Thanks Jules,
I have been good foodwise. The only things I tend to really "abuse" now are salad dressing and crackers. Granted, they arent fast food, but they can still do some damage. I need to start measuring my dressing, even though it is low cal. Even the smallest things add up, including crackers. I am going to take the night off from exercise so I can pound on my legs tomorrow. I have a lot of nervous energy, and stray emotions to work off. I think my legs are slowly starting to change shape. My clothes arent getting tighter, so I know I cant be gaining. I wont get on the scale tomorrow because I dont want to know what it will say. Salt and getting my H20 in are my achillies heels at the moment. I need to work on that. There are times that I miss the "fun" things I used to eat, but not what they used to do to me. Today, I bumped into a co-worker in the lounge. She is in pretty good shape, maybe a little overweight. She said she polished off a triple whopper for lunch. I had to fight really hard to keep my mouth shut. 1) to keep from vomiting 2) to keep from morphing into lecture mode "How could you eat that sludge??" The proverbial icing on the cake was the last piece of a custard pie (I think) was sitting on the table in front of me and I could have cared less. Pavlov's Dinner Bell will no longer work on me. Let somebody else inhale the zillion calories in that pie. I have better things to do with my time. As for the things that I want; I know that this is the guy I want. We have had terrible fights and said terrible things to each other. In the end, we both love each other as friends. I know that he is pulling for me. I also think that a small small part of him wants to be with me, even though he says he doesnt. If he didnt want me at all, we would have cut ties completely a long time ago. But somehow, we always end up talking again. I am the one to contact him, but he doesnt have to answer. I am just hoping we find our way back to each other soon. That other girl he claims to love, wont give him the time of day. They were only work friends. I know I could give him so much more. Each day I become stronger, and more ready to handle a real relationship. I no longer hide in the shadows anymore, and I am not afraid to stand up for myself. Quite a change from the Shamu Girl I was before. I have not only lost physical weight, but emotional weight as well. I have lost flab and gained muscle and inner strength. To the scale that claims I have gained....Get lost!
~Carrie
