[muppet]

40 minutes elliptical
10 minutes upper body
10 minutes stretching and abs
I don't want to sound like a hair color commercial, but...
I am worth it.
I am worth the time and effort it takes.
I am worth any sacrifice.
I have issues with self-worth and I often feel like it really doesn't matter if I'm around or not, or even that my loved ones might be better off if I wasn't around.
I'm trying to overcome these feelings.
For the most part, I'm successful, but I wonder if these aren't the very issues that are sabotaging my diet. Why do I work out the way I do, and then ruin it all by eating garbage that I don't even really want? Well, I want it, but a lot of times I'm not even hungry.
It's so stupid -- I just need to NOT DO IT! But why is that so hard?
So I'm being a little bit morbid and think how my family and friends would feel if I wasn't around. And when I do, I know I'm ridiculous for thinking that I don't matter.
I'm worth eating good food. I'm worth more than the junk I crave. I can do better. I need to do better because there are too many people who count on me, and need me to be happy, healthy and confident.
I know you don't automatically get happy when you get to a certain weight, but my lack of total commitment wears on me. It brings me down and depresses me.
It's not so much getting to a certain weight that I need. I need to be successful, to follow through, and do what I say I'm going to do.
To anyone who knows me, they will find this funny -- but I've gotten some
Christina Aguilera on my Ipod. Beautiful, and Fighter....
I used to lump her in with Britney, and even before Britney lost it, I thought she was a talentless bimbo. But now I know they are not cut from the same cloth. I still hate that Genie in a Bottle song, but the 2 that I have either make me want to cry, or go kick ass. Both a good way to release emotions and frustrations!
I am going to get through this funk, and come out stronger than ever. Because I am beautiful, and I am a fighter.