Thanks for the words of encouragement guys.
Susie, I do have to disagree with you though. I am pretty sure he only wants to hear from me as just a friend. He is currently in love with a girl that wont give him the time of day. Why are all the nice girls always left behind? I admit that I did hurt him because I was stupid, and didnt really know how to act. I have since gotten some insite and I would do anything to get him to love me like I love him. Desperate, I know. But he is my real soulmate...not Josh Holloway. (LOL) I miss him so much and it makes me want to eat. No I am not cheating though. But I want to. The stronger part of me just wants to get to my goal weight and knock his socks off. Not because of how different I will look, but how I have changed my life. Then everyone would look at me differently. If I like myself, then maybe others will too.
I did find a cure for the tears/bingeing though and it wasnt at the bottom of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, or a large pizza with extra cheese. I took a bubble bath. My favorite scents are Peach and Vanilla. They smell great and are calorie free. I am sorry for the depressing posts, but I feel so badly right now and writing out my feelings keeps me from getting in the car and heading to the nearest Burger King or Wendy's Drive-Thru. And I am getting a headache. Wonder if it is my new contacts or caffeine withdrawal? Maybe I should rename my journal to Carrie's Soap Opera of Life.
I know that this too shall pass.
Hope to see you all in chat soon!
~Carrie
