[Trying4Thin]

I am really frustrated at the moment. My scale says one thing and then 2 seconds later I am heavier. Plus I don't even believe the number it is saying I am in the first place. I feel like each day I am heavy it is a day that is wasted, and a day that I can't be with my best friend. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him or want to call him and it hurts really badly. It's insanely stupid that it is weight that keeps us apart. But we both want me to be happy, something I am definitlely not at this point in time. But I am honestly more upset about not seeing him than being fat. Yes a real man would accept me as I am and it is a looks based society which sucks, but I think he is more driven by fear than anything else. My weight is just an excuse not to get hurt. But I was scared in the beginning, scared of being hurt and scared of getting to my goal weight. But I am not scared anymore. I just want to get there.

Yesterday I was threatening to quit because I am sick of not being respected or listened to. As soon as this weight is off I will be gone. I deserve better and they can kiss my ass.