It's Time For A New Life

[Trying4Thin]

It was pointed out again today how big my muscles are. I am amazed anyone can see them under my fat suit....(With the exception of my quads.)

Ended up having a very interesting conversation with Eric today; but I am not going to discuss it right now. I am still in shock. I think the fact that I have made all these changes for the better (for me) is starting to get to him slightly and maybe (just maybe) more than he would really like to admit.

Decided to go for a walk/run outside since the weather is really nice (for the time being.) I went around campus in something like 56 mins. Could have been faster though. Came back drenched. 361 calories, 50% fat burn, 180.5 fat calories burned off. Not too shabby for less than an hours worth of work. I remember the first time I did it (way back when) and I clocked in around 1 hour and 12 mins and I couldnt run period. I am determined to also get my outdoor endurance going too. One of my dreams is to be able to take a LONG run with Eric and be able to keep up all the way. So while I continue to train on the treadmill; I will also train outside while the weather is good still. The changing outdoor terrain is also good for strengthening my calves and ankle muscles. Wondering what my parents are going to say when I go home. They havent seen me since before I began at LA Weight Loss or began super conditioning. I WILL GO HOME FOR THANKSGIVING IN THE 130's. I dont care if I have to run from one end of my county to the other. I will get there.

Front desk staff is acting really weird around me. The harder I work out; the more they stare at me. It isnt in my head. I can see their reflections in the window. The one guy wont even talk to me anymore. Then again; I never said much to him either. But the one guy who did my orientation and then dropped me after I signed (when I first began), is really bothering me. He was on the Elliptical behind me and I could see him smirking at me in the window reflection. One of the things that kept me running last night was smirking (actually glaring) right back and thinking evil thoughts. And I kept going. Stuff like that makes me run harder. Nobody thought I would make it; but I showed them. Anyone who tells me I cant; I dont have time for you. Just get out of my way, I will show you I can and I will.

[Missy]

I bet the people at the gym you go to are very shocked and impressed that you managed to do it on your own. It takes a lot of willpower and determination to come as far as you have all by yourself...you proved them wrong and I think it's fantastic.

I know that I am always impressed with how much you do in your workouts, I am really jealous of the running though, I wish I could do that. I want my foot to get better so I can at least get on a treadmill and try..just to see how long I can go and what the difference is from the last time I was on one. Keep up the awesome job!

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone,

Sorry I havent been around much. I have been off plan and I am starting to fight off a cold. Plus I have been worried about going home looking fat. I feel like I havent made any progress in the looks department since I last went home. Like 2 weeks ago I was really looking good and now I feel yucky about myself. I am hoping to come back from MA with a renewed sense of faith in myself and that I can get this done before the end of the year.

A driver had to go home early today and I had to work over slightly on my route before I could get switched out. So, I wouldnt have made it to my hair appointment on time and I had to cancel. Not too pleased with that. But I got other stuff done unstead. I will just get my hair and brows done when I get back.

Most likely I am going to have to stay up all night so I dont oversleep. I need to be at the airport by 5am to get through security and not feel rushed. My dad taught me that years ago. Makes for less stress travel. Not to mention that I HATE flying. They better let me take my IPod on the plane.

Well I guess I will write more later if I feel sleepy. If I miss that plane; I will never hear the end of it.

[Missy]

I just wanted to wish you a happy weekend at your parents. I'm sure they will be shocked with your results, you have nothing to worry about.

[mifsit]

It is quite likely they will see a difference that you can't. They haven't seen you in a while but you see yourself every day.

I hate flying too, especially if its a boeing. I can think of a better way to pass the time. Its just Soooooooo boring.

[Trying4Thin]

Hi all,

Just a quick note to let you know I landed in MA. I will try and get on later if I have any spare time. My parents seem to have every second of the weekend accounted for. Luckily I am still stuffed up and wont get my ass kicked by a trainer (this time). My mother has already said that I look much smaller. Too bad I didnt go home two week ago when I really looked good.

TGIF!

[susieokla]

Carrie-I hope you're having a good time with your parents. I'm sure they did notice a change in you and I bet just not on the outside but the inside as well.

Have a safe trip home and hope to hear from you soon.

