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Originally Posted by Trying4Thin
Right now I am trying to decide if I want to continue with this journal. Instead of being uplifting and encouraging, it is only making me more miserable. It isnt fair for you guys to have to keep reading about my personal problems and unfulfilled dreams. The only thing it is doing is keeping me honest. I dont even have the desire to cheat (foodwise) anymore because it doesnt hold the importance it once did. All I want is to be with the man of my dreams and get to my goal weight. I really dont think I am asking for too much. Before I met this guy, God was fully aware of my track record with men so I keep wondering why I would have to go through this yet again because each time it gets more and more painful and I just cant take it anymore. I thought this time would be different, and it was until I managed to screw it up. If I hadnt been fat and all the negative things that come with being fat, then we probably would have been engaged by now, or at least in a comitted relationship. I feel like the only relationships I have ever had in my life were with food. Well I broke that one off and what do I have left? The one with myself. Perhaps I should just establish a comitted relationship with the treadmill and my bike and call it a day. I am beginning to think that I am one of the few people on earth who will never be married and have children. And I really dont think that will change when I get to my goal weight because the only guy I will ever want is the one I cant have.
~Carrie
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Don't worry about the venting Carrie, we are here for you! Besides your Journal is really for you, if people read it and try to give you encouragement and inspiration then that is icing on the cake. Don't ever apologize for showing your real feelings, I love your honesty and courage!
Oh by the way, my treadmill and I are very committed to each other, our 1 month anniversary is next week. I am thinking this relationship is the one that will stick, and my treadmill does not hog the TV remote.
