Sometimes, isn't a change exactly what you need? It's so hard to stay motivated, when day in and day out, it's the same thing. I know people wonder how I can feel that way. I have a husband and 3 kids. They do keep things hopping. But still -- I work part time. I teach preschool, so structure and routine are very important. That's ok there. It makes my days go more smoothly. But everything else is a schedule too. My kids have to be shuffled to and fro for their various activities. And of course, every day off I have laundry, cleaning, cooking... blah blah blah.... I get so sick of it. I have those days where I just have nothing left. What's for supper? Eh-- I don't know-- I don't care! I just don't wanna!!!!
I hate these ruts. I feel like my family deserves better. And I have been in one of these ruts for a long time. I have felt pulled in so many different directions. my husband, each of my kids, my job --- I was getting so I just wanted to scream 'leave me alone!!!'
But, with only a day and a half of preschool left, I can see that much needed change in routine around the corner. I was nervous about our preschool program finale tomorrow night, but I've even gotten over that. It's mercifully short ( yes, I wrote it!), and we are also showing a slideshow of activities throughout the year. 34 three, four and five-year-olds standing all together singing some songs should be a real treat! But I'm not nervous anymore. It will be what it is. Parent's can make me nervous, because sometimes I think they are expecting too much from us, and from their kids. But everything will be fine. I can't control what parents' might think. I can only do the best job I can.
I feel like this is a good time to start a new journal. A fresh start. It's HOT today. I even have the AC on. I just got back from a walk. I'm feeling pretty good. I'm very very saltly! Told you it was hot!
I ate really bad the last 2 days, and totally felt like crap. Cream puffs, and rice krispie bars--- ugh. They sounded so good, and those little bite size cream puffs - so hard to just eat 1!!! But after indulging, my stomach revolted. It's not worth waking up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache. I'm also feeling really fat. All my bad choices are catching up to me.
So, I'm more than ready to put a stop to it. I pushed hard on my walk. I even jogged a bit. I have made excellant food choices today so far. I went to the grocery store, and bought some good fruit and veggies, and fat free yogurt. I also bought some cookies for the kids, but I can resist those.
TOM started this month's visit on Monday night. I was miserable waiting for it to start. I think this has to do with my diet and exercise-- or lack of it this month. Gonna get graphic here -- but TOM usually makes me constipated, just before it starts. When I eat right and exercise, I can manage this problem much better. But when I don't, it messes up everything. Bloated, sick, and crabby!!! So, if by simply eating right, and geting regular exercise, I can alleviate this issue, then I'm going to do it.
Anyway -- this is really long, but hey-- it's my journal. No one has to read it if they don't want, so I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to spill my guts.
A fresh start. A new beginning. That's what today is. I know the benefits of taking care of myself. I know how over-eating makes me feel. It's not worth it. Even if the weight doesn't come off, I know I'll feel better. I'll look better, I'll act better.