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone!
Just flew in from MA (well plane touched down at 11:26 am). Feels good to be home in Ohio; but I do miss MA. Have TONS to tell you. But right now I am going to follow Jules's example and use the suspense card. I am really really zonked. Travel is extremely exhausting, even though I didnt switch time zones.

Missed you all!
~Carrie

[Trying4Thin]

Hi everyone....

Ok here's a summary of the past few days...

By Thursday night I was incredibly sick and my parents told me to go to the store to get a decongestant before I got on the plane Friday. I also had to put gas in my car. I didnt want to drive too far away so I couldnt get cheaper gas. Best I could do was $1.97 and that is great compared to the East Coast. Pharmacist told me to take Sudafed PE; but there are like 10 different boxes of it. So I just guessed. Went home and watched, "Grey's Anatomy." (Holy crap is Eric Dane a hottie!) Then I passed out and woke up at 1:30am to pack and take care of a few things. Left for the airport around 4am. By the time I got to 77 South, I was having such a sneezing fit I thought I was going to sideswipe somebody. Got to the airport a few minutes before 5am and had no problems checking in. Security took my water!! Even though I looked like death, they were just doing their job. Had to have my perfume scanned separately too. Damn terrorists...Managed to get a first class seat on the way out. Really nice to not have to be smushed in like cattle. Flight was fine except the last 10 mins I was in so much pain from the congestion I thought my head was going to explode. My mother picked me up at the bus station and commented that I had lost a lot of weight. But who could tell because my face was all red and puffy and I was in sweats and my bat girl pants. Went to my parents office and then I went to have a consult with a family friend/personal trainer. He gave me the contact information for a woman who could help me decide what nutrition class I could take to further my education. I think she is a nutrition therapist. He also sent me a bunch of info on personal training certification programs. And he pretty much benched me from exercise. He said I could get on the treadmill and walk...where is the fun in that?? Met up with my father a little later and he was also happy with my current loss. (Too bad they didnt see me a few weeks ago). We drove up to Maine and had lunch at my favorite restaurant overlooking the ocean. However, the service was horrible that day and they didnt have my favorite veggie (cooked broccoli). From there we went to LL Bean and I actually had to try on clothes. I was not happy because I was going on 3 hours of sleep and I was cranky as hell. I actually squeezed into a size 8 and 10 pants. But I couldnt get the zippers up. The 10 was close, but the 8 I had a few more inches to lose. But I was in them and that was exciting. A few years ago in that same dressing room I was cramming into a size 20 and barely making it. Then my parents decided to have dinner with my uncle and his new wife who I love. I really didnt want to though because again I didnt want to further spread my germs and I looked really bad at that point. Also got a pair of walking poles to help tone my arms and make my trail walking more fun. Took forever to get into the restaurant and we didnt eat until around 10pm. We were all starving and angry because they kept passing us up for smaller parties. I could have eaten the walls at that point because I had no taste sensation. Didnt attack the huge hunk of cornbread on my plate either. Saturday we went apple picking!! Omigod that was so much fun. I landed some real doozies. My dad and I were trying to outdo each other in size. I think we ended up getting well over 20 pounds of assorted apples. This is a real fresh fruit grocery store! The fruit was practically jumping off the trees. I left stuffed full of different kinds of apples. They are like wine; each has their own distinct flavor. This place also does berry picking. Count me in!! We left and I was covered in dirt from trying to get closer to the trees and carrying the apples in my pockets. Went to the mall and I now have a new cell phone and I was able to get 2 more of my lucky running shoes. The last ones have earned their retirement. Plus this shoe is a special edition for Breast Cancer. (Said I would cry if they were discontinued because they always do that whenever I find