how he feels; but it is just so strange. Two weeks ago he didnt want me to be his gf (unless he wanted me to be) and now he misses me? Who would have guessed that 2 little words could have turned my weekend upside down. I keep checking the email to see if they are still there; or if I just imagined it all.

[Trying4Thin]

YouTube - American Idol Josh Groban on Idol Gives Back

For those of you who may have missed it. This is Josh and the African Children's Choir on "Idol Gives Back" Night. I am not ashamed to say I bawled my eyes out.