It's Time For A New Life

[losethisweight]

Hey there Carrie,

I sure hope the interview went well I am sure it did... and as far as your falling of the wagon per say.... come on.. you can do it... you have been very supportive to me since my joining, you have made me feel very comfortable and have helped me feel positive about reaching my goals.. even just my little 10lb starting goal.. so if you can do this for me and many others.. just grab a mirror pretend it is not you.. and tell yourself.. I know you have it in you.. so come on... I need you back in this so you can kick my ars when needed..

Gloria

[losethisweight]

Oh hey i forgot to mention.. last night when we were chatting and I was about to watch BL... I ended up screaming at my TV...Adrian needs to go home to mommy and daddy... it was a joke... i cant believe they put up with that.. my 8yr which is the baby and he knows it.. doesnt act like that..and then the whole Eric and Marty thing... I am so P***ed.. you were so right when you said it was a good one last night...but does Marty look GOOD GOOD GOOD.. yup good.. LOL

[Trying4Thin]

I am very tired. And I am still turning down extra shifts (at least until the itchy scratchies go away for good.) Got a little overzealous on the Benedryl today and as I was walking around WalMart I felt loopy. Got to see one of my regulars today that I havent seen in a while due to my getting moved around to different routes. She and her (almost 2 year old son) hung out on my bus for almost my entire shift. Got my favorite bus today too. Route went pretty smoothly; almost no fireworks. Saw another one of my fixed route regulars. This lady and I talk about "Lost" and "House." She even made me a bracelet that said Lost on it. So cool. But I saw her standing on a corner and I am not supposed to; but I stopped anyway. I asked her if she needed a ride since it was frigid out today. She was FUMING. At first I thought she was pissed at me; but it was at another driver. Somehow she missed the van. No clue if they left early or what. Ok so fuming and frozen. The only bus on the particular route she was waiting for would have left her in the cold much longer before it cycled back so I called the Road Supe and had him pick her up and take her to her destination. She was still frozen; but very happy. I am sure she gave the Supe an earful though. All in a days work...Got back to work and got my last shift assignment until after my vacation. Stayed to watch the Tyra show because they were doing makeovers. I went to leave and saw they had another job posting up. I couldnt believe my eyeballs; it was for Road Supervisor. I did some thinking; called my parents and decided to apply even though I just had an interview the day before. More on that interview later. I was still going over in my head if I should even waste my time applying and was going to talk to the Assistant Ops Manager when two dispatchers asked if I was going to apply for it. Everyone I spoke to said I should. They still want a cover letter and the same questions answered as the last time. This time I am going to take a different approach in answering. I guess it all depends on who my competition is. I may have no previous management experience; but I have almost 11 yrs on the road come December (CDL Class B) and I am oozing Customer Service. Apps are due in Tuesday; but mine has to be in Monday before I leave for MA.
One of my passengers today told me she was asking other drivers if I was driving because she hadnt seen me. She said that they were all commenting on how good I looked. The majority of the people she named were all men. And all these people hadnt said a word to my face. How does my weight come up??? It came up today because I said that I had slacked off and put on X amount of pounds and that is when she said that all this stuff was being said about me. She said she only said one bad thing about me...that I had bad taste in cereal. (I was eating Kashi 7 Grains one day during my shift). Anyway, it was a positive shot in the arm.
Was trying to get a shopping cart at Giant Eagle when all of a sudden something slams into my rear end. It was a loose cart. The guy who was pushing carts looked like he was going to faint. Seriously, no big deal. My butt makes a good buffer. He caught me again later to apologize again and to make sure I wasnt hurt. I get beat up all the time; nothing to lose sleep over. It was embarrassing; but not that painful. Scared me to death that's all. Got my paycheck today!!!! I got da money!! BUT...Then I saw what my gross was vs my net. Damn Uncle Sam took over $300 away from me. *&^%!!! I was able to finally open my Savings Account. I am going to get a lot of mileage out of this paycheck. 116 hours ended up being the total for the 2 weeks. Yeah I was busy...Wonder how many miles that would translate into? My raise will show up on my next paycheck. So I may break even since I am taking 9 days off for the holiday. If I am passed up for Road Supe and FT Driver; I will just work crazy hours when I need the pay increase. Road Supe is a salary; no OT rate. FT Driver is 40 hrs only. So we will see what happens. Still nothing from Eric.

My head is spinning. Slept through "Grey's" last night so I have to download it tomorrow. I doubt I will make it through tonight's "Law & Order." OK I am babbling on about nothing so I had better call it a night.

Have a good weekend everyone!
~Carrie

[Rocky]

I love LOST and HOUSE! 2 great shows those are =)

[Trying4Thin]

WB Rocky! I am seriously peeved at the people responsible for "Lost." Who decided to have the show go on a 13 week hiatus???? Bet the ratings seriously dip after that. "House" continues to shock me every week. I love David Morse (the loony cop), but the character is creeping me out. Also a huge fan of "Heroes." You might like it.


