Sue's Birthday Month Journal

[FrugalSue]

Just thought I'd emphasize the point all this month that I have a birthday on June 27th LOL!

Actually, birthdays are a really good time to contemplate progress. I'm doing a whole lot better than I was last year on my birthday! At that time, I had an extremely painful right knee and I was walking with a cane and taking a lot of prescription pain medicine. I was also at least 25 pounds heavier than I am right now. So healthwise I have made some really good progress in the past year.

Last night I was at my A.A. meeting and I was looking around and noticing that a lot of women there were obese. There were at least 7 women who were heavier than I am--or, if not heavier in actual pounds, they were very big for their height. I realized as I was sitting there that I really don't want to ever get bigger again. To me, getting my weight to a more normal range is another part of the recovery I started almost 18 years ago when I got sober. Once you get on the path towards living a clean, honest, healthy life, you just can't use any substance or behavior addictively anymore and feel okay about yourself.

Later last night, I was feeling down about a misunderstanding between Larry and me, and I was tempted to eat just because. I didn't, and I can't do that anymore. I have to feel the feelings and do whatever work is necessary.

Here's an AA acronym for you "normies"--

FEAR: F*** Everything and Run

or

FEAR: Face Everything and Recover

Your choice!

[nahum1_7]

Another Junebaby! Happy Almost Birthday! Mine is June 5th. I have had a blast on the June Birthday Challenge team on sparkpeople (teams on my sparkpage). You are doing great and I am proud of you!

[FrugalSue]

I decided over this weekend that I need to get back in to see an orthopedic surgeon about my right knee, the one I had surgery on last September. It is still really sore and it seems to be getting worse. The surgeon who operated on it told me that surgery wasn't going to solve all of my problems--all he could do was remove torn cartilege, but I had generalized arthritis throughout the knee that he couldn't fix. I improved for a while, but lately it's been going downhill.

It's sort of a vicious cycle. I need to exercise in order to strengthen my leg so my knee won't hurt so badly...but my knee hurts so bad right now that it's hard to do any exercise. Even just walking is difficult right now.

So it's back to the doctor to see what's next. In the meantime, we have switched from an HMO to a different insurance plan, so now I can pick a new doctor. I'm going to call up my best friend's orthopedic surgeon...she's seen him for years, and she really respects him.

Both my sister and a friend of mine have recently had cortisone shots in their achy knees, with excellent results. I hope this might be indicated for me and that it will work. I'd prefer not to have any more surgery if something less drastic can get me back in action!

I haven't stopped doing things altogether--it's just that I can't do much before I hurt too badly to continue. And I really want to have a fun, active summer!

In the meantime, my eating has been pretty good lately. I went out to dinner with friends last night, and I checked the restaurant's website ahead of time and figured out what would be a healthy meal to order. I had a salad and some steamed mussels. Very tasty!

[FrugalSue]

I feel better today than I did over the weekend when I was pushing myself a little bit by doing some gardening and walking. Yesterday and today I have just been doing some sedentary work at home, so I have less of the arthritis pain and have been able to sleep better. I'm still looking forward to my visit with the orthopedic doctor tomorrow, though! I did some reading on the Internet last night about cortisone shots for arthritic knees, and it sounds like a good thing--usually good results and very few side effects.

Not much new going on right now, just eating right and trying not to get into trouble LOL.

[FrugalSue]

Okay, no wonder my knee was hurting! I hadn't had x-rays since last year before the torn menisci were removed. In the past year, things have changed inside my knee. There is no cartilage left to separate the upper and lower leg bones, so part of my knee (fortunately not all of it) is bone-on-bone.

So I had a cortisone shot today, and tomorrow I will be fitted for a load-shifting brace that will force me to put my weight on my knee at a different angle. It will take the pressure off the part where there's no cartilage, and I can start wearing out the part where there is still some cartilage left. Then after a few years, when that cartilage is gone, too, I will have a total knee replacement.

I meet with the brace guy tomorrow, and he said he'd build me a brace that would allow me to walk and garden. I probably am not going to be able to do much more than that. I can take the brace off and swim, but I can't go to the gym and work out my legs on machines. No running, no stair stepper, none of that kind of stuff. But I can still lose weight by walking and eating right! And I will!

Tomorrow I go back to see the orthopedic surgeon again, this time about my neck and right shoulder that are still sore after my ice skating fall in February. I suspect upper body workouts are also going to be out, at least for a while, because I can't even pull a few weeds in my garden without getting intense pain afterwards.

