[Trying4Thin]

I had a really good weekend and now I am feeling pretty lousy inside. Everything that is going wrong with me at the moment has been brought on by something I said or did. If I hadn't been such an out of control, naive, and whiney little brat I wouldn't be alone right now. If I hadn't let my addiction lead me around on a leash I would have been at my goal weight a long time ago. I did the work and threw it out the window like it didn't matter.
I regret a lot of things that I have done in my life and would do anything to fix them. I can't blame anyone else because they were choices I made and not because I was forced to. I managed to push away the only man I have ever truly loved with all my heart and wanted to spend my life with. I have ruined my body (and possibly my long term health) for the last 14 years with emotional eating & binge eating.
How can I fix this?? How can I make ammends with the person that I love most in this world? How can I get him to understand that it wasn't the real Carrie that he met? She was there some of the time, but for the most part it was the self conscious, scared, and naive part of myself acting on my behalf. How can I get the damn scale to move faster? I have been really really good this week! Or am I doomed to be fat and alone for the rest of my life because of the poor choices that I have made? I want to change damnit! Supposedly when we are looking to God for help with our struggles and see nothing happening; that is when he is working on our behalf.

"When God When?"