Day 20
I am so disgusted with myself right now I dont know what to do. I have been busting my butt hauling around 10 extra pounds of ankle weights on 3+ and 6 mile hikes, I am eating healthy, and I am not drinking soda. I am now back up to 158.7 and I am very angry about it. There is no way I have put on 3.2 pounds of muscle in only 2 days. I dont know how much more of this I can take. I was 1.5 pounds away from my first goal and now I am 4.7 pounds away. I am so frustrated and sick and tired of doing the right thing. I feel like I am never ment to be thin, or to be with "my guy." Whenever I get close to something, the other shoe always drops. I am so fed up. If I am going to keep gaining, I might was well be eating junk. I am tired of trying to convince myself it is just water weight, because it cant be. If this keeps up, I will be as big as a whale by my birthday. And I doubt "my guy" would want to spend my birthday with a lard butt like me. He will never believe I have changed if this weight wont come off. He is attracted to skinny girls and I am not one.
~Carrie
