It's Time For A New Life

[ehyatt]

Jillian would also say "Be the best you that you can be."

Keep working at it Carrie! I know it is frustrating! Give it 5 days, all you got, no cheating, think positively, and then weigh yourself and tell me how you feel in 5 days. I know you have worked out so hard, and I can't imagine that the salad dressing or crackers have really contributed to the gain. I am puzzled, but I know it in my heart that if you stick with it, you will see a loss soon! Just know that you are doing a fantastic job, and that we are here pulling for you.

[Trying4Thin]

Day 22

Today was a really weird day. I guess I never realized how much I relied on this site until it wasnt accessible for a day. Guess technology still has some bugs to get rid of. I am relieved to know that it isnt my cable or computer. I guess I am still sticking to my diet, but I havent been as particular about portion control. I have also eaten some of the single serve cereal boxes. Not just the good for you kind either. I wont be buying those again anytime soon. I also havent gotten on the scale either. Most likely because I dont want to know how much more I have put on. I havent exercised either because I have been worrying about the possible new job promotion. I spent over two hours on my computer yesterday answering 4 questions that management requested be answered in addition to the resume, cover letter, internal application, and the eventual interview. I have a lot riding on this job and I will be crushed if I am passed over again. Especially if it is for somebody with less road experience, and time at the company. All I can say is that I thoroughly answered the questions (4 pages worth of answers), and that it looked professionally done. Now all I do is wait for an interview date and time. Waiting is the worst. Still no call from "my guy." But I have to say, that I have been so distracted with work, that I havent really had time to stew over it. I need to get myself back on track, and fast. Should be easy now that the job stuff is done with. But, my unwanted friend is due next week and I feel like a slug. My cleaning and laundry is piling up big time, I am cranky, and my cravings are returning. I have got to get stuff done this weekend, even if I have to make myself do it.

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Day 23

Today I was on the early shift (report time 530am). But I was done by 1136am so it wasnt so bad. After work, I flew over to Kinko's to print out my stuff for work. I havent set up my printer yet, and I didnt want to risk missing the application deadline. I have to say that I am pleased with how it came out. I happened to catch a glimpse of another already turned in application and mine was much more professional looking. After I turned my stuff in, I rewarded myself with Cherry Cheesecake. (NO I dont mean the real thing....) Although my tastebuds wish I did...I have been reading culinary mystery novels by Joanne Fluke and I love her series, even though it is fluff reading. Anyway, the newest book in the series is called, "Cherry Cheesecake Murder." I have been dying to get this book for months. Next month, another book comes out by Diane Mott Davidson (another culinary murder mystery writer) called, "Dark Torte." It's a good thing I cant cook or bake because I would put on 300 pounds trying out all the book recipes. I dont know what it is, but my fast food cravings are coming back BIG time. I have had to do some serious self talking to keep myself away from it. I was even trying to make excuses for why it wouldnt matter if I went once. Well I havent caved in, and I wont. I think it was the stress talking, and possibly a little lonliness mixed in there too. I do know that afterwards I never would have forgiven myself. Right now I am having trouble with my food choices and I am starting to gravitate towards some not so smart choices. I think once this week is over, that I will get back to my determined self. Right now, all my determination is sitting in a white lock box at the office waiting to be read and evaluated. I was feeling superconfident, and now I just want to break into that box and steal it back. If they have passed me up before, what's to stop them from doing it again? I swear I am my own worst enemy and I always find a way to sabotage myself. I have got to stop pulling that because if I dont, 214 is only a fast food binge away. I am betting I am somewhere in the 160's again, but I dont know.
On a lighter note (no pun intended), Idol is on tonight. I thought most of the guys did well last night. Ace, a favorite of mine didnt do so hot. Kevin has to go. There was somebody else, and I cant remember who. Chris D was awesome as usual. As for the women, Brenna and the blonde who called herself an AI Stalker both have to go. (My humble opinion). But with Idol, you never know what will happen. I am still scratching my head wondering how Constantine was booted before Scott Savol last season. Oh well, they have to keep people tuning in dont they?
Well tomorrow is Friday, and I guess I have to start over again and remind myself why I wanted to lose weight in the first place. I havent completely fallen overboard, but I am too close for comfort.

