[Trying4Thin]

Today is turning into a day from hell. I am tired, cranky and I feel huge. What is the point anymore? I have no clue what I am doing or not doing. I am sick and tired of people asking if I have lost more weight when I have actually gained. Happened twice today. I am not wanting to go home anymore. I feel I have made zero progress since I was home in March or April. How can I possibly be a weight loss counselor or a personal trainer or a weight loss author if I cant even get my own butt in shape? I am still not interesting to guys (and I dont care because I only want one), and I still cant look good in clothes because of my stomach and chest looking so out of whack.

Still nothing from Eric except last week when I told him via email about my running 4.5 miles in an hour and he gave me a 2 word response. I thought we were going to get together next week, but I am sure there will be another excuse for why he cant. Honest to G-d I am sick of nothing ever going my way...ever. No matter how hard I try to change; nothing else changes. I am almost at a normal weight and I am still ignored. I have always been too fat for everything and now 60+ pounds later, I still am. What did I do all this for anyway? Just to get rejected again only this time in a thinner body?

I dont want to get anymore emails from old friends saying they are pregnant. I cant take it. I just cant. I cant even say I have a boyfriend.