[Trying4Thin]

Thanks Carol. I needed that. I feel really sh*&&^ right about now.

I am beginning to think that my scale needs a new battery. Some of the people on the show last night looked 10 times bigger than me and weighed less. I can't be packing that much muscle. I haven't seriously used mine in months. I am eating really well and yet I still juggle the same numbers. Lose it one day, gain it right back. I get it, I'm fat! But I am not this fat! I really miss Eric right now and not having him to talk to is really bothering me. I have a lot on my mind at the moment and really miss having him around, at least to talk to. I'm hoping things turn around soon.

Glad Ali won, she deserved it. Who the heck thought it was a good idea to bring Roger back??? Couldn't stand him. Technically he was in the bottom 3 and Mark should have been allowed to return. Not to rain on Ali's parade, but she was voted off in week 4. Kelly is the woman who has lost the most weight staying at the ranch.

Guess Brittney has a lot to think about now....it wasn't impossible for a woman to win. 2 out of 3 finalists were WOMEN! It was her poor attitude that held her back.

I hope Paul gets better. He was missed at the finale. How about the arm guns on Amanda and Mallory?? Very impressive. I love you Bob, but your "weighted team" strategy didn't work out. Congrats to Bernie as well. This truly has been the Season of 1 Pound.

Got an email from Mark the other day and he seems like a really nice guy. I am glad the "real Mark" returned to the ranch and not the guy who was there when the season began. Gaining and losing weight really does affect people's personalities (for better or worse) and that is why I want Eric to give us another chance when this is all over. As many of the contestants proved early on...they hid their true selves behind their weight. When they finally lost it, it was incredible to see their inner transformations as well. EX: Maggie still has weight to lose, but she is a totally different person than when she first stepped foot on campus 15 weeks ago. She has come out of her shell and couldn't be happier. That is what I want that for myself. I know people would be more interested in me then. I hide now to avoid getting hurt again.