Hi Susieokla!
I want you to know that I have been there...my husband and I have had a VERY rough marriage. We have overcome those obstacles and are very happy with each other now. The one thing that stung my heart while reading your message was when you mentioned that knowing he ran off with another woman - that is always heartbreaking. The one thing I hope that you will soon understand that it was NOT you that made him run - he chose to be with another woman b/c of HIS insecurities! I used to tear myself up everyday b/c I thought that I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, or skinny enough to fulfill his needs - I later realized that what he had was the BEST! I know that at this time he knows and understands that I have always been what he wanted - his insecurities made him run. Please, keep your head up!
I don't know how you feel about prayer but when you begin to feel that it is your fault that he ran - PRAY! Getting through this is very hard - I am here for you, as well as others on this forum. You can get through your heartache and focus on your health. Focus on what YOU want! Don't worry about what anyone else thinks or wants for you!