something I like). Then headed to Worcester for a staged version of, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." I was really worried my parents would hate it. Especially with some of the vile stuff the people in the front row were yelling at the actors. Still trying to figure out if they were with the show as "audience actors" or not. The lead (Frank N Furter) was incredible. For all of you who have seen the Tim Curry version are aware of his getup. Well this guy had the same one. But I was (and so was my mother) transfixed on this guys arms..He had serious arm guns and legs too! And we were in the third row so we got an eyeful. Excellent production! Actually all the cast was in incredible shape. (Rocky Horror) had a great butt. Had dinner at The Sole Proprietor (fish place). I got Rosemary & Oregano Chicken and my father got some kind of tuna with horseradish and spicy mustard. Of course they wanted me to try it. Horseradish??? fish??? Had the makings of disaster...WOW this was awesome!! Next time we go there I am getting my own! In all fairness my chicken was yummy. And my mother made me eat a vegetarian sushi rice roll. She didnt tell me there was seaweed in it, or avacado (yuck)...wasnt bad, but the second piece had been sitting next to the sushi and it tasted nasty. Cute waiter...was asking me if I was sick after seeing me down pills and saying he had been a few weeks ago.
Sunday I was on the 8am bus back to the airport. Met a really nice woman clerk at the Borders in the terminal. She gave me some really good book ideas. Too bad I had to run to my gate or I would have stayed to talk. She was an Agatha Christie fan. Well I will be back next month. 10 mins later, the flight loaded. I was the first one to make it down the walkway and inside the plane was a male Head Flight Attendant who looked like an NFL linebacker. I was just about to go around the corner into first class when out of nowhere; he drops his huge arm in front of me blocking the entryway and almost popping me in the face. I thought he ment that they needed more time for first class to board. It was a small plane like only 3-4 rows of Biz Class...then he waves me off the plane. At this point he hasnt said a word, just gestured at me. I thought somebody needed to get through with a wheelchair or a piece of equipment. Two seconds later he is smirking at me and waving me back on the plane. There is a husband and wife couple behind me and they were as clueless as I was at what was going on. All I remember was getting very very angry, and feeling very very humiliated. I walk up to him and he says, "No Patriots fans allowed on the plane." Everyone busts up laughing. (I was wearing a blue Pats hat). I did laugh and yelled that I wasnt a Pats fan and that was mean (the hat fits great). The woman behind me who was also laughing agreed. Maybe I looked cute to him, maybe he just wanted to hassle the first person who got on board..who knows. But I did look cute that day. Sat next to a woman with an infant and she was breast feeding her. Give me a break!! Luckily the seat between us was open. When I got off the plane I was practically deaf. I did hear the comment, "Go Dolphins" when walking by this guy. Too bad I wasnt in first class; I would have given this guy a run for his money. He did come back briefly to assist in coach and they were discussing football. Weather was awesome in Ohio and we got back early. Went to the store for a few things and bumped into the former Travel Services Manager at my old driving job. He said he thought it was me, but didnt recognize me. Nice compliment. Trip was a success. I still have major body issues. My parents say that I am too hard on myself. But I look ok here in Ohio, but the mirrors in MA all make me look huge. If my stomach isnt gone by April, I am having surgery. So I have a lot to look forward to. But the biggest news is that I am quitting LA Weight Loss Centers. My parents are pretty much as fed up with them as I am. Their jaws dropped when they found out how much cash I also dropped on the program in addition to what they helped with. The products they push are all diet saboteurs and I am too smart for them to hire me. Their loss. At least I wont face 3x weekly weigh ins or being talked down to. I am getting a Certified Dietician. This will help me and anyone else I choose to work with in the future. Tomorrow I contact my insurance company and see who covers what. I am eager to start over again.