~Carrie

[Jules]

Originally Posted by Trying4Thin

The proverbial icing on the cake was the last piece of a custard pie (I think) was sitting on the table in front of me and I could have cared less. Pavlov's Dinner Bell will no longer work on me. Let somebody else inhale the zillion calories in that pie. I have better things to do with my time.......I have not only lost physical weight, but emotional weight as well. I have lost flab and gained muscle and inner strength. To the scale that claims I have gained....Get lost!
~Carrie

I really admire you Carrie. I can't wait until I no longer want that piece of pie. My coworker is bringing one tomorrow to our party and it's going to be so hard! I'm already drooling dreaming of the different pies it could be.

It's great that you have changed so much emotionally. I know that it will lead you to bigger and better things in your life -and to your guy if he's not completely blind to how great you are. When you talk about your interactions with your guy I think to myself I've been there. I inherited my fathers temper, and when it springs up it's nasty and rash and loud and I hate acting like that. And it springs up when I get defensive about myself and I feel unlovable and I push my guy away.

I'm thankful somehow he has the patience to stay with me and to help me deal with the real issue (how I feel about myself and my body) as well as both of us taking the time to learn how to be in a mature and loving relationship. It doesn't just happen easily -it takes time and effort and communication. You obviously have the drive to change and the communication to keep it going -and I really hope it turns out well in time.

On another note -the serving sizes of most salad dressing are per 2 Tablespoons. I think you'll be suprised at how much dressing that really is. Plus if you are eating a vinegarette dressing you can always add some lemon or lime juice to help season the salad without adding fat. As for crackers, that's where I turned to those GG brand Crispbreads I talked about in another thread. Sometimes you have to have something to munch. It's a cracker not bread, but better for piling snacks on top of than eating plain. I'd suggest also cucumber slices as a substitute. I know not the same flavor, but you can eat so many of them for so few calories it will help to fill you up.

Best of luck with that job interview, I really hope it goes well for you. I'll be here pullin for you!

[Trying4Thin]

Hi Jules,

Thanks again for your comments, they really mean a lot.Congratulations on the added weight loss!! Oddly enough, Elizabeth and I had this conversation a few weeks back. Picture that pie (your favorite flavor), fresh out of the oven, with ice cream and whipped cream. Hungry yet? Now picture what that pie would look like...hanging from your thighs!! (Why cant I stop rhyming???) Still hungry? I didnt think so. I know I dont want to spend the rest of my life with a pizza butt and whoppers w/ cheese for lovehandles. I have discovered that 95% of my cravings are all in my head. You have several options here...1) go into a different room when the pie is brought in 2) bring a healthy treat to keep your hands busy and mouth occupied while your coworkers are filling up on excess sugar and calories. I suggest yogurt, a fruit cup, or a veggie plate. I bet that your coworkers will secretly envy you. Not everyone can say no to treats. Trust me, you are much stronger than you think. And if you do eat some pie, remember that you will have to face yourself sooner or later, and sometimes that is the worst punishment of all. How do you explain why you betrayed yourself?
I know it is hard to back away from somebody you love. My temper and clingyness, and being naive and scared really did me in this time. I have calmed down a lot since. The communication is far from what it used to be, but I am not giving up. I truly think we are ment to be together, despite what has happened in the past. I realize that we both need time to heal. I think if I was lucky enough to cross paths with him in the first place, it was ment to happen. At this stage in life, I dont think I am supposed to endure anymore heartache by meeting the wrong guy. I just have to stay positive and not back down with all aspects of my life, not just one select area.

