[Trying4Thin]

The past few weeks have been insane. I've been so burned out that I often struggled just to put a smile on my face. Each day seemed to drag into the next with no clear direction. I was able to get a few things done, but not as much as I wanted to because I have made procrastination into an art form. But little by little is better than not at all.
I tried to find some redeeming qualities in each day so I wouldn't be stuck in a 100% negative mindset. There was always something to be happy about when all was said and done. I have my health, I have a job that I put a lot into, I have met a lot of really nice people, a few of the Delano dogs I helped to spread the word on were saved, friends from the ancient past (20+ yrs ago) have looked me up, I am starting my 9 day vacation and head clearing process, and I am seeing a slight change in my friendship with Eric.

It's been a turbulent few weeks. There were times I came darn close to screaming my head off but I didn't. That is a fine line that I can't afford to cross anymore. It's time to grow up and either walk away, or speak calmly to get my point across and drop it. A few years ago I wouldn't have been that gracious. It was easier to provoke an arguement and vent my frustrations. Words can be equally as powerful as a physical attack on somebody. I can still vent my frustrations, but tearing somebody down to my level of negativity isn't worth it. I have learned that we may be "egged on" by another power to act out of turn and hurt another person, but that same force will come back not long after, and make you feel guilty for giving in and following that impulse. It's a vicious cycle and I wanted out. I can choose to empower somebody with my words or say nothing at all if I know it won't be anything nice and I will regret it later on.

I used to always say that I never saw any rainbows in person. That has since changed. Within the last few months I have seen many and I was fortunate enough to have my camera with me for one of them. It is a message to me that even after the roughest of storms, peace and serenity will follow and everything will work out in the end. That is the lesson of the rainbow; to tell mankind that there is always hope. After the harsh and cleansing rains, there is a reason to believe that there is an opportunity to once again start over anew.

Little by little, things are turning around for me. I have hoped against everything that tried to discourage me from believing. Above everything, I wanted my best friend back, and slowly but surely, I am starting to see that come full circle too. If the storms had never come, I never would have gained the knowledge that I now have. All the fear, self doubt, anger, and tension has been removed and now there is only room for happiness. Life is a constant learning process that you have to experience daily or you will never grow. Experiencing both the good and the bad help to mold you into who you are supposed to be. I'd like to think I have emerged a stronger and more knowledgeable person.

I highly recommend the song I am listening to now:
"The Good, The Sad, And The Ugly" (Mike Tramp)