I think that is it. I am sure there is more, but my mind is going blank. I doubt I will see Eric this week because he is busy as usual; but that is ok because I still look sick and feel somewhat congested. I really do miss him very much. But it is more time to work on myself for when we do see each other again. I want him to see that all of me has changed and that I really am the one he has been searching for. I guess I have always been a diamond in the rough. But now I am starting to shine inside and out. Will return to the gym with a vengeance on Weds. Gotta make sure all the junk is out first. That reminds me, I am way behind on my Vicks 44D.

Oh yeah one more thing. My mother said I was really cute and she wasnt just saying that because she was my mother. I said that she had to say that because she was my mother, and she replied with, "No I dont. You notice I didnt tell you that when you were heavier." And at that point, it all made sense. I had come full circle.

[Trying4Thin]

The great thing about vacations is that you can escape from the daily grind, stress, and (hopefully) the nastiness of humankind. I got off the plane feeling totally awesome on Sunday and my day was ruined the second I opened my email from Dear Abby and read this...(makes me ashamed to be associated with these lowlife, sorry excuses for space...)


DEAR ABBY: Something happened to me in one of the most popular restaurants here in town. I have gone there many times with family and friends. Recently a friend took me there for a birthday dinner. I know the manager, so I stopped to talk to him when we entered. As we were talking, the hostess came to take my friend to be seated, and I asked, "Could we have a booth, please?"

This was not an unusual request. I have asked before because it's a more intimate way to have girl-talk. When I went to look for my friend, she was being seated at a tiny table for two, and I remarked, "Are there no booths available?" The hostess replied, "The tables don't move in the booths." I told her I knew what the booths were like. She then demonstrated how you could pull the chairs up to the little table.
All of a sudden it dawned on me what the hostess was getting at. I said, "Are you insinuating that I won't fit in your booths?" and she pointed to my stomach! I was mortified! I am heavy, but not obese. I was humiliated and the restaurant was crowded, so we sat down and ordered. It was a quick meal; I was too upset to eat. When I got home and settled down, I called and asked for the manager. As I started to tell him what happened, he said, "Oh yeah, she told me," and added, "We do the best we can." He just sloughed me off! Needless to say, I haven't been back. What do you think of this? -- KATHY IN LA HABRA, CALIF.

Sickening if you ask me. I have also been a hostess in several restaurants. If a "larger" customer came in and requested a booth, we left it up to them to decide if they wanted to try and fit or not. There was no need to humilate this customer. I have never in my life pointed out the obvious to a customer before. Sure, we all looked at each other with the "look" (it's gonna be tight) but the customer is always right. Both these employees should have been given the boot by corporate management. My only regret is that the restaurant name was not given in the letter. Dear Abby is read worldwide and I guarrentee they would have seen a huge dip in clientele for the poor handling of this patron. Restaurants are no longer designed to fit patrons of all sizes; it's more like one size (does not) fit all. More tables = more turnover. Kinda like airplanes..quantity over quality and comfort.

Sadly, the stories dont end there. The majority of you know what I do for a living. In doing so, I see many people who are dealing with various health issues (including obesity etc) and we are supposed to handle them with the love and respect as everyone else. Then again; isnt that common sense?? Maybe not. I was driving my usual transit route on Monday when I saw one of my favorite passengers waiting at the next stop. This woman has overcome many difficulties in her life both physically and mentally. Suffice to say that she has a significant weight problem made worse with meds. However she never fails to make me laugh and she has a huge heart. Anyway she gets on and looks very upset and I asked what was wrong. She said that while she was waiting at the stop for the bus, a car full of students drove by and yelled at her that the bus wasnt coming because she exceeded the weight limit. (Yes alcohol was involved with one of the yellers). All I can say is that it is a damn good thing I didnt witness that or I would have called the police on a "driving with an open container/DUI charge" This woman did say that it was too bad she didnt have her cell with her. After hearing that, my blood was boiling. This is not the first time this woman has told me that somebody came up to her and was so rude (completely unsolicited) to give her their input on her weight. This woman knows she has an issue so what the hell is the point of making light of it? All she was doing was waiting for the bus!! I did get her to laugh because I said that while she could always lose the weight anytime; this *&^%$## would always be just that. People like that never change. (And I bet he was ugly too!) She said he was....haha! Maybe this sorry excuse for space will wake up one day and weigh 500 pounds and not be able to touch his toes. Then he would know what it was like for the people he tormented. G-d works in mysterious ways....I HATE doing damage control when somebody makes one of my passengers (or anyone else I care about) feel like dirt or less than human.

I wish I could say that the "horror stories" end there. But they dont. Everyday somebody is being terrorized because of their weight. It needs to be against the law. And do you know what? It is. It is against the law to discrimminate against somebody for age, **** creed, or other disability. For those of you who are Law & Order SVU fans; last season they did a show on Obesity. It was horrible to know that this type of thing (beatings, harrassment etc) is allowed to happen. For those of you who have seen the movie, "Mystery Alaska" there is a character who has a massive heart attack. A young child asks why this character was so fat and he is told that this person had so much love for people that everytime he met a new person he liked, his body and heart grew to fit them. I know it is just a movie, but I believe that theory. People of size have the biggest of hearts because they truly know what it means to love people and not judge them. I know that this is not the end though; but maybe if I can get the message out and change one person's views on people of size; then maybe that is one step closer to changing the world.