OOOOOKAY....so I walked into work this morning zonked. Passed out 1/3 of the way thru "Law & Order." Picked up and dropped off my first 2 people and then had a huge layover. Came back and started the 3 buses for the fixed routes going out, and one for training. I came back in and they were discussing the departure of the dispatcher. I was asked again if I was going to put in for Road Supervisor. A little while later I was told that the dispatcher I was talking to this morning had gone behind my back and spoken to the Assistant Operations Manager about me. Apparantly, she had put in a good word for me. That made me feel really good. However; I dont want management thinking that I was enlisting people to help "further the Carrie Cause." The manager said they would take that into consideration. I dont know what was said and I didnt ask. So today and tomorrow I am going to be feeverishly working away at my Road Supe application and attatchments. I will most likely be called in for an interview the week after Turkey Day. Many people arent applying because of the hours. So what? It's salary + benefits! I dont want to work until 2am either but I am sucking it up! Less competition for me. I think all this hul-a-ba-loo with the dispatcher leaving happened Tuesday from what was said. Most dont know about it; but word travels fast. I am surprised it wasnt brought up at my interview; but who knows. Maybe my Thursday interview will help open some doors towards this next interview. In my rambling answers (due to extreme sleepiness), there were flashes of brilliance.

[Missy]

Just stopping by to wish you luck on the current job openings, I hope you get one of them this time. With all the extra hours and good work you do, I can't see how they could be so stupid to pass you up again. Make sure you don't work yourself too hard, take some time to relax too

[Trying4Thin]

Really not looking forward to going home. I feel and look awful. I seriously have blown up in the last month and a half. Not talking about a few pounds either. I am so incredibly lonely for Eric and still havent heard from him since Nov 2nd, or seen him since July. I just dont feel like doing anything anymore because everything I do; I do alone. I've ruined everything. This wasnt Eric's fault; it was mine. I would do anything to have him back in my life...anything. I want the chance to be able to make him happy for as long as I can (before he finds somebody else who couldnt possibly love him as much as I do.)

"When you love somebody you have trouble; so you can either stop loving them, or you can love them even more..." (M*A*S*H).

[Trying4Thin]

Not a happy camper at all. I only had to take 2-3 Benedryl yesterday instead of my usual pile of pills, and then last night/early morning; I was covered in red bumps again. We are now in week 4 of this. Took an oatmeal bath this morning; it is helping a little. My parents said if they are still bothering me when I come back from MA to get a prescription for (I think it was) Zelnorm. I wouldnt wish this crap on anyone.

Have my Road Supervisor cover letter done. I just have to type out my 4 questions and answers page for management. I wish the questions were different than the ones from last time. So far my chances for FT Driver are looking really good. But it is all in their hands. I am thinking they will pass me up again because I still dont have any management experience. And I am sure that even though I am stronger in other areas; they will want a candidate with proven leadership experience. 2 of the 4 Road Supes they currently have now are not well liked or respected (as managers). I dont want them hiring a 3rd one of those. The last 2 they hired are great and doing a great job busting their bottoms. Guess as with all things; I will leave my fate in the hands of the man upstairs and not question his judgement. Everything happens in it's right place and time. Bad things happen when I try and alter the master plan.

Getting my hair flat ironed and brows done in a few hours. Normally I am excited about this; but right now I just want to curl up into a little ball and sleep through the rest of the week. So much to do that should have/would have been done if I hadnt worked bookoo hours.

Wrote an apology letter to Eric yesterday for all my lousy/childlike behavior over the past 3 years. I have blown it with him and I know it full well. Only a miracle could repair this now. He isnt completely blameless; but it was me who began all of this and who ultimately ruined everything that could have possibly been between us. Slim to none are my chances now and I have to live with that thought forever. There wont be another guy; I dont care who he is. So I am just going to throw myself into my work and other areas of my life. Then I wont be painfully reminded of what I am missing in my life. I just didnt listen...and now there are consequences to be paid.

[Trying4Thin]

Turned in my Road Supe packet tonight. At least that is done.

Went and paid my gym balance. Guess who had to wait on me? The cute guy at the front desk. He called me ma'me. (sp?) I feel old when people call me that. And he had to get help because the balance was different. And I did kinda catch him staring at me; and at one point I caught a smile. Thinking he is a few years younger than I am. Flattering; but I am still heartbroken.

Still not wanting to go home. Still very itchy and still no word from Eric. I hate not knowing if he is ignoring me or just hasnt checked his mail in over 2 weeks. Not like it is going to change things anyway. I just want to talk or see words on my computer screen; anything is better than the silence that is existing between us.

[muppet]

Good luck on the job Carrie.
Take a minute to regroup, and get you head back in the game! And give yourself a break-- no one expects you to be perfect. Hang in there, and enjoy your trip home. I have no doubt your loved ones will be happy to see YOU, not how much weight you have or haven't lost.