[Trying4Thin]

Something tells me that I am going to sleep quite well tonight. After weeks (who am I kidding?), months of stalling and finding excuses why I couldn't...I finally began pounding the pavement again. I worked out for a little over two hours today and burned almost 900 calories (876 if you want to get technical), and 55% fat. Supposedly the most fat you can burn in a session is 60% so I didn't do too badly. This is the heaviest that I have ever been while doing this trail. So the regained weight, my backpack, and the fact that I hadn't worked out in a while really took their toll, but neither stopped me from getting my miles in. That is all that really matters to me. It wasn't until I hit the 4th mile that I realized I hadn't even thought about Eric, work, or anything else that is usually on my mind. I was too busy taking pictures with my digital camera and listening to my iPod. I have 52 days until I fly home to MA and I want to make the most of them. The hardest thing is taking the first step, or having to take the first step over again. I did that today and will continue to do it until I get to where I want and need to be. When God comes knocking this time, I will be ready. I want to show everyone (myself included) that I can go all the way to 120 lbs. As much as I want to see the looks of shock on everyone's faces, Eric's reaction means the most to me. As much as I do feel for him, I want him to admit that he was wrong about me not being his ideal. I truly believe that I am, it's just impossible to know it under all the excess baggage and insecurities I'm currently carrying around. I need to heal both inside and out before moving on in my life.