It's Time For A New Life - Page 130 - The Biggest Loser Fansite Forums

mifsit · #**1291** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 10:18 AM

just cos I'm married doesn't mean I'm not allowed to put a smile on your face. If you look anything like that now theres no wonder gym reception guy is giving you the eye.

Trying4Thin · #**1292** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 11:04 AM

Ok so I just realized that this post for me is #2,000...Good lord that is a ton of typing. So I had better make it a great one.

Carol, Patty Ann, and Phil...thanks for the comments on the '93 me. Yes it was a long time ago. I used to think I was fat back then. Not too long ago I was closing in on that weight (and I am much more physically stronger now). At a guess I was in the high 130's then; but I dont know. I guess posting that picture is motivation for me to get going for real and not just for a day or two. I dont have anything current. I happened to have that one saved in a Yahoo folder; so I used it. Maybe once I get to my goal weight I will feel comfortable putting my "worst" out there for all to see. It was no wonder I didnt/couldnt act like myself at 214 pounds; because that person wasnt ME. How can you act like yourself when you just get up one day and dont even recognize your own reflection because it's a stranger standing where you used to be? Just a blown up and very unhappy version of the girl I used to be. Nobody would find that at all attractive; I sure as heck didnt. Debating whether to get a scanner or a digital camera. Pros and cons to both.

Do I still look like that? Um well I dont know. When I look in the mirror at home I dont look that bad; even with the recent gaining. BUT then I get to the gym and the reflection seems to change. So I dont know. Guys look at me; but nobody will talk to me. That's ok, because I am there to beat myself up; not get hit on. But I am not in the gym 24/7. Honestly; I just keep to myself because I have decided that I have had enough getting hurt to last me the rest of my life. Eric once told me that even if he did like me like that; I never would have let him. Or something like that. In the very beginning I didnt. I couldnt even reach out to hold his hand unless he reached for mine first. My whole body would just freeze up in fear of rejection. Had I been secure with myself and Eric; I think I would have a drastically different life than I do right now. But I cant change things on Eric's end; I just have to wait for him to come around. It's just really difficult to recover when the love of your life isnt there with you. But I will survive somehow. "The thought of being with him tomorrow; keeps me going today."

Patty_Ann · #**1293** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 04:14 PM

Carrie...I must say that I used to feel the same way with my OWN husband. I have had reasons of being fearful of his rejection - has happened many times before. We, humans, always have fear of rejection but we must stand strong and accept it so that we can move on. I'm not saying that you need to accept it and move along - I'm just saying that you shouldn't beat yourself up for what happened between you and Eric in the past. You keep saying that you are not the same person you were back then but when you talk down on yourself maybe that is what he is seeing...he is seeing that you still do not love yourself for who you are. It is difficult not knowing who we are when we feel so down on ourselves...this is how I was before I started my journey. I started my journey to weight loss b/c I knew that in order for me to get where I wanted I had to LOVE & ACCEPT myself. You cannot get anywhere in life without the love and care for yourself. SMILE! Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I LOVE MYSELF...I CAN DO THIS." It will honestly make you feel better. Try not to be so negative on yourself - read what you say to others and say it to yourself.

YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON! LOVE YOURSELF GIRLIE! WE LOVE YA!

Patty_Ann · #**1294** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 04:14 PM

Carrie...I must say that I used to feel the same way with my OWN husband. I have had reasons of being fearful of his rejection - has happened many times before. We, humans, always have fear of rejection but we must stand strong and accept it so that we can move on. I'm not saying that you need to accept it and move along - I'm just saying that you shouldn't beat yourself up for what happened between you and Eric in the past. You keep saying that you are not the same person you were back then but when you talk down on yourself maybe that is what he is seeing...he is seeing that you still do not love yourself for who you are. It is difficult not knowing who we are when we feel so down on ourselves...this is how I was before I started my journey. I started my journey to weight loss b/c I knew that in order for me to get where I wanted I had to LOVE & ACCEPT myself. You cannot get anywhere in life without the love and care for yourself. SMILE! Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I LOVE MYSELF...I CAN DO THIS." It will honestly make you feel better. Try not to be so negative on yourself - read what you say to others and say it to yourself.

YOU ARE A GREAT PERSON! LOVE YOURSELF GIRLIE! WE LOVE YA!

Trying4Thin · #**1295** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 05:18 PM

Thanks

It's just really difficult when everyone is always telling me to give up on Eric. There are times I wish I could; but I just cant. They seem to think I have a choice. But in my mind I dont. I love him with all my heart and that is just how it is. I was really starting to like myself again and think positively (when I was 145 and I looked damn good); but then I saw a horrible number on the scale (again) and I wonder how I could have let myself go yet again. If the weather is good this week; I will be getting my new car. I thought Eric wanted to see it. He actually said he was really excited via email; but he never came out and said that he wanted to actually see it. Now I am relieved because I dont want him to see me like this. Because he would know that I wasnt happy. But an email or a phone call wouldnt kill him. I guess he is afraid I havent changed and he is keeping his distance. Cant say that I blame him. I have no choice but to get back on track, get to where I really look beautiful and feel 100% confident about myself and then see if we can get together sometime.

doriesmith · #**1296** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 05:43 PM

Ohhhhh Carrie....I'm a Josh fan too!!! I love those bad boys (ha ha, my hubby's a cop!). I also have a thing for Hugh Jackman. I'm also quite enamoured with Chris Daughtry (if you haven't all run out and bought his new cd, shame on you! It's AWESOME!!!)

Trying4Thin · #**1297** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 05:54 PM

Oh Dori you just opened the flood gates to Pandora's Box!

I am a huge Josh Grobanite! Saw him 2x in concert (Ohio and PA) and it was incredible. I have all his cds and videos too. Have you gotten "Awake" yet? Get the Special Edition with the extra songs. The only one you wont get is, "Smile." There is also a 6 min making of video. Do you have a favorite Josh song? I have many...Most of the new cd; "February Song", "Remember When It Rained", "Dont Give Up (You Are Loved)", "So She Dances", "Solo Por Ti", "Alla Luce Del Sol", "Oh Holy Night", and his version of "My December." But I cant get the last one on cd. =(

Was also a huge fan of Chris and feel that he was robbed on AI. Kathryn McFee should not have made the finals. Tried to get some Chris MP3's (AI performances) for my IPod; but I couldnt copy them. I did download "Daughtry" from ITunes. Have only heard the new song that is on the radio now. I love it. He will be one of the few Idols that isnt forgotten. Fantasia who? Reuben who??

Hugh Jackman; I havent seen much of his stuff. But they pick on him on the NBC show "Scrubs."

Missy · #**1298** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 10:19 PM

I just wanted to stop in and say that you are absolutely beautiful.

muppet · #**1299** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 10:41 PM

Ditto what Missy said.... We all knew you were beautiful on the inside, and now we can see that the outside matches!
I think we all understand about your feelings for Eric. I know you can't turn your feelings on and off like a faucet. But, you do need to live your life for YOU. Look forward, and see all that life has to offer YOU! If Eric wants to be a part of it, he will. If not, well, it's his loss. Just keep moving forward, and know that you are a sweet, compassionate person who is completely deserving of love and respect.

Trying4Thin · #**1300** (**permalink**) 12-10-2006, 10:42 PM

Thanks Missy...could you please pass that on to Eric?! J/K It means a lot.