Egads Louie....
You actually read all that mumbo jumbo? Even I havent gone that far back in time. I think I am scared to. I am flattered that you did find a little inspiration in it though. As long as I can help at least one person get through this; then I have done something good with the past 12 years of my life.
Still havent been back to the gym after being on vacation and being sick. Still have some junk in my throat. And I am not too proud of my eating habits since coming back from MA. However, I need to kick it into high gear again because I am headed home next month again on the 21st and I sure as heck dont want to be bigger. Plus, there will be a personal trainer there waiting to whop my **** and my parents want to see me run at 9 mph and not become treadmill pavement. I miss running and the high I get from it.
Well this was the week that I was supposed to see Eric. I didnt email him until yesterday afternoon sometime while I was downloading ITunes shows. Good stuff this season I must say!! Maybe if I had written on Sunday, we could have gotten together on this time. Just got a note back from him saying that he was glad I had a good time with my parents and some other miscellaneous stuff. Something about a movie opening on Friday that he couldnt go to because of work, but he hoped I could go and see it. I am not the type of person who goes to the movies alone!! Movies are here for more than a day, why cant we go some other day when he is free? Why didnt he remember I wanted to do something this week? Why couldnt he have called? Why cant he tell me he missed me? Why didnt he comment on the fact that guys did hit on me when I was at home? I am so frustrated right now. What kills me is that I know he has feelings for me deep down. Why would he tell me that he would be a little jealous if somebody else asked me out? Unless it is reverse psychology. Anyway, I emailed him back a short note and said he could call me if he wanted to tonight. Doubt he will, but you never know. I think he is now struggling with feelings that he didnt have before. I dont know...I have no clue about men, except that I want this one and only this one.
I am thinking that I am going to try and jumpstart my weight loss again on my own before contacting a dietician. I got this far on my own; why not try for a little further? I certainly wouldnt be the first person to do this on their own. This time around I am going to be smarter about things. My first mistake was self doubt and not trusting myself to get there without being babysat by a company. I am stronger than I was 3 years ago at 214 pounds. I dont need LA Weight Loss (or any other company) babying me. I just wish I didnt figure that out after my wallet had been emptied. They lost a shot at a valuable employee. Then again; why hire somebody who had hands on knowledge that was better than all the booksmarts in the world? They would only strive to shut me up so I could sell their diet buster products. I AM a living breathing case study; not one that they read about in books. (They) who have never had a weight problem in their lives.
You must have both lived and understood it; before you can preach it to the people.
~Carrie
