Oh my, this is a tough subject. On one hand, I am totally against blaming anyone, or anything for your problems. Because while there are things you can't control, you can control how you act, and react to things.
I could sit here and recall every hurtful comment my Mom ever made. But I realize that she didn't intend to hurt me. She wanted to help. Her way of helping doesn't help, but I can't fault her intentions. I want to learn from her, so I don't say and do the same type of things to my own kids.
But, no one is the same, and people react differently to things.
I have a sister -in-law who is anorexic. My mother-in-law blames a boyfriend she had, but as I learn more about their family history, I realize that these seeds were planted in her as a child, where they took root, and grew. Again, I realize they didn't intend to be cruel, or hurtful. They just didn't realize how she would take their comments to heart, and let them eat away at her, until her anorexia becomes so bad, she is barely a walking skeleton. ( I think she is finally getting better now, thankfully)
I know it's hard to shake your childhood. I know you can't completely. But I'm a mother of 3 -- (2 boys, 16 and 13 and 1 girl, 10) I couldn't love them more. But I know I'm not perfect. I'm quite sure I'll say something that will upset them, even though that's the last thing I would want. I would hope that they could forgive me, and understand that I'm only human, and doing the best that I can. I hope they don't hang on to every mis-spoken word, or stupid comment, and let it affect them their entire lives. I just try to always let my children know how much I love them. I want them to know that I can say 'I'm sorry ', and admit a mistake. I try to be positive and encouraging. I try -- I do my best. Just as my parent's did.