I'll let you guys know what the doc says tomorrow...

[FrugalSue]

OK, I got more information today when I went back to the orthopedic surgeon's office again.

I had xrays on my neck and right shoulder, which have been hurting ever since I feel down ice skating in February. It turns out I have lots of disc problems in my neck. But the shoulder is actually more painful, and it's probably a less major problem. Like just some irritation to the rotator cuff--probably not anything so serious that it would need surgery, it just needs a chance to calm down. So I got another cortisone shot, this time in the shoulder.

The doctor said that it will take a few days for my two cortisone shots (shoulder and knee) to help with pain. In the meantime, the pain will be worse before it is better. So he gave me some pain pills and said not to do any activity at all for the next few days until we know if the cortisone is going to help my problems.

I also got fitted for the brace. I am so glad to have decent insurance now! The brace is about $2000 but I will only have to pay a copay.

[Trying4Thin]

Isnt insurance wonderful??


Hope you feel better soon. Keep us posted.

[FrugalSue]

Thanks for the good wishes, Carrie. The cortisone shots seem to be calming down the pain somewhat. There is less constant achiness. The pain that comes from doing any sort of activity is just as bad as before, though. In fact, my knee seems to feel worse now when I'm walking, especially on stairs, and it feels like it's going to give way and not hold me up. It's a scary feeling. I'm going to call the doctor's office again tomorrow (Monday) to let him know about this change in how my knee feels. I'm also going to ask him to go ahead and set me up for an MRI of my shoulder to be sure whether or not there's anything serious going on with my rotator cuff. If it's torn and needs surgery, I'd rather know about it sooner than later.

One of the times I was seeing the doctor last week, I mentioned that my weight loss has pretty much stalled since I haven't been as active lately. He said it's not impossible to lose weight when you can't exercise, it's just harder because you really have to watch every calorie. Well, I've taken that to heart, and I'm redoubling my efforts to eat right. I've been eating a lot more fruits and vegetables the last few days, and less of everything else.

Last night I had a frank talk with my best friend. I've mentioned her here before. She is very obese...she is about 5' 6" and I would not be surprised if her weight is close to 400 lbs these days. She can barely walk, and she's going to have a knee replacement this summer, the second one on the same knee because the first one five years ago did not work. She was over for dinner last night and, even though I served really healthy stuff, she still made bad choices...having my kids' ranch dressing instead of the vinaigrette, polishing off the last of the bread and butter, etc.

After the kids left the table and we were alone, I asked her what she is going to do about her weight, and she cried. I felt awful about that, but I am her best friend, and if I can't broach the subject with her, who can?

She has long taken the position that until she can figure out why she overeats, she can't lose the weight. I told her that, from the standpoint of a recovering alcoholic, that seems backwards to me. I had to get sober first and then start solving the psychological/emotional issues that had caused me to drink. If I had waited to solve the emotional problems first, I would never have gotten sober. I asked her to consider that she may need to forget about understanding why she overeats, at least initially, if she's going to ever lose any weight.

I asked her whether she would reconsider the idea of lap-band surgery, even though her insurance won't cover it. She's shocked at the prospect of paying $10,000 or more for surgery, but I know she pisses away more than that much money every year trying to make herself feel better because of her obesity. I told her that if she ever wants to go to one of those hospital information sessions about bariatric surgery, I will go with her.

I have absolutely no expectation that my friend will do anything differently as a result of our talk. I have nothing emotionally invested in whether she does or doesn't. But sometimes I just have to speak my truth...or ask the questions that are in my heart, and this was one of those times. It was very impromptu...I had no intention of confronting her in any way, I just felt like it was the right time, in that moment, to ask her what she's going to do. I hope she will someday be able to get beyond the answer, "I don't know."

For you who are of the praying persuasion, please join me in praying for Helen.

[muppet]

You're a good friend, Sue. And I agree with your thinking. I think the more you try to lead a healthy lifestyle, the more you understand what led you away from it in the first place. Usually, I think it's so many little things that just pile on top of each other, so it's very hard to define. But once you start peeling away those layers of emotional garbage, you get closer to your true self.
Ok, enough of Psych. 101. I'll be praying for your friend.
Carol

p.s. I hope you start feeling better soon. I think it's a good idea to call the Dr. again, just to see if it's normal. I know I wouldn't like that feeling-- I think I'd be scared to walk!

[FrugalSue]

Thanks for your encouragement, Carol. I'll be sure to let you know what the doctor says. Maybe they can speed up getting that brace that is being made for me...that might help.