It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

Another day, another shift. Was supposed to work from 6:15-12:15pm, but I got back at 10:45am. They tried to offer me another shift last night but I kinda need a break. Plus my allergies are still hanging on. I had to spend $7.00 on another pack of Benedryl today and I am not happy. I thought for sure they would be phasing out by now. Maybe I am just allergic to work. I hope I am not scratching away during my Thursday interview. Yeah, I'd really want to hire me too. Yuck...

So I was finally able to order a cd that I have wanted for some time now. It isnt in stores.."The Butterfly Effect Soundtrack." Was a nice treat after working myself to death for two weeks straight. Should be arriving via UPS today I believe.

Was almost hit head on by a semi this morning while waiting for a light. Scared my passenger and I half to death. To avoid a collision; I threw my van into reverse, and honked...almost taking out a car that was pulling up behind me. Kind of ironic since State Route 303 was shut down yesterday with emergency vehicles for a car slamming head on into a semi. No clue how that happened. Yes I do know...People cant drive; dont care, or drive impared (cell phones, applying makeup, smoking, drinking etc). These days you cant even count on "professionals" to be good drivers. Well I have been in the field since March of '95 and I AM a professional. Everyone else on the road just scares me.

Still nothing from Eric. I HATE waiting. But I dont have a choice. I am not going to be pushy or needy anymore. If he wants to email me; he knows where to find me. I want my friend back.

More later,
~Carrie

[Jules]

Hi Carrie,
I'm sorry you're still having allergy problems. Has anything changed reccently? Something new in your diet? New Shampoo, detergent, seat cushion? It could be anything. I'm sorrry that must be making you miserable. I'm glad you got a new CD on the way and were able to say no yet another shift and get some rest. Everyone needs a break every now and then. I hope things smooth out for you soon.

Ps. Thanks for your comments in my journal -I appreciate your support.

[Trying4Thin]

I really havent changed much. I did try a new Pantene shampoo/conditioner but I dont think that did it. This has been going on off and on since high school. I did some research and like I previously wrote; I just have to sit it out. They usually cant find what sets people off. If it lasts longer than 6 weeks it is classified as chronic. Well I classify them as chronic because they do come back every few years. I feel like a freak; but luckily only one person saw me scratching.

My cd came today and I was able to add it to my ITunes library. That was one good thing. Cant wait til Friday because I am flat broke. Anyone here a fan of, "The Green Mile?" Well the 2 disk special edition set is now available. I am so excited because it is one of my favorite movies.

Nothing new to report. I think it is kinda sad that the only thing I have to write about is hives. "There's gotta to be more to life"...(~Stacie Orrico) Yet my life is pretty empty right now; all things considered. I work and then spend the remaining time alone.

[mifsit]

Carrie, I think its time you put on a BL workout DVD or something like that and posted back here what you did (calories burned, HR that sort of thing). Then pamper yourself in whatever way you can.

I know you're broke and feeling down But I just can't help feeling its time to kick you in the backside and get you going again. You are so much better than you give yourself credit for. You've been a big inspiration to many of us on here.

[muppet]

Hello Carrie,
I'm glad you're leaving the ball in Eric's court. You're absolutely right -- he knows where you are..
Sorry about the hives. I've only had them a few times -- reactions to an antibiotic. I have needed an antibiotic twice in my adult life -- both times from strep throat ( thanks kids!!). Both times, I broke out in hives, toward the end of the treatment.
I hope the Benedryl helps. I know it helped me.
Are you getting any exercise in? I know it might be uncomfortable, but Phil is right -- you know you'll feel so much better if you do it.
Take care!
Carol

[Trying4Thin]

Thanks for asking. The Benedryl is helping a little. But I swear the hives can sense when the meds are wearing off because that is when they start up again. I am now taking 2 pills every 5 hours (instead of 6) in an attempt to head them off. I have three dollars to my name (not kidding) until Friday; so I cant get any creams, baking soda or oatmeal to take a bath in. Actually come to think of it; I do have a canister of oatmeal I bought for Snoopy to munch on. Just no baking soda to add to it. My mom says that it helps to draw out the itchiness. At this rate I would stand on my head and spit quarters if it would make this crap go away.