~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Day 24

Well it is now Day 24 and my cravings are getting MUCH worse. I am sitting back and waiting for an interview date for the Road Supervisor position, and that alone is enough to make me want to pull my hair out. I really thought that all my cravings would have been long gone by now. But I am stressed out and they are coming back. I think part of it is also due to the fact that I have been really strict with my diet (except for the past few days.) No bread, dessert (except a Nature Valley Granola Bar and some NutriGrain Bars), no cheese, no soda, no tv dinners....No FUN FOOD! I think I need to shake things up a little. I did get on the scale this morning for the first time in a few days and I was terrified to see how much I had gained. According to my scale I am 160.1. That was around 6:15 this morning. You are supposed to weigh in later. I was actually quite surprised, I figured the way I was blimping up, and the way I have been slacking on my diet and exercise, and the impending PMS Monster, that I would be much higher. So maybe some of that gain was muscle. I didnt think I could build it that fast. But as I have learned, my body is weird, and it doesnt seem to follow the rules. Unfortunatly I have to run to the store tonight to get more lettuce, my tabloid mags, chicken, and other things I wont realize I need until I get to the store, like toilet paper. I was halfways contemplating getting a box of Lean Pockets Broccoli and Cheese Croisannts, but I am not going to give in. Everytime I want to cheat, I think how dissappointed everyone would be, and that it would push me further away from "my guy," and my ultimate weight goal of 120. When he calls (who knows when that will be) I want to look better than I did the last time he saw me. Before, nobody else mattered. If I wanted to pig out, I did and nothing could stop me. Well things have changed, and I am going to tell my inner Miss Piggy to shut up everytime she tries to get me back into fast food, or processed frozen dinners or soda. I really hope that somewhere down the line my body, and "my guy" will take note of this good behavior. Pardon my french here, but sometimes it really &*%^$ to be good all the time. And if you are wondering, my bag of Hershey Kisses still remains unopened. Honest!

~Carrie

[Missy]

Keep on track girl, you can do it! Having things like NutriGrain bars aren't that bad for you as long as you eat them in moderation. They do have quite a few carbs as do most bread type products. I heard it's best to eat carbs in the morning if you are going to have them because then your body has the rest of the day to burn them off!

With my diet, I am allowed to have a total of 70g of carbs at breakfast. Just make sure they are good carbs. Cereals are bad for you, because most of the carbs come from sugar. Sugar=bad! *LOL*

[Trying4Thin]

It's 1:16am and I am STARVING! I cant make these stupid cravings go away. I have worked so hard to get rid of them, and I cant understand why they are coming back. But I know if I indulge them even once, it will all be over and I cant allow that to happen. I just want this week and next week to be over with so I can start feeling normal again. My stomach area seems to have blown up this week. I have come soooo close to eating the old junk I used to, because I think I want it (not because I need it). I think if I were spending time with "my guy" I would be so wrapped up in him that I would forget to eat. I miss him so much and it is killing me waiting for him to call or email. I think I am scared he will find somebody else or just never call me again. I think that is part of the reason my cravings are back. Maybe to fill a void, which is why I blew up in the first place so many years ago. I think I am going to go to bed before I go and eat something I will definitely regret in the morning. 5am shift report..aaahhhh.

~Carrie

[Missy]

Originally Posted by Trying4Thin

It's 1:16am and I am STARVING! I cant make these stupid cravings go away. I have worked so hard to get rid of them, and I cant understand why they are coming back. But I know if I indulge them even once, it will all be over and I cant allow that to happen. I just want this week and next week to be over with so I can start feeling normal again. My stomach area seems to have blown up this week. I have come soooo close to eating the old junk I used to, because I think I want it (not because I need it). I think if I were spending time with "my guy" I would be so wrapped up in him that I would forget to eat. I miss him so much and it is killing me waiting for him to call or email. I think I am scared he will find somebody else or just never call me again. I think that is part of the reason my cravings are back. Maybe to fill a void, which is why I blew up in the first place so many years ago. I think I am going to go to bed before I go and eat something I will definitely regret in the morning. 5am shift report..aaahhhh.

~Carrie

Definately go to bed...when you are sleeping you will totally forget about the cravings. If you are still having problems, drink like a gallon of water. Just keep drinking until you can't drink anymore. You will feel full, and water is good for you! Green tea is supposed to be good for suppressing the feeling of hunger, try that out too!

Worry is misused imagination. Don't let your mind imagine all the "What If's..." You will drive yourself insane with worry. Don't say "what if he doesn't call, what if he finds someone else"....your mind is playing tricks with you!

[Patty_Ann]

Carrie...I really hope that you start feeling better. I know how it feels when you are missing 'your' man. I went through this when my husband and I split - the 'what if's' are going to throw you for a loop...and it isn't a very fun loop. You have done the right thing by coming in here and posting when you are feeling down...it is always good to express your feelings into words. Get the words out and you will feel better. One thing I have told myself - if I am craving something I will eat it...I find that when I do eat it I don't want much of it. If you hold back to much then you might binge on what you are craving and that always turns out ugly. I hope that everything goes well for you this coming week. Take Care!