((((((carrie))))))))
How are you?
I had my battle with the scale at about 5 am. This is how these last few months have gone.
I knew that with prednisone (steroids) I would gain weight, there really is no escaping it. When I wasnt on prednisone I had to be on the highest inhaled steroid, so it wasnt going to be pretty either way. No doubt it would hurt me to see the scale go up..which would have probably led me to give up all together.
I just decided to eat well, exercise when I was able, and keep praying.. So I promised myself that I would not go near the scale until at least a week after the last round was done. Since my asthma was markably better after this last round, I decided I would start back checking my weight on the scale. I had abandoned the scale alltogether and asked God to keep me from hitting 200 again. Thats all I wanted because I felt like I was headed for at least a 20 pound gain.
So these past few months, no scale, lots of prayer.
I was dumbfounded when I stepped on this week and saw that it was only 6 pounds more, it feels like 15. I think a big part is just not running and losing that toning. I thanked God for the miracle that it wasnt as nearly as bad as I thought. It truly was the hand of God, there were several weeks that it was all I could do with my asthma to just walk around.
So anyway back to this morning. I was excited to jump on that scale, after eating impeccably well this week, doing as much exercise as I could with my knee being messed up....I gained 3.5 pounds.
Its kinda funny and I know what those almost 4 pounds really mean...that I better be giving all of this back over to God. The scale and exercise ruled me for almost a year, it was the first thing I thought of when I got up, before I ate, when I ate what I shouldnt, when I didnt eat what I wanted...all about the numbers, calories in, calories burned. I felt as if my whole world has been turned upside down and I had to control something, but that scale and workouts did most of the controling. Sure, I gave God the credit for the weight that I lost during that time, but not enough credit.
These past 3 months, I got back to the first thing that should be there before anything. Devotional and prayer, time alone with God. Ok, cup of coffee and then devotional and prayer, 4:50 am requires a cup of coffee.
But this morning sure enough I fell back into my old habit of scale, wanting to exercise for an hour because of those numbers, cup of coffee, then devotional and prayer. When I first saw the weight gain it shaped the rest of my morning, until during that time of prayer I realised what I had done to sabotage myself.
God made it clear that if I go back to doing this by myself, for myself, I was going to fail miserably. By His grace, he allowed me to put almost all my effort into hours of exercise and letting that scale tell me what kind of day I was going to have. But now that I know better, He is not giving me a second go of that lifestyle without consequences. Not that I think that I can eat twinkies and lose weight if I just pray... but there wasnt as much prayer about my weight this week because I was so sure of myself, so sure I would see a loss today. As most things go, there is very little prayer when you are convinced you got it under control.
So I cant fall back into shaping my day on what 4 numbers pop up, into hours of exercise and only a few minutes of prayer. The scale and treadmill have a place, but it cant be first place, or even second or third. God has been faithful these past few months, He will get me through these last 50 pounds. Maybe, I could lose it faster by going back to hours of exercise each day and very strict calories, but what I really lose if I do that is not worth it at all.
Where I was strong physically last year I was weak spiritually because I relied on
my strength. God's strength has gotten me through a rough summer, He has held me up and maintained my cause... through battles that my strength would have been useless in trying to fight on my own.
Thank God I am not on my own
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