Friday I am going to settle my gym account. As each day passes; I feel more and more gross and guilty. But I also dont want to be in a huge room where a bunch of guys (especially the front desk) can see me scratching at my arms and legs. Today I was horrible foodwise. All I have eaten is pop tarts and diet mountain dew. I DO NOT RECOMMEND this concoction; I feel like vomiting. Then I spent the afternoon in tears. I really do not want to go home Tuesday. I was supposed to be in the 130's by now if I had been behaving. I am ashamed of myself and when my parents see me after seeing how different I looked last time; they are going to be disappointed too. I wish I could just lock myself in the gym by myself for the week and just workout until I cant stand it anymore. That to me would be better than having Thanksgiving dinner. The thing is; I am friends with the gym's owner (he is going to train me when I get home, and he is going to help me get moving on my personal training/weight loss counselor dream.) So I bet if I asked I could get keys to the place. He has let my mother watch the place when he is on vacation; so why not? Well I called my father and he said I have to go to Thanksgiving dinner because the family will be hurt if I dont attend. He also said that I am going to be trained when I go home and I am going to have plenty of time to beat myself up the rest of the week. I just dont want to be around food and I dont want to let the whole room know how crappy I feel about myself now since I blew up again. And I dont want anyone tip toeing around my diet. I can control myself in the presence of others; just not when I am alone because I am so miserable. My heart just aches so I just tell it to shut up by bingeing. Great solution eh? Tomorrow I face 3 managers for my last interview. Not looking forward to that. I dont even get nervous anymore because I just dont care. After losing the Road Supervisor position a few months ago; nothing much matters anymore except my passengers. I just want one thing to go right for me. I have worked so hard on everything and it is just one disappointment after another. I wish I could go back a few years and knock some sense into myself so things wouldnt have turned out as they have. Not just with Eric; but pretty much every decision I have made since I left MA in '94.

[Trying4Thin]

Anyone ever see the movie, "Aladdin?" Remember the creepy begger who cons Aladdin into the cave of wonders to fetch the magic lamp? Well he has a line that goes something like..."Whoever has the gold makes the rules?" And then he flashes a creepy looking grin and a sickening laugh follows. Well that is the exact smile I see on Adrian's face when she isnt whining. She is just super creepy and super annoying to me. She can go next week. Kai and Heather I can handle compared to that freak show. I wish Caroline had smacked the stuffing out of her. Too bad she had the highest percentage this week as well. Tough to swallow.

I am pissed at Erik for selling Marty down the river; because I think Marty going head to head with Erik at the end would have inspired Erik to reach new levels of fitness. BUT...Marty is soooooo hot now! He is as ripped as Bob is...Definitely the most amazing transformation thus far. And I thought Brian and Ken were amazing; but this takes the cake!

I think I have posted enough for tonight. I am zonked and dont want to go to work tomorrow; or my interview either. But there is life after BL.

Have a good evening everyone. Hopefully I wont have any Adrian temper tantrum nightmares.

[mifsit]

Pop tarts? You're broke but you had money for pop tarts? I'm not going to beat you up about it but come on Carrie get off this down ward spiral. You are allowing yourself to be a victim. We love you and its time you loved yourself too

[Trying4Thin]

I am sooooo tired I can barely think straight. Stayed up way past my bedtime yapping in the chat room. Then I had to be up at 4:30 am to get my laundry done before work. RAN to beat the time clock and made it two minutes early. Not good to arrive late on your interview day...My first 2 people cancelled; so I sat and read from 6:15am to 8:00am after inspecting my vehicle. Not too shabby. Then went to pick up clients 3 and 4 and dropped them off. Had another hour break. Took fourth client home. Drove very slowly to last clients house so I wouldnt be early. She overslept and wasnt going in to work today. So in 6 hours I drove only 43 miles and had approx 3 hours of reading time. Then had another 45 mins til my interview and then had a mandatory meeting with the AFLAC people. I hadnt eaten since watching the BL episode last night so I was starving. The Pepsi machine at work ate my last dollar in change. Now I am ready to pass out for the night. But I cant sleep during, "Grey's Anatomy." Glad the interview is over. I was the last person scheduled. I have no idea what is going to happen. I caught myself rambling because I would forget the initial question. What's done is done. Now I play the waiting game. I did find out through payroll that my raise will be in my next paycheck. Too bad it wont be in tomorrow's. I got 80 hours regular and 38 OT (118 total). I am going to clear the largest paycheck of my entire life tomorrow and I can finally open a savings account, pay off my credit card and cover my bills!!!!

Wow I really am growing up! Now where is my blankey? I need a nap!

Linus awaits the Great Pumpkin.

[louie]

Hope the interview went well Carrie, and enjoy the very well deserved paycheck!!!! You deserve every cent and more!!!

Take it easy and am here for you,
Louie