It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

If you look at each of your posts (top right corner); there is a green dot. Every member starts out with one and you work from there. Each dot is worth so many points. Mine were somewhere in the high 60's I think. You can check your reputation points in the User CP section. (Where you change your avatar, signature etc). You can be awarded points by other members, administrators, and moderators for good advice, comments etc. But they can also be taken away. I did see somebody once with negative points. They didnt last long here. Hope that helps!

[Missy]

You are not the only one noticing weird things with reputation points. Mine shows that people left me some, but they are greyed out? Not sure if that means they didn't count or what? People have left me reputation comments, but my points haven't even gone up, so it's not just you.

[Trying4Thin]

As far as the goings on within the site during the past few months; I am keeping my opinions to myself. And believe me; I have a lot to say.

[Trying4Thin]

I am not exactly sure what is going on here; because I was thinking my lucky streak would have quit by now; but I am now down to 160.3 pounds. 15.1 to go until I weigh what I was last October and 20.4 until I hit the 130's. 27.3 before I can see Eric and his parents. (That number seems like a mountain to climb) but I am going to keep chipping away at it. I am kinda looking forward to busting tail at the gym again today. But it is supposed to be another beautiful day and I feel guilty because I am not walking. So maybe I will put in 2 hard hours at the gym and then go bust out a few miles at the track and make an attempt to work on my "tan."

[Trying4Thin]

Ok so today didnt really go as planned. I got out later than I should have because I was engaging in retail therapy. You know; swap one addiction for another. I'd prefer to have a busy credit card rather than be fat for another day. Did some laundry and then went to the gym. I was pretty much the only female in there. Outlasted 2 guys on the elliptical by a long shot. I had a giant Cheshire Cat grin after they both quit and I was still going strong. I wanted to do another hour on the treadmill; but I felt really uncomfortable again. At one point; I saw something land 2 machines away from mine and I thought I was hallucinating. It was a blue ball about the size of a medicine ball. Not sure if somebody threw it or what. The entire front was empty and it lands near me? Come on guys...So I looked over and I was looking at guess who. I think I gave him a dirty look. Honestly I am not there to screw around. Before working out I had one of my 8 calorie Energy Drinks (havent had one in ages) and I have no idea what happenend; but my heart rate was on the high end of the scale for the entire hour. I burned 549 calories and 35% fat over 4.7 miles. Then I went to the trail and did a relaxing 4 mile hike and burned 433 calories and 60% fat. So I got the best of both worlds (1 hour of killer cardio and 1 hour and 23 mins of easy fat burning). I left the gym early because it was a freakin' sauna in there; and I really needed to switch up my second hour of cardio. All those days of nice weather that I blew because I was sitting around on my butt. Well no more. Trail was a lot less crowded today.

Can I just say how much I LOVE this 4C White Tea with Blueberry!! I gotta get more!! Adios to soda...

Breakfast:
1 Cherry yogurt
1 Orange Juice

Lunch:
2 Bumblebee Southwestern Chicken Breasts (double yummy!) But there are quite a few preservatives in them so I shouldnt have them everyday.
I think I had 2 No Salt Rice Cakes too

Dinner:
Spicy Thai Chili Tuna (Delish!!)
1 Cherry yogurt (Who needs dessert when you have this!!)
2 No Salt Rice Cakes

I am super stuffed right now! All the fluid I chugged this afternoon is helping. I dont want to go to work this week. I am burned out. I just want to go to the gym and to the trail. Put ME first for a change. That was the great thing about PT. If I wanted a week off; all I had to do was schedule it in advance. Now I have to wait until Dec 24th for my 2 weeks to become active. I could do SO MUCH damage in 2 weeks now that I am good and pumped up. I am terrified to start my new meds. I was told I wouldnt gain weight on them; but I am still nervous. Hormones do things to your body that sometimes arent what we want. Guess that is just another reason to work out even harder than before. I am tempted to have Armand do a fat test on me when I go home. I think the BMI scale is a bunch of hooey so I will just have another fat test instead. I am just so desperate to be myself again; but it's been so long I really dont know who "she" is anymore.

[Trying4Thin]

Omigod...159.2

[Missy]

I'm glad you're losing weight, but by the food you post it seems like you aren't eating enough. Sunday's food looks to be between 800-900 calories for the entire day. I'm just worried about you, please be careful. It doesn't look like you're getting any fruit or veggies at all and your protein seems really low. I just don't want to see you hurt yourself or gain it all back...just be careful. xoxo

[Trying4Thin]

I really dont know why I feel like emotional crap all of a sudden. Yes I do; who the hell do I think I am kidding? I miss Eric like crazy. I would do anything to see him again. I havent seen him since early Feb and that wasnt for too long. I have seen him once in the last like 9 months I think it's been. I just want my friend back. Nothing feels good to me anymore. It's my own fault we arent together and I know that. I wish I could take everything back; but I cant. I wish this ugly weight would just go for good so I could be ME again. I heard that if you are overweight and not feeling good about yourself; then you are difficult to get along with and you dont act right. I dont remember the exact quote but it is so true. I didnt act right and I shoved away the one person I ever truly loved and let close to me because I was scared, insecure and I hated what I had become. He was the only person I actually liked hugging me. I miss his smile and the conversations we used to have. I miss spending time together. I miss HIM.

[Trying4Thin]

I'm up a little today; but still in the 150's so I could care less. It's just water because I didnt overeat yesterday at all. I look smaller today anyhow. I'm more focused on my stupid credit card company. They have NO problem when my account is overdue (shutting it off asap); but when it is 100% paid off it takes up to 4 days to clear?? One person said I could use it Tues another said Weds and now I am not able to use it until possibly Friday?? Not to mention I was on hold for an hour this morning trying to talk to somebody before I hung up.

Still nothing from Eric and I am hurting. Maybe tomorrow.

Lost power last night for about 2 hours because of a storm. I missed most of the "Bachelor" but was able to watch the entire episode online today. I hope he picks Bevin. At least he weeded out a lot of the mean girls last night. I wish I had a guy in my life that was like that. (A true gentleman).

Another beautiful day here and yet another day I wish I could call off sick and go hiking. One month from today is my 32nd bday and I am looking at it with mixed feelings. I want to spend it with Eric; but unless G-d has a miracle planned; I wont. I will be working and he probably wont even call just to say Happy Birthday. I could dream about a romantic day at the beach; but that sounds more like a reality show pipe dream.

[Trying4Thin]

Ok so I had a huge case of the munchies when I came home after work. Now that I think about it; I really didnt eat that much today. So I had a No Salt Rice Cake with Sundried Tomato Pesto. OMIGOD this is the best snack EVER!! No calorie info on the back; so I guess it was good I only had a little of it. Didnt make the gym because I was on hold with the stupid credit card company all morning. I better be able to use my card tomorrow because I am sick of sending apology notes to EBay sellers. Plus I lost out on some good "Buy It Now" offers. One was for my XS Energy drink (5 cases).

Finally spoke to Eric today for about 7 mins. It was just a "fluff" conversation. Nothing that would get either of us upset. I know I have a long way to go before he trusts me again with his heart (if he ever will). But it was great to hear his voice again. What I wouldnt do to be with him...

I am soooo sleepy for some reason...I think I have just been wound up too tight for the past few days. But talking to Eric helped me to unwind some.