[Trying4Thin]

Ok well I am officially spending the rest of my life alone. Eric doesnt want me; doesnt want to spend time with me because he thinks guys and girls cant be "just friends." He doesnt have the grace to get through the tough times with me that marraige would call for. That he cant feel that I love him; that it is probably just a crush and that I will find somebody else and my feelings are hollow and that if I truly loved him he would feel it. And he doesnt want to see me because then he will start to have feelings for me and he doesnt want to have them be manufactured. He wants somebody he likes from the getgo. Yet he can tell his mom that he wished he liked me that way. (But he wont do anything about it). Oh and he only said those things because he wanted to be nice. I am not to call him and he has to call me because relationships are a two way street. I am thinking that he wont ever call even though I have cds he wants to listen to as well. Ironic thing being; they are marraige cd's. Like I have a use for them.....Going to lose tons of weight now because all I feel like doing is running and vomiting. And he only said those other things (about being jealous and me being hot to make me build up my confidence and to help me.) And he did like some things about me and he would miss talking to me. HOW??? When he never calls or emails me?? Yet he also said that he doesnt know the future and I could find somebody else. (I wont). And that I always have a chance with him. BullS*&%!!!! That is why he wont start over with me. Why he makes fun of me because he knows he can get away with it and even HE knows it's wrong. He said he isnt afraid to tell people how he feels about them if he likes them. He also says he could fall in love with anyone (guess I am the exception). I AM SICK OF BEING HEARTBROKEN!!! Just another guy who wont give me a chance. I'm done. I am better off alone. My dreams went down the drain today; every last one of them. And I just got another email saying to never call him again ever and if he wants to talk to me; he will call me. I wont hold my breath. Oh and the stinger....that I am probably just as big as the last time he saw me (people dont change that drastically in two months). So I called him on it and he said little to make it sound better. Both Hot and Big??? Well now I can have surgery and not have to worry about ever ruining it with getting pregnant cuz that isnt going to happen. I really do feel completely alone and worthless. Some people really arent supposed to get married and I am one of them. He says he likes me but not romantically. I dont even think he likes me as a friend because he is more afraid of developing "manufactured feelings" for me than just being my friend and he thinks all I want is a boyfriend and to get married. In all honesty, I just want to be alone where I cant hurt anyone but myself. I could never make a